Because It's Not Only YOUR Day
Story submitted and written by Dazed and Confused
First, thank you and God bless you for making this site! I am feeling better just reading it.
I absolutely agree that the bride and groom should have their special day be as they wish; more than any narcissistic family members who may try to take over, the bride and groom should be in charge and not be overshadowed or railroaded. However, with that said, OMG I'm going to scream if I hear the phrase "such and such is OUR DAY" when used to justify demands and expectations of family members and in-laws who manipulate others like puppets throughout the excruciating, multi-day event that is today's wedding "day". Gosh, if ONLY just the wedding ceremony and reception were extent of "OUR DAY," it would be so much easier to endure!
My complaint comes from the fact that I was completely excluded from the wedding party and received no acknowledgment or appreciation (however brief or simple) for trying to keep my husband of fifteen years from saying unflattering things about his family in his toast as Best Man. I supported his decision to spend a huge amount of our money on a lavish bachelor party for his somewhat estranged brother, paying the priest at the wedding from my personal checkbook, and taking numerous phone calls from the wedding party throughout the weekend to get things, bring things, find people, etc. when my husband was not in their immediate vicinity to jump at their command. (And this was because he was usually on another errand fixing something that was ill planned or trying to appease the endless commands of his own mother, who is not married and therefore is a victim for life and needs my husband to be her surrogate at every family event.)
Anyway, I wish that I had been told straight out "this is going to be OUR DAY, and we are not planning on including you in ANY way, but… we will expect you to do and pay for many things that are not the obligation of an ordinary guest. And, we will hold it against you if you do ANYTHING other then what we command. And don't plan on spending more than five minutes with your husband because he is our Best Man, and belongs to US. If you do not meet our demands and wish to not attend this nightmare (of a wedding), we will be angry with you forever, and treat you with all the disdain and unpleasantness we can manage at any future family events. So, either attend the wedding and we will pretend you do not exist as a close family member while at the same time we happily accept your efforts and money to fix our screw ups and to avert disasters.
Honestly, I think if I knew then what I know now, I would have stayed home, sent my best regards, saved a ton of money and anguish, and called it a day--I mean, called it FOUR days. And maybe I would have even been happy to see my husband when he finally returned home.
Because, clearly it's not important to follow the directive of the priest and society in general and actually TRY to practice loving to each other, or to actually build a solid relationship. I guess it’s only important to LOOK as "good" as possible for the video and professional photos, and not speak a word of protest or disagreement lest anyone realize that this is not such a "perfect" family after all.
Why, why, why do people act this way and then wonder why the family is not close; why we don’t get along, and why we can't wait to get the hell out of there? Thank God we live halfway across the country from these lovely, thoughtful, upstanding people who had their “perfect” wedding. And thank God we were there to celebrate.