honeymoon

Five Important “Bridal Traits” I Learned from My Favorite Bride

Five Important “Bridal Traits” I Learned from My Favorite Bride
As much as I attempt to educate you brideys with my anecdotes, crazy bitchy bride stories and a few nightmares, I think it’s only fair that I tell you a bit about one of my absolute favorite brides (like ever). Not only was she super cool, gorgeous and fun, but also really smart and trusting… of me, and the vendors we picked TOGETHER! She embraced the wedding planning process; the good the bad and the crazy, and walked around like she had a secret. Like a badass. You know that feeling… It’s like nobody can touch you, you feel almost invincible and awesome (TOTALLY the way I feel in Vegas!).

Recently Engaged? Congratulations! 5 Steps to Take Before Falling Down the Wedding Planning Rabbit Hole

It’s that time of year again… It’s what I like to call “engagement season”. Yup! ’Tis the season when several million happy couples take the next glorious step in their relationship, and decide to tie the knot, take the plunge, buy the cow, get hitched, plight one’s troth (I think this is probably my fave), walk down the aisle, become husband and wife, lead to the altar, etc., I really could go on and on, but I’m pretty sure you get the point! No matter what you call it, you’ve decided to get married, and that’s fantastic… But, the thing is, most of you are embarking on a completely new and somewhat scary endeavor together. I mean, what should be amongst the greatest time and experience in your life is also one in which you’re about to spend a ton of money, fight about stupid shit (um, like linens and flowers), and open many of pandora’s boxes. Sounds fun, right? So, how do you keep your sanity and preserve the sanctity of your relationship before falling down the wedding planning rabbit hole? Try these 5 steps:

1. Enjoy being engaged! Live it up! Right? It seems so obvious, and yet so many brides (and grooms) rush into the wedding planning with hopeless abandon! Bridey, don’t rush it… Take some time to show off your beautiful ring and simply be engaged. You don’t have to know the details right away. Seriously, there’s no trophy for who can plan their wedding the fastest. So, chill the fuck out. Take this time to really be with your fiancé and embrace why you want to get married to him (or her)! Because marriage is much more than just a wedding, right? It literally symbolizes the first day of the rest of your lives together. And, if that’s not what it means to you, then run away… Fast, and NOW! 

2. Get the BIG discussions out of the way before you even think about planning your wedding. Look beyond your wedding day, and discuss your life after the honeymoon. Bridey, have you talked about having kids? Have you talked about what each of you want out of your career(s)? What do your finances look like? The sooner you tackle these big talks and determine if you two are on the same page, the better. I’ve seen couples deteriorate shortly after they get married simply because they got so wrapped up planning one fucking day, that they forgot to plan the rest of their lives! Focus on what matters, and remember that 99% of the time, people don’t change. For example, if one of you wants kids and the other doesn’t, then put the planning on hold… Probably forever… 

3. The wedding budget! AHHHHHH!!! Bridey, set your budget early, and then fight like a lunatic to stick to it. Oh, and add 20% in miscellaneous bullshit to that total. YUP! 20 fucking percent! I really can’t explain it, I just need you to do it! Listen, the budget has the potential to ruin everything; even your relationship. So, start doing your homework to get a feel for what wedding-y things cost where you live, and prioritize. How? What do I mean? See number four.

4. Determine what is most important to you two as a couple, and incorporate it into your wedding. For some of you, it is an open bar and music, and for others it is impeccable décor and food. Whatever it is, own it and filter out the rest… Spend your money and your time planning the things that will make your wedding day awesome, and then politely decline free advice from those eager to give it. Remember that this is the one day in your life where you get to call the shots, and make it all about who you are as a couple. So, fuck the peanut gallery and focus on what you want!

5. Take a vacation. Have a lot vacation sex (But, use protection… Nothing speeds up wedding planning like an impending birth!). Have fun! Enjoy each other! Come home strong and unified before the reality of wedding planning sinks in, and times get a bit strenuous. 

Some advice as you make your way through the planning? Make a pact and limit the wedding conversation to once or twice a week. Talk about other stuff… Like you used to before you got engaged. Don’t make every conversation and date night a planning session. Got it? Good! Then bitch less!!! 

