Liar Liar Pants on Fire

Cheater!!! Yeah, I said it… CHEEEEAAATER! You’re really gonna plan a wedding and then waste everybody’s time because you’re a fucking cheat? Cause you couldn’t keep your snatch to yourself? How about this? Don’t do it. Not just because all of us are helping you plan your wedding and you’re wasting our time, but don’t do it because it’s just not right. And more then anything else, this is the BEGINNING of your life together. You really want to start out as an unfaithful bitch?

In all of the years that I have been in “the industry”, I have only worked with two cheaters (who actually came clean to me). One was a bride who found out that her fiancé cheated on her, and the other cheated on her soon to be husband during her bachelorette weekend to Mexico. Really? Here is how it all went down.

Let’s start with my poor bride whose fiancé couldn’t keep that dick of his to himself. I was seriously going to file a missing persons report because this chick was ALWAYS in touch with me, and went missing for like two weeks! When she finally resurfaced, she was withdrawn and so not herself. I knew something was wrong, but because she was so different, I knew I couldn’t ask her what was going on. She’d have to come to me first… Ultimately, she spilled the beans, and while I was listening to her tell the story, I just sat at my desk, jaw hanging open, thanking God that she wasn’t telling me this in person because there was no way I could keep my facial expressions to myself. The worst part? The cheating bastard? Not much of a bastard. He was actually a nice guy. This was completely out of character for him. So what the fuck? Yeah, she didn’t know either. She said that she wasn’t sure she could go through with the wedding.

Honestly, I was very careful not to say too much. I didn’t know how all of this was going to shake out, so I needed to be as diplomatic as possible. I sharing this story because if you are even thinking about cheating, then you need to identify what else is going on (or not going on) in your relationship, and then figure out your next move. In this particular case, the wedding was postponed for 6 months while they decided whether or not to stay together. Ultimately, they married. She said that once she got over the hurt, it really opened her eyes to the flaws in their relationship. She cared enough about him to move on and they “vowed” to work harder at their relationship. I dunno… This kind of thing makes me angry (as you might have guessed based on the tone of this post). Not sure I’d have taken him back.

The other bride was a slightly stupid, insecure woman who just looooved attention. Her groom was handsome, charismatic and charming. (Girls, I wouldn’t have thrown him outta bed!) It was obvious to anybody who met him that he was completely in love with her, and would do anything to make her happy. SHE told me how happy he made her. So, when she reflected on her recent trip to Mexico with the girls, and casually mentioned her rendezvous, I was floored. I felt like I was going to turn around and see Ashton. This time I was standing in front of her, and had to do my best to hide my emotions (yeah… I’m not really good at that… People generally know where they stand with me). My bride was remorseful, but not nearly remorseful enough. Very blasé. And you know what? I believe she told me, because after the wedding, I could easily disappear. I’ll go away, and I have nothing to gain by letting the cat out of the bag. How was I going to get through this event?

I’ve seen a whole lot in my days as a planner, but for the first time I really had to dig deep to pull this wedding off with a smile on my face. The entire day felt like a lie to me. Those endless hours of planning, pages of emails, hours of phone time… all so that they can get divorced in a few years. Listen, I am no saint and I am not naïve enough to think that this kind of thing doesn’t happen and won’t happen again and again, but when it comes to cheating… just don’t do it. Deal with your shit before you accept a proposal or don’t get married. K?