wedding

#TBT ~ Bitchless Bride Video #11 - Meet My Parents & Learn About Managing Your Wedding Budget

Brideys, back in 2012, before I comfortable spouting the truth, openly, I used to wear a hot pink wig and sunglasses to hide my identity. And, in this video, (one of my absolute FAVORITES) I somehow, I got my Dad + stepmom to wear hot pink wigs, sunglasses and rock the camera with some advice on your wedding budget. This originally posted in August of 2012, but is still SUPER relevant today. Oh! and Don't forget to check out the OUTTAKES! My dad had some trouble with his "part", gets frustrated, and swears like a lunatic... Totally priceless!

Five Important “Bridal Traits” I Learned from My Favorite Bride

Five Important “Bridal Traits” I Learned from My Favorite Bride
As much as I attempt to educate you brideys with my anecdotes, crazy bitchy bride stories and a few nightmares, I think it’s only fair that I tell you a bit about one of my absolute favorite brides (like ever). Not only was she super cool, gorgeous and fun, but also really smart and trusting… of me, and the vendors we picked TOGETHER! She embraced the wedding planning process; the good the bad and the crazy, and walked around like she had a secret. Like a badass. You know that feeling… It’s like nobody can touch you, you feel almost invincible and awesome (TOTALLY the way I feel in Vegas!).

What is Wedding Dissection, and How it Can Ruin Your Wedding Planning...

Remember in like seventh or eighth grade, how we had the "opportunity" to dissect a frog? And although some of you thought it was fascinating and the coolest thing ever, I'd say that the majority thought it was disgusting and overwhelming. Right? For me, the worst part was definitely my science teacher! OMG! I swear, he was completely obsessed with every.single.detail. of that fucking frog, down to the teeniest, tiniest spec. He was super thorough, super detailed and oftentimes, got super sidetracked. I remember that he'd get so wrapped up (and basically stuck) on one aspect of that stupid frog that we had to constantly remind him where he started. We were constantly reeling him back in. Oddly enough, it's quite similar to what I do with you, bridey. I reel you back in, and try to prevent you from dissecting the wedding planning process so that you remember where you started, and quit losing your mind over the teeniest details.

But, seriously... Isn't ironic that all of these years later, mentally, I find myself back in Mr. Brown's (I think that was his name!) science class (YIKES!), but instead of ripping open that fucking frog, I'm trying to prevent you, bridey, from dissecting your wedding planning? I'm trying to guide you though each "cut" and move you along seamlessly so that you don't get stuck on ONE thing. I'm trying to prevent you from being over thorough, over detailed and super sidetracked. Because sadly, the fastest way to ruin your wedding planning experience is to overcomplicate it, and get stuck on the smallest details. 

The crazy thing, is that so many of you do this, and you know you do it! I was chatting with a very chill, very down to earth friend of mine who's getting married next December (2017!), and she admitted that she's already taking a ride down the wedding planning rabbit hole. And while she feels herself falling, there's nothing she can do to stop it. So, I offered her a l'il bit of perspective... I reminded her that while it's easy to fall, the way you can pull yourself out of the rabbit hole is to remember that your wedding is ONE day out of your life. ONE DAY! And, while there is a lot wrapped up in this one day, it's still just ONE day out of your life. 

To shed a little light, I told her my story... I mean, who would have thought that less than a year after I was married, my husband would be hospitalized with pulmonary embolisms? Or that when we tried to start a family, we failed and needed to go through round after round of IVF (here's the whole story)? We certainly didn't think we'd be battling any of these obstacles. Right?? Bridey, do I look back on my wedding day with emotion and fondness? Absolutely! But, more than that, I look back on my marriage, and I am grateful that my hus and I had such a solid foundation to get through the bullshit. 