Image via MARATHON

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ FLASH BACK: Gynecologically Speaking

***I needed a good laugh today. Soooo... I thought I would share this post from 2011 not only because it's funny, but because it's educational too. And because my mom was probably the only one reading Bitchless Bride back then, I'm assuming that most of you probably haven't seen this masterpiece. Enjoy and learn, bridey!***

December 22, 2011:

So, I’m just sayin’… I know that we don’t talk about the amount of sex that everybody has on his or her honeymoon, but we should. I know that you will be busy relaxing and reminiscing about your perfect wedding day on that beautiful tropical island you have jetted off to, but you will also be busy getting busy too. So be proactive! Make an appointment with your gynecologist before your trip, and ask him/her to give you a script for a UTI infection (that you fill prior to your trip) to take with you. There is nothing worse then being away from home, especially in a foreign country, and having an issue “down there”. Better safe than sorry!

And on that note… don’t forget to take your pills, insert your birth control, use a condom, etc. You don’t want to come back from your honeymoon with more then a tan.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Let's Call the Whole Thing Off... How to Cancel Your Wedding (and Survive)

Yup, you read that right. Here's a topic that is so verboten that most of you are wondering why I'm even writing about it. But, it's important. Because it happens... A lot... More often then you know. I mean let's cut the shit here, if half of all marriages end in divorce, then there's bound to be a few who got "divorced" before they got married, and for good reason too... When it becomes more about the wedding and less about the marriage, you're doing yourself a favor.

Bridey, I'm not saying that it will happen to you, but God forbid (as my mother would say) it does, I promise you, you'll need some guidance. So here it is... And my biggest piece of advice? Do it before the enormity of the situation has sunk in.

1. Act fast. If you are calling off your wedding, then time is of the essence. Remember how aggressive you were planning the wedding? Well, add warp speed to that. Because your guests will need to change their plans too (cancel airfare, hotel rooms, etc.). Get the word out there immediately. I know it's embarrassing, and that you'd rather hide under the covers and wish it all away, but bridey? There's no time for that shit. Pull it together (for now); I'll let you know when it's time to lose it. But, we're not there yet. So get it together. And don't beat around the bush. Send something like this... From your parents "I'm sorry to inform you that the marriage of Bridey and Groomy, has been cancelled."

2. Call your vendors ASAP! Depending on how close you are to your wedding date, there may still be time to get some of your money back. If they can re-book the date, then there's a chance that the only thing you'll lose out on is the deposit. So get to it! Um, and while your at it? Cancel your honeymoon. You'll probably get screwed with the airfare, but the hotel cancellation policies are usually within 24-48 hours of the arrival date.

3. You've got to return the gifts. Trust me, you'll want to. Right now, everything and anything is a reminder (which can still hurt even if you're the one calling it off). That stupid egg poacher (which you will never use) will suddenly have some sort of emotional value, so get rid of it! Now!

Real Wedding Wednesday ~ The Definition of a 'Successful' Wedding Day

I love the sparklers! I am actually really DRAWN to those damn sparklers. But, I gotta say... You couldn't pay me enough money to actually hold one in my hand because they scare the bejesus out of me. I know it's silly, but what can I say?!!

But, anyway... How cute are Beth and Lane? Right? They met on a high school field trip! Can you believe it? That's just crazy for me to think about. I mean... If I married my high school sweetheart, I'd probably be... Well, that's a whole other post (and I don't want to ruin this one!)!

You know what I love about Beth and Lane? They get it. They really, really get it. If you scroll down, you'll see their definition of a successful wedding, and I have to say that I'm super impressed. So, if you want to learn a thing or two, bridey, then keep reading and enjoy the eye candy while you're at it!

1. Bridey, how did you meet your spouse? Lane and I met in high school on a field trip to DC.

2. How long were you together before you were engaged? Six and a half years. 

3. What was the length of time between the engagement and the wedding? 13 months

4. Where did your wedding take place? Christ United Methodist Church, Chapel Hill, NC

5. If you had to rate your wedding planning experience on a scale of one to ten with one being shitty, and ten being awesome, how would you rate it? I would rate it an 8. There were parts I loved, and parts I dreaded! Overall, it was fun and definitely memorable.

6. What was your favorite part of the wedding planning process? Least fave? Our favorite part was definitely taste testing! Both at the Country Club and at Ashley Cakes. Our least favorite part was definitely picking out flowers. Our florist was wonderfully patient and helpful, but flowers are just not my thing!

5 Important “Bridal Traits” I Learned from My Favorite Bride

As much as I attempt to educate you brideys with my anecdotes, crazy bitchy bride stories and a few nightmares, I think it’s only fair that I tell you a bit about one of my absolute favorite brides (like ever). Not only was she super cool, gorgeous and fun, but also really smart and trusting… of me, and the vendors we picked TOGETHER! She embraced the wedding planning process; the good the bad and the crazy, and walked around like she had a secret. Like a badass. You know that feeling… It’s like nobody can touch you, you feel almost invincible and awesome (TOTALLY the way I feel in Vegas!).