Because Clown Make-Up on Your Wedding Day Isn't Cool... Follow Bitchless Beauty's Seven Make-Up Tips


I have been in touch before in my position as a bride-to-be, however today I write to you in the capacity of a make-up artist! I have had some doozies I would LOVE to share with you in the hopes that all brides-to-be can learn from these mishaps that have landed in my lap all too often! Hope you and your readers find this helpful!!


Bridey, this one is pretty simple. We are trialing a look for your wedding day, so us make-up artists (MUAs) are pulling out all the stops to ensure that not only that you look amazing, but also that we GET THE JOB. If we don’t – you STILL get a full face of make up at your trial. A full face = a full face, period. It does not matter if you’re about to walk down the aisle go get a loaf of bread before heading home. It’s still my time, and your face.

(A tip? Schedule a trial before you go to an event! Have it before the hens night! Or before the company Christmas party! Before the Races! Before the theatre! If you waste a full face, that’s your problem.)

True story? I had one bride come to the makeup trial with her mother – her mother who was SO NOT SUBTLE about studying exactly what I was doing and literally taking notes. Yeah, obviously Mum wanted to do her make up on the day by copying what I did. (And by the way… I saw those photos. Mum, the untrained make-up artist, did the make-up. And it showed. Really. Enjoy showing your grandkids those beautiful pictures!) Seriously, this is my livelihood. Don’t be so effing insulting.


I get it, you’re not an MUA and you have no idea what you want to look like on your wedding day. Do you wear make up? At all? Cool, let me know, we’ll keep the palette light and neutral. Is it a vintage, silent movie themed wedding? Brilliant, a matte finish and perhaps a burgundy lip. Do you have sensitive skin or are you allergic to any products? I need to know this shit. Throw me a bone before I get to work, and I guarantee you a good result.

Try your very best not to be one of those brides who has no idea what she wants until we finish our THIRD full face, and then be all “......hmm, actually now that I see it on, a smoky eye really isn’t my thing.” Once is fine – but after our third go round of not knowing what you like until you see what you hate, you are REALLY starting to get on my last nerve, and I’m going to have to charge you MORE than one full face. Do some homework like you would if you were shopping for a dress – look at make-up looks you really like (maybe on models or celebrities with similar complexions/eye shapes/bone structure). It’ll be fun, I promise.

3. “BUT WHEN I DO IT...”:

This isn’t rocket science. Have a look at my folio, and stuff I’ve done. If you like what you see, let’s do this thing! But, we’re here because you want a professional result. If I hear one more, “when I do my make-up, I make it look like this…” I’m gonna take someone out with a mascara wand. If you like what you do, that’s awesome! Do your make up on your wedding day! You’ll save money, and will be guaranteed a satisfactory result.


After the make-up trial, I tell all my brides-to-be to take some pictures of themselves! Take one in natural light, in lamplight, under harsh bathroom halogen lights – all of this to make sure that being photographed in any location will come out ok. And Bridey, smile in your pictures! I had one client who was so over the whole process that she pouted (no, not duck-faced, POUTED LIKE A LITTLE BITCH) her way through all her trial pics, and surprise surprise! She didn’t like the results.

Channel your feelings when you got engaged or how you felt when you first met your fiancée; anything that’s gonna make you beam with joy!! And then send these along to your bridesmaids and your Mum. At the end of the day, YOU have to be happy with these results, and if on your wedding day, we have meddling maids and Mums in our faces saying things like, “What are you doing now? Are you sure that’s the right colour for her? Oh darling, I don’t know, I think that might be a bit severe for you.” Etc. etc. You will be stressed, I will be stressed, and nothing will be good enough to please everyone.


It’s your wedding day!! The day you’ve more than likely been dreaming about since it first occurred to you to make Barbie a veil out of toilet paper. You, and everybody around you is so excited! But, if we’re in the middle of making you up, and you jump out of your seat every time someone new enters the room, we’ll never get you ready in time. I mean really, why did you invite everyone you know to watch you get ready? This seriously makes for a way less of a dramatic entrance when you walk down the aisle.


So we’re booked - you, three bridesmaids, and mother-of-the-bride. Start at this time, and finish at that time. If a couple more friends want to get their make-up done, fine. But tell me before hand so I can arrive earlier. Also you’ve decided you would like a lilac palette instead of taupe’s? And on second thought, you WILL go with false eyelashes? Let me know so my kit is stocked before I get there.


Bridey, please give your phone to someone else. Your liquid eyeliner WILL look like shit if you insist on texting while I’m trying to give you surgical precision.

Follow these seven tips bridey, and you will be brilliant on your wedding day! Even better? Your make-up artist WON’T be tempted to sabotage you by applying heavy coats of normal mascara when you’ve stipulated that you’re likely to cry. (No, I’ve never done that. But tempted? Sorely.)

All the best,

Bitchless Beauty