So, I was at the gym the other day, (Ewwww... I have officially become one of those girls who starts off a story by bragging about how I was at the gym! It's not like that, really! I got baby weight to lose, bridey, which is a whole other post for a whole other blog! Anyway...) and I started chatting with the woman, old enough to be my mother, who shared a story about how the guest list for her niece's wedding took an ugly turn. I won't get into all of the gory details, because I although I was focused on the dirt of her story, I was also attempting to burn off the spare tire that loves to present itself in every shirt I own.
Basically, her niece was picking and choosing the guest list for wedding in a way that was extremely hurtful to close family. I believe the cliche I am looking for is 'cherry picking' the guest guest list. And I'm not talking about the family members whose names you forget because you see them once every five years at a funeral, I'm talking CLOSE family members; like, people important to your MIL important. Right? Bridey, while choosing your guest list is among the most difficult tasks of planning your wedding (just wait until you start placing those guests at tables!), remember that this list will stay with you for the rest of your life. It's a fine line between choosing your guest list, and choosing who will stay in your life once the wedding is over.
Look, I totally get it! Weddings are fucking expensive. The more people the more money. Plain and simple. But, your choices now will have repercussions later. So, if it's not a money thing, then get over it, and invite your soon to be MIL's cousin from Cincinnati, because let me tell you, your MIL won't forget that you didn't invite her. You will, but she won't and when you least expect it, she'll torture you with that choice down the line. If it is a money thing, then be honest, bridey. Tell your MIL (or whomever you are leaving off of the list), that money is tight, and although you want to make her happy by inviting her cousin from Cincinnati, it's stretching your budget too far. If she really wants her there, then she will probably offer to pay for her "plate". But, no matter what you do don't ignore it! Because it's not about leaving cousin Martha off of the list, it's about not discussing leaving cousin Martha off of the list.
Bridey, I know a girl who wasn't asked to be in a friends wedding (which would be a fucking blessing... Just kidding... sort of!), who was so hurt by the bride's choice not to discuss the reasoning behind her decision, that they are no longer friends. And while choosing your bridal party is a bit different than choosing the guest list, the mistake the bride made was not to address it with her friend. Just like not addressing not inviting close family members.
The gist, bridey? Invite who you are going to invite. Each situation is different, and I totally respect that, but remember, a simple conversation can save a lifetime of emotional mindfucking later.
Image via Philadelphia Magazine