“Doesn’t it ever depress you?” she asked with a blank stare, eyes darting around the room.
“Does what depress me?” asked Bitchless.
“That statistically, half of all of your couples will end in up in divorce court.” she chirped.
WHHHHAAATTTT? I mean… This statement rattled me. I wasn’t prepared for it. I started sweating. I wasn’t prepared for WHO said it. I just stood there wondering how the hell I was supposed to answer that fucking ridiculous question without offending the very hoity-toity mother of the bride (MOB).
Actually, I guess it wasn’t so much that it was a ridiculous thing to say (because unfortunately this bitch wasn’t wrong), but rather the timing of when she said it. You see we were venue shopping with the bride, looking at some stupid ballroom when this crazy MOB drops this bomb. Honestly, I felt bad for the sales manager showing us the space... She was totally green to “the industry”, and probably walked away thinking that all MOBs were like this (MOBs can be bad, but THIS breed was unusual!)… I wouldn’t be surprised if she got into a new line of work after that site visit!
“I guess I hadn’t thought about it that way.” Bitchless said with a slow smile.
Here’s the kicker… we were WITH the father of the bride (FOB), AND they were NOT divorced (clearly pretty miserable, but still together). Right? WTF? Who says that? WHY say it even if you are thinking it?
The good news is that the bride seemed pretty indifferent to her mother’s casual, bomb dropping comment, which was just fine with me because the idea of witnessing the two of them duke it out was more than I could handle. I mean I was still recovering from the shrapnel stuck in my head.
Brides! If your mother is coo coo… then I suggest leaving her at home until you need a deposit. In fact, I suggest eloping because while YOU might be used to her crazy antics, the rest of us are not. Besides, it’ll never be your wedding anyway, so use her only when necessary! If not, I can assure you, you are too far-gone; you will never achieve “Bitchless” status and neither will your damn crazy mother.