Bridey, will there be times during your wedding planning when you lose sight of the big picture? Definitely. But, every time you get sidetracked, and every time you get obsessed with the minutia or you start over-thinking, you lose. You have to remember that the more you dissect, the less you will have in the end (seriously, think about what that poor, torn apart frog looked like when we were done!). You'll end up looking back on your wedding planning and maybe even your wedding, with mixed emotions, just like dissecting a frog... 

Image via Sharleez Bridal

Bridey, Don't Fake it to Feel It Whatever You Do... 5 Scenarios When Faking it Won't Help You Make it...

I totally stole "Don't Fake it to Feel it Whatever You Do" from the band, Powers, specifically the song "Beat Of My Drum". It's just so perfect, right? Don't fake it to feel it whatever you do... I mean, you can attribute this line to so many areas of your life. The wrong significant other, the wrong group of friends, the wrong vibrator (yes I did!). But, today I really want to focus on how faking it to feel it can fuck with your wedding planning, your relationship, friendships and more. Bridey, stop camouflaging how you feel for the sake of your wedding, and do something about it! I mean... Faking anything for long enough will dull how you really feel, and before you know it, you'll start to believe that the fake feeling is the real thing. And, then? You'll never "make" it.

5 Scenarios When Faking it Won't Help You Make it:

1. I think the first one is pretty obvious. You're faking how you feel about your sig other with the hopes that you will feel it someday. And while you care deeply for him (or her), the whole "marriage thing" feels more like a prison sentence than getting the chance to shack up with the love of your life for the next 75 years. I've seen it a million times, and it sucks. Trust me, it's pretty horrific to watch a bride struggle with how she feels, and then walk down the aisle. And, no matter who I am in your life (your wedding planner, your mother, your BFF, etc.) I can't say anything because it's not my place, it's yours. So, woman up, and don't fake yourself out!

2. You're faking how you feel about your engagement ring. Ouch! Sounds trivial, right? I mean, it's just a ring; it's material... It doesn't matter in the scheme of things. Wrong! Bridey, your engagement ring is a symbol of love, devotion, fidelity, etc. and, if you hate it, don't fake it. Speak up! I've had friends and clients change their rings, and it's really not that big of a deal provided you handle the situation correctly. Don't go telling your sig other that you fucking hate the most expensive gift they've ever bought. But, do tell them that you imagined the ring differently, and would they mind if you changed it. You can't fake this one, bridey, because it'll never change unless you change it. 

3. You're faking how you feel about wedding planning. Every time you're asked how the wedding plans are coming along, and you lie. You tell them that, "it's going great!" or "running smoothly", but in reality you want to blow your fucking head off! Shit costs a hell of a lot more than you thought, planning is annoying and time consuming, and if your mom wouldn't have your head, you'd totally elope; you'd dump the wedding industry... So don't fake it! Bridey, you have to ask for help! If you can afford a wedding planner, then hire somebody to help you who knows what they're doing. If you can't afford a wedding planner, then ask your friends (preferably the ones who were recently married) to help you. There is no need to fake how you feel about wedding planning because you'll never make it if you don't ask for help!

4. You're faking how you feel about your guest list. This is a BIG one. SO many brides I have worked with feel like the guest list is amongst the most stressful, argument-inducing, family-war-starting, part of wedding planning. The guest list is tough. The guest list is brutal. The guest list sucks. It affects everything you touch; specifically the budget. The more people attending the wedding, the more money you spend. PERIOD.

So, bridey, if you and your sig other are paying for the wedding by yourselves, then politely put your foot down when it comes to inviting peeps you don't want on the "A" list. If you're not paying for the wedding, and you are receiving help, then you have to be flexible with the list, and then get creative when it comes to the seating plans. But, speak your mind, let go of the "fake", and be transparent. Your wedding isn't worth losing precious family relationships. Seriously, if having Aunt Ida at your wedding is super important to your mom, and she's paying for the wedding, then let her send the invite.

