Bitch! You're Fired!

I am so fired up today. Seriously, sometimes I just want to throw in the fucking towel and scream "WE'RE THROUGH! YOU'RE FIRED!" Can I do that? Can I fire this bridey bitch? Because after an insanely frustrating year and a half of planning, I am spent. I honestly don't feel like I have it in me for another two months... And as we draw closer and closer to the wedding, I am at such odds with myself. I feel like the crazy one because although I am happy to see her wedding day come and go, in the meantime, the endless diatribe of bullshit gets bigger and bigger because she is JUST SO STRESSED about her fucking wedding. Really?

And yes, I said a year and a half.... That's how long I have been working with by far the craziest and most likely bipolar bride who quite literally drives me to the bottle and makes me wish I never took her on as a client. But... it didn't start out that way... They never do. And because all of your bridey bitches are on your very best behavior during our initial meeting, it makes it difficult to truly determine if we are going to be a good fit. Because I want to believe you are a good person. Because I want your business. And because if I like you, then I definitely want to do an awesome job planning your wedding. But if you trick me with your cool kindness, and then unleash the bridey bitch, I hate you. And I don't want to do anything for you. Kind of a conflict of interest, right?

Seriously, for those of you brides who are looking to hire a planner, let your true colors show from the start. Because if not, then you are just as bad as those assholes on, or whatever that put up a picture that was taken like ten years ago... I mean it. You might as well be that person, because if you're covering up your crazy from the start, then all you are doing is hiding behind that dated picture... And as Luigi Pirandello once said, "We think we understand each other, but we never really do." And if we don't understand each other, then how can I truly make your wedding day everything you want it to be?

Brideys, please listen to me! Don't worry about letting the crazy show during your initial appointment. SOMEBODY will work with you, and actually that somebody might even be me. As long as I KNOW what I am in for from the get-go, then I can brace myself for what's to come. I can anticipate your craziness. I can anticipate that you are not of a sound mind and nothing we discuss (over and over again) is really going to sink in because you are not a rational person. And I can also build in an "aggravation fee" into my pricing.

So, play fair bridey, let it all out so that everybody can make an informed decision. Okay?