"Duel" Maid of Honors

Story Submitted by "Misery Maid"

I was very surprised when a friend asked me to be her "Co-Maid of Honor." First of all, at that point we were seeing each other maybe 3 times a year despite living in the same city, and secondly, I'd never heard of a CO-Maid of Honor. Turns out, there's a good reason for that!

I'd met the other “Maid” several times and always thought she'd seemed nice enough, was laid-back and super-artsy. And since I consider myself to be all of those things, I thought we’d be just fine. Turns out, people whom you can have great conversations with at a party are not always the best people to work with.

For example, I got a save the date for the bachelorette party, BEFORE being asked if I was available that weekend. I was pissed, but took a deep breath and went about my business, because what was the point in saying anything after the dates had been sent out to all guests? But, next came the e-mail outlining her plans for the two-day bachelorette-a-thon, starting with a 6am run through Central Park, a break to go home and shower, going to the Bronx for horseback lessons, going to the Plaza for tea, going to Staten Island for croquet lessons (I did not even know such a thing existed!), hitting a sex shop for a class, and then Sunday, hitting the beach at Coney Island. This bitch basically wanted to hit every borough in one day, literally jumping all over the map, showering directly BEFORE horseback riding, and asking girls flying into NYC for this to spend their days taking trains from one end of the earth to the next (do you KNOW how long a train ride from the Bronx to downtown Manhattan to the ferry to Staten Island would take?? To quote the Sandlot, FOR-EV-ER).

After work, I sat down to craft my response, careful not to be snarky (which is my nature), to say that while I appreciated her great ideas, perhaps we needed to narrow them down a bit in the interest of time and money. I think Kristin Wiig was seriously hiding in my studio working on her Bridesmaids script, because , FIVE SECONDS AFTER HITTING "SEND" MY PHONE WAS RINGING. The bitch was yelling about my "very hostile” email. HUH? While she was busy barking, I pulled up the e-mail I'd literally spent an hour de-snarking, and continued to ask her what exactly I'd said to offend her, reiterating my points that her ideas were fun, but maybe a little much for one day.

I could go on and on about what a pain in the ass this girl was, and how miserable she made me throughout the lengthy wedding planning experience, but I've already bitched enough. To cut to the moral of the story, you should never have two maids of honors. While your bridal party should ideally be a group that can get along and work well together, it is not always going to happen that way- they need someone to tell them what to do when the bride can't, or to tell them that if the bride said pastel nails she fucking meant pastel nails (my co- maid was wearing her "signature" bright red nail color). 

Brides, pick ONE friend who can handle the responsibilities implied in the maid of “honor” position, because asking someone who can't is basically promising your entire party, who are often spending plenty of time and money prepping for your big day, all sorts of drama. 

PS - Did I mention that after spending well over a grand and about a year's worth of time on this wedding, I didn't even get a plus one? I guess there's a reason why my new engaged friend asked me to be in her party and prefaced it with "I swear it won't be like the last one!"