5. You're faking how you feel about where your money is being allocated. Totally connected to #4. Speak your mind when it comes to the guest list. Allocate your wedding budget in the areas that are most important to you and your sig other. If you love food and booze, then make cuts elsewhere. If the look and feel (design) of your wedding is most important, then go nuts with flowers, linen, lighting, etc., and be frugal with the entertainment. But, figure out what is most important to you (both) in the beginning! Be honest with yourself and your sig other. 

Bridey, see how important it is to feel it instead of faking it whatever you do? Don't let your wedding plans fake you into feeling something you don't. Got it?

Image via The Unbounded Spirit

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Later to Launch? Why Couples Should Get Married Later...

So, the other day, I felt like a total adult. Like, so adulty, that it made me feel uncomfortable. Why? Well, my hus and I took a long overdue trip to the attorney's office to sign our wills, health care proxies, and other important documents so that we could protect our kids from any additional anguish should the worst case scenario become a reality. Wouldn't you say that I am officially an adult? I know! Right? Ugh. It was a tough day, but necessary!

The reason I'm writing about this? Well, Mr. Attorney said something to me that I couldn't shake in regards to when my kids should have access to their trusts (when we actually have $$ to give them!). He said that age 35 is the new 25. What does that mean? Well, depending on how my kids develop (and who they develop into), giving them access to a decent sum of money without a chaperone (the executor), could be a mistake. I mean... Who's to say that my future, 25 year-old daughter wouldn't blow it on shoes or, gulp, drugs, instead of a wedding or down payment??? Right? When I went to fight him on this point, he said that "kids these days are later to launch..." That phrase totally stopped me (and my argument) dead in my tracks. Why? Because he's right!

I'm in my late 30s, and my parents and most of my friends' parents got married and had kids by 25(ish). Seems totally insane, right? Seriously, I couldn't even imagine having a kid in my 20s, let alone being responsible for his/her well-being! And, when you look at the trend as far as age in relation to weddings these days, people are getting married later in their lives because, they are later to launch! They are leaving their parents homes later, they are settling into their careers later, they are finding love later. So, it makes sense that they are getting married later. And later is better for a lot of reasons. Why?

1. You're done weeding. Huh? You're done weeding out the bullshit. You've dated and dated, and now you know what you want. Gone are the days of sowing oats... Now, you're aged to perfection, and you only want one oat to sow.

2. In the same way you know what you want in a partner, you have a better understanding of what your wedding will look like. More of what you want, less of what other people want, and most likely, more of your own money. You begin to think practically and take responsibility for that practicality.

3. Perspective. Yup! My favorite word. You care more about the person you're going to marry, and your life after the wedding, than the wedding itself. I mean, you're excited about your wedding day, but it's not the only day you will look back on fondly... Especially when you have your whole lives to look forward to!

4. It's not your parent's wedding, it's yours, and the people on the "A" list are on the only list. Not to mention, they actually want to be there. An added bonus? You know everybody who's coming. 

5. You're used to yourself, and you like who you've become. No more "faking it until you make it". Or settling. You'd rather be alone than settle for the wrong dude (or lady).

So, later to launch...? Okay Mr. Attorney, I understand what you're saying, and now that I've had time to let it marinate, I'm going to rest my case.

Image via marie claire

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** Don't be a Bitch on Your Wedding Day! 6 Tips to Get Rid of the Bridey Bitch!

I've written quite a bit about how to not be a bitch while planning your wedding, but it dawned on me that I haven't really touched on why it's so important not to be a bitch on your wedding day. Bridey, I think it's safe to say that your wedding day is filled with a tangled web of emotions; happiness, elation, excitement, fear, anxiety, etc.... All perfectly normal... And, sometimes when we're filled with that kind of emotion, it's easy to go one of two ways... Euphoria or bridaldemia, and it's up to you to choose the better of the two.

The reason I'm mentioning this? Well, after an extremely busy weekend filled with two weddings, and everything you can think of in between, I realized that my very lovely brides each took on one of the two aforementioned emotions. And, frankly, I was shocked. Both were super detailed oriented, although easy to work with during the wedding planning (they must be avid readers of BB), and both had relatively supportive families. So, what made one bride go batshit crazy on her wedding day and one continue to be her fabulous self? THAT is a good fucking question!

And while I don't have the answer, I can tell you who had a better wedding day experience. If you guessed bridey B, then you guessed right. Bridey B was relaxed and happy. She took in each and every moment of the day, totally let go of "wedding planning mode", and slipped into something much more comfortable, her wedding day. While Bridey A was argumentative with anybody who dared crossed her path. Honestly? It was strange; something I didn't see coming based on our planning experience.

So, bridey, I got to thinking about what can we do to alleviate Bridey A from presenting herself on your wedding day, and here's what I came up with: 

1. Alcohol. Just kidding!! Well, sort of... I hate to admit that it was the first thing that came to mind! However, if you are careful not to get piss drunk, then there is nothing wrong with a cocktail as you are getting ready to walk down the aisle. Just be sure to nourish yourself with delicious food and plenty of water, and surround yourself with your favorite ladies!

2. Timing is everything. As a planner, I build a TON of extra time into the getting ready piece of the wedding day. I do this because inevitably there is always something (or someone) who will throw you off track, and there is nothing more stress inducing than being late. So, give yourself a lot of extra time.

3. Breathe. Seriously. What's done is done, bridey, so freaking out about the details on the day of your wedding will get you nowhere. Simply relax and breathe. Remember, that at the end of the day (quite literally), you will have gotten married to the man (or woman) you are going to spend the rest of your life with, right? How awesome is that? YAHOO! So, don't allow your anxiety and nerves to win. It will show through in your photographs, and for what? Shit that won't matter...

4. Let it go. Oh dear God. UGH! I just started singing that fucking song... But, perhaps Idina Menzel had a point. Bridey, you've got to let it go, and let yourself off of the hook. The wedding planning was the tough part, but it's over, and you made it! So, enjoy it! Be present because you deserve it! Take in each and every moment, because even though it took you a good year to plan this day, it will be over in a flash!

5. Liaise. Huh? Pick your most dependable friend or family member, and have her be your liaison. Have her field the inevitable plethora of questions that arise (mostly stupid shit, but enough to cause some stress) on your wedding day. She can tell Aunt Stupid where she's supposed to be and when for photographs, not you. She can give her cell to the limo driver to call when he's ten minutes away... Etc., etc.... You get my point!

6. Make it happen, bridey. Make yourself chill the fuck out. If you feel like you're spinning out of control, then slow your roll, grab the reins, and get your shit together. We've all had days where we refused to give into our panicked psyche, and pulled ourselves out of a rut. Right? So, do it, or forever hold your peace.

Got it? Good! Stay Bitchless!!

Image via Your Wedding Guide

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** A Heartfelt Confession from Your Overly Dedicated Wedding Planner

Sometimes I feel guilty when I post a FLASHBACK, but then I realize that if I already have a fantastic post, why reinvent the wheel? Right? I'm still getting my point across, and some of you haven't taken the time to go back and read everything I've ever written, so why the hell not? Anyway, bridey, absorb this one... This is like the worst thing you can do to a wedding planner, event manager (at a venue), etc. Everything worked out in the end (regarding my situation), but I still think back, and resent the hell out of the bride who asked me to jump through hoops when I was down for the count. Don't forget to check out the comments too!

May 26, 2015:

Perspective. There's that fucking word again. Ugh. Perspective. Sometimes even I hate that word because it really does shake the bullshit out of a situation and forces you to see the truth. And, as we all know, the truth really does hurt sometimes. Without giving too much away about myself, recently I went through somewhat of a difficult time, and although the dust has settled, I had the opportunity to reevaluate what's important in my life, and also, what's important your life too, bridey. Because as I was trying to get through my "situation", there was this one bride (who was aware of what I was up against), didn't care and nearly made me throw in the towel, quit wedding planning and search for what's next.

The most fucked up part of the story? This chick was done. Finito! She was married! She had her wedding, came back from her honeymoon and was "checking in" with me. Lovely, right? Well... No. It should have been, but it wasn't. And the crazy thing, is that her wedding day kicked ass. Every detail was executed perfectly, the family dynamics we were concerned about did not present themselves, and she (and her sig other) were quite thrilled with how the day went. So, why was she torturing me? What the fuck did she want? Well, the venue misplaced a few items. SMALL items. Easily replaceable items. And of course, she wanted me to go hunting and fight the fight. 

Really? You want ME to call the venue for you, and have them search for the cake knife and remaining ceremony programs (even though you have an extra box of them at your house)? Really? Bridey, you KNOW that I am in the middle of a personal crisis, and yet, you want me to follow up with the venue? WOW. Listen, I get that I orchestrated your event, handled all of the details and held your hand before sending you down the aisle. But, today, please... Either hold my fucking hand or call the chick at the venue yourself. It's not like you need me to get you thousands of dollars back for a shitty experience. You're asking me to care about a fucking cake knife, that you received as a gift... I mean... It's not a family heirloom, it's a gift from your registry. Deal with it... YOURSELF!

It was all I could do not to lose my shit and say exactly what I was thinking without exercising self control and filtering the bitch out of my voice. But, I did. And it was hard. Because, bridey, I hate to say it, but half of you will end up in divorce court, and you'll want to use that fucking cake knife to stab your sig other in the balls. And the other half of you? Well, you'll have your fair share of shit to deal with too. Real shit. Life or death shit. And that cake knife? You think you will still care about that stupid fucking cake knife? No, you won't. You will care about each other. You'll fight for each other. You'll fight the fights that are worth fighting for. You'll sleep on a chair next to hospital bed, and pray. Or maybe you'll sleep in a hospital bed, and pray for a brighter future. You'll learn that anything can happen at any moment, so appreciate what you have TODAY. Right? Kinda puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

Bridey, your wedding day is nothing more than a symbol of what's to come. I've thrown extravagant, over the top weddings, and I've thrown super simple weddings... And the ones I love the most? The weddings that represent the couple. The weddings that are heartfelt and see beyond the bullshit of "the day". These B+Gs get that their wedding day is only the first step towards whatever future they make of it together. Right?? So, now do you understand how little I care about that fucking cake knife? Can you see why that phone call had me thinking about what else I could possibly do with my life that didn't involve taking care of anybody else besides the people I love and myself?

Bridey, please... Let my confession be food for thought when you find yourself stressing over the stupid shit. In the end? It really doesn't matter. All that matters are the two of you...

Image via EngravingShop.com

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** Bridal Party Etiquette

When I resurrect a juicy post, it's usually for a reason. It's come to my attention that brides are still being bitchy no matter how hard I try to prevent this from being the case. So, re-educate yourselves, and don't forget to read the comments from way back in February of 2013:

Bridey, so I know that you are the one getting married, and you are the one spending a ton of money on your big day, and that you are in charge of the building the perfect bridal party, but let's get one thing straight, okay? Don't be a bitch to the women you are asking to stand at the altar with you. Period. I am getting so tired of witnessing or hearing about bitch-ass brideys behaving like total diva assholes to the women they supposedly love enough to have them share such a personal experience with... So STOP IT. 

Yes I am being hard on you, but most of you deserve it. Sorry, but you do. Because this shit keeps happening... Although, because I care about your well being, and in order to help you to avoid creating drama surrounding your wedding day, I have decided to give you five rules to follow to prevent you from fucking up your relationships with your maids (possibly forever). 

1. Don't even think about asking one, or some of the girls to lose weight before your wedding. Not only are you going to hurt their feelings, but it's just rude. Accept them for who they are and what they look like, but please don't ask them to make such a personal sacrifice for you. If they haven't done it for themselves already, then odds are they are not going to do it for you (although they may try unsuccessfully), and then you've opened up a whole other can of worms. And trust me, your friendship will never be the same. I promise. 

2. It's not okay for you to ask your bridesmaids not to get pregnant. Seriously, that'd be like if they asked to hold off on getting married. Right? If you are choosing these girls to be in your wedding, then obviously you care about them. And if you care about them, then you must respect their life choices just as they are respecting yours. So, get out of their bedroom and be a supportive friend!

3. Do not assume that your bridesmaids have a whole year to dedicate to your wedding. What do you mean BB? Well, bridey, I mean that if you want to have "weekly wedding meetings" and you feel as though some of your bridesmaids "just aren't too into it", let it go. Your bridesmaids are responsible for leading their own lives, and as much as they want to participate in every aspect of your wedding as they can, to some of the girls it might feel like work. And you know what? That's okay. Because bridey, I bet if you are honest with yourself, then you know in advance who these girls will be, and ultimately it's your fault because you asked them to be in your wedding. You don't get to be surprised when they don't seem all that into it when you knew from the beginning that it was a possibility. Again, accept them as is or don't ask them to be in your wedding. 

4. This one really pisses me off... Don't assume the financial situation of anybody in your bridal party. You are not allowed to get upset if some of your bridesmaids can't make it to the shower (or showers), the bachelorette party, etc. because it's a plane ride away. They are already investing in your wedding with a dress they can't wear again (let's be honest), a gift, their time, etc. etc. etc. So, again, let it go if somebody can't make a trip or two or... wait for it... they choose not to... Got it?

5. I find this one shocking. Really I do. And it's not like it's a big deal, but it bothers me every time it comes up... Brideys, if your bridesmaids want to cut or color their hair, it's none of your fucking business. You are not the boss of their lives... Okay, so unless one of your girls is rocking a mohawk, then shut your mouths. These girls are supposed to be your friends, brideys. So, if you want them to still be your friends after the wedding, you'll keep your mouth shut! Seriously, are your photographs really going to be ruined because one of the maids went from blond to red???

Brideys, this post is a bit more harsh than some, but I know you can handle it. I tell the truth because I care. I truly have your best interests in mind, and not only want your wedding day to be the best day of your life, but I want you to have friends in your life afterward... Got it?

Photo Cred: {Types of Bitches Blog}

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ None and Done? Bridey, Here's Why You Should Believe Your Sig Other When They Say They Don't Want Kids...

So, I had the pleasure of sitting next to a truly incredible man last night. Like a super gregarious, super funny and super full of life kind of dude. He's the kind of guy that sucks you into the vortex of his crazy little world, has his way with you, and spits you out better than you started. Noooooo, it's not like that, bridey, I'm married with two kids, remember?!! And, I love the shit out of my hus! But, I was definitely drawn to his cool energy.

Anyway, we (the hus and I) were at a belated holiday party for company we do a lot of work with, and I ended up sitting next to this super fun guy who we will call, Abel. And, after a few bourbons and friendly convo, we got a bit more serious. Abel told me that he is officiating a wedding next month, and so we started to discuss the expectations of the B+G and the guests (ceremony length, readings, etc.), and ultimately this lead to a deeper discussion about marriage.

You see, Abel is divorced and for the same reason he divorced, his long term relationship ended. Why? Because Abel does not want children, and the women he committed to knew that he did not want kids, but thought they could change his mind. I never understood that shit... Seriously. Why we think we can change the fundamentals that make a person who they are is simply baffling. Clearly, this thought process is completely toxic and flawed for everybody involved. And yet, so many of us (ladies) still think that we can change the men (or women) we choose to be with or persuade them to falter to our wishes. What the fuck is that about? Right? But, to try to persuade somebody to have a baby when they don't want one? Yikes! I mean... That's a lifelong commitment, and I couldn't imagine wanting to have a baby with somebody who doesn't want kids. PERIOD.

And, this is not about liking kids. I like my own kids and pretty much hate everybody else's. Sorry, but not really. And, there are plenty of people who like kids, and like being around them, but just don't want to procreate. We all know these people, and usually they just want to be the "fun uncle" or the "fun aunt", and after spending the day with somebody else's kids, they want to give them back, and continue on with their hedonistic lives. Frankly? Sometimes I'm jealous! I mean, my kids are awesome, but there are definitely days when I wish I only had to worry about my own needs, not mine + two small human's needs.

The best part of this story is that Abel brought his girlfriend to the party (they celebrated their year anniversary last week), and she doesn't want kids either. There is no agenda. There is no persuading. There is no guilt. Just them. And, although I can't relate to not wanting kids, I can relate to resenting the shit out of trying to be forced into something I know I don't want. So, think twice, bridey. If your sig other is telling you that he (or she) doesn't want kids, and this is a deal breaker for you, then fucking listen.

Image via The Plaid Zebra

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Why Planning Your Wedding Actually IS a Full Time Job!

You know that nagging feeling when when someone says something to you that you just can't shake? And, in the long run, you know it's not a big deal, but mentally, you can't let it go? Well, I am having one of those moments. Last month, I wrote, "Help! I'm Not Excited for My Wedding", and one of the comments stuck with me. Like, it's been nearly a month, and I just cannot let it go. I keep coming back to the article waving my hands in the air and swearing at the screen. The comment? Well, this woman said, "Are you kidding? It's not a full time job to plan a wedding and if it is, you're doing it wrong. Seriously, you've got to be kidding, it's not that hard." I know, right? What the fuck? (And, not for nothing, I'm curious what her wedding was like...)

The thing is, bridey, the woman who wrote this comment? She's not alone. Several people believe that planning a wedding is easy, and that you must be doing it "wrong" if you're stuck. And, as somebody who has planned a gazillion weddings, I can tell you with absolutely certainty that there is nothing easy about planning a wedding. I mean... Forget the décor, logistics and the wedding gown... That's the easy part. That's the gravy. The full time job is balancing the precarious combination of family, money and anxiety. Right? That's the shit that makes planning a wedding difficult. That's the shit that takes on a life of its own. Now, does that give you the right to be an entitled, bridey bitch because things are challenging? No, but it does give you the right to raise your hand and ask for help; something I feel that brides should do more often. (Ahem... Hire a wedding planner!)

On Bitchless Bride, I stand on my hot pink soap box and preach about being nice while planning your wedding, by on the same token, I preach the brutal truth about WHY weddings can be such a pain in the ass. Let's be honest, dealing with family dynamics and financial shit when you're not planning a wedding can be laborious, but dealing with family dynamics and financial shit while planning a wedding? Fucking brutal. Seriously, that's why I wrote, "Help! I'm Not Excited for My Wedding" in the first place. The three P's (pressure, precedence and perfection) can really fuck you up when you're trying to balance all of the other delicate pieces of planning a wedding. For most brides, it takes a lot of strength to filter out the noise and push forward. That's why so many couples head to Vegas!

See why I'm so pissed about that stupid comment? One little, asinine, blanket statement managed to completely minimize everything a bride goes through to keep up her balancing act. Because, to some of you, planning your wedding actually IS full time job simply because of the dynamics you're dealing with along the way. Bridey, I know I can be tough on you, but this time? I 100% have your back. So, stay strong! Plan the wedding that you want, and don't let stupid little comments get in your way. I'll try to do the same!

Image via Mushy Cloud

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** Mother of the Bride Blues

August 13, 2013:

So... I received this "Ask Bitchless" in my mailbox the other day and feel as though the only way I can possbily respond is "in person"... And considering my own parents were married on a Tuesday, I have a few words of wisdom for the "Internal Eloper". Here's her dilemma:

Hello BB,

I’m in need of some advice. My fiancé and I have decided our wedding date (yay!). It’s Wednesday, October 29, 2014, the exact date of our ten year anniversary. SCREETCH! Did you say WEDNESDAY?! Yes, Wednesday. We wanted to keep our original anniversary date, but have only one hold up... my mother.

My parents are traditionalists and believe that weddings are reserved for Saturdays, and that the parents of the bride should be the ones funding the soiree. That being said, they want us to change the date to sometime later in 2015 so that they have time to gather the funds, and for us to choose a weekend date so that my grandmother (and all of her extended family who I have never met) can see her only granddaughter get married. As my mother said, "this day is not about you. It is about your grandma. Don't take this pleasure away from us." Am I crazy? Am I turning into a bitchy bride by wanting to keep my original date? Please let me know.

Sincerely,
Internal Eloper

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Help! I'm Not Excited for My Wedding...

My name is Bitchless Bride, and I was not excited for my wedding. Well, until I made some major adjustments to the wedding plans. Ultimately, my hus and I decided to elope, and no, that's not what I'm suggesting for you, bridey, I'm simply saying that perhaps you need to make some adjustments of your own if you're not excited for your wedding. And, sometimes those adjustments are mental, and sometimes they're actual. But, if you're not excited for your wedding, then take a step back and get to the bottom of it before you're stuck with enormous financial responsibility and subsequently, regret.

Planning a wedding is exciting, right? RIGHT? But, it's also a ton of work... It's bascially another full time job. So, it's no wonder that some of you aren't excited. You're busting your ass with all of the details and shit still doesn't feel right. Maybe it's because there is so much fucking pressure for a wedding day to be perfect or maybe it's because you're drowning in debt, (or both) but, bridey, if you're not excited, you're not alone. Trust me, there are a considerable number of brides who are not excited for their wedding day. Why? Well, in my experience, I blame it on the three P's: Pressure, precedence and perfection.

Pressure. It's brutal. Seriously, when an entire industy, friends and family, and even strangers tell you that your wedding day is supposed to be the best day of your entire life, that's fucking stressful. It adds oodles of pressure on you for that one day to be incomparable to all of the other days, past, present and future. I mean... How are you possibly expected to live up to such an extraordinary standard? Bridey, I know that you can see beyond that bullshit, right?

I've been married for like a decade, and while I look back on my wedding day as one of the best days of my life, that's all it was... ONE FUCKING DAY (which was awesome). So, put it into perspective. Obviously, the birth of my kids is def at the top of the list (um... aside from the ridiculous pain, blood, sweat and tears...), but there have also been plenty of somewhat mundane days that have just been awesome simply because I spent it with my hus... See what I'm getting at? So, let yourself off the hook.

Precedence. This is a tough one especially if you're amongst the first of your peer group to get married. Everybody is looking at you to take the lead, and maybe you don't want the conch. Maybe you just want an intimate ceremony and small reception or maybe you want a kickass party, but no matter what you want, your wedding is going to be the measuring stick against all the rest just because you're first. Which leads to more pressure. But, you know what, bridey? Who cares!??? Let it go! As long as you and your sig other are happy with your plans and your future, then fuck the rest. Let the precedence be set, conch raised high, that you care about the marriage, not just the day. PERIOD.

Perfection. Fucking perfection. Ick. That word... I can hear one of my least favorite brides reminding me that the "centerpieces really need to 'pop', and be perfect." Perfect? REALLY? Or else what? You're not going to get married? C'mon, bridey. I agree that for the money you're dropping on flowers that they should absolutely be gorgeous, but perfect or you're going "to raise hell"? Shut the fuck up. Why don't you spend more time examining your relationship than the flowers... Nobody is perfect, and there isn't an event or wedding in the world that has been perfect. There is always some snafu (large or small), and what needs to be perfect, is your attitude about how to handle a situation when there is a hair out of place. 

Bridey, if you're not excited for your wedding, it's completely understandable. With everything we just discussed, it's not surprising. However, if you can look inward, and let go of the three P's, then perhaps you'll realize that you're anxious about the wedding day, but ecstatic about the marriage. 

Image via Becoming Mindy