Posts in Fatty Had a Party
Cupcakes: Time to Climb Down from that Tree
Maybe it’s because I want to be alone with a pile of cupcakes at this moment (yeah… BB is nursing a gin hangover, and clearly the best remedy is something sweet and possibly even something greasy), or maybe it’s because I’m currently working with some cool-ass brides and have nothing to share with you this second, but I feel like I owe it to the world to write about cupcakes. You see, Bitchless Bride is absolutely obsessed with cupcakes and anything cake related, and when it comes time for your cake tasting, I (as your planner) always find a way to be present whether my opinion is needed or not. But here’s the thing… BB is not a fan of replacing your wedding cake for a cupcake tree.
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Here Comes the (800 Pound) Bride
Bridey’s… you and I have talked a great deal about losing weight before your wedding, which dress is best for you and your body, and extreme weight loss via the nasogastric tube, but this story is one that will shock the shit out of you… Yesterday on the Dr. Phill show, he interviewed a bride to be who was trying to GAIN weight. Yes, you read that correctly.
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The Tube of Desperation: Nasogastric Tube
I’m really busy today, so this is going to be a quick one… But, I just couldn’t resist throwing in my two cents regarding the New York Times story about a bride using a nasogastric tube  to lose weight… All I have to say is “are you FUCKING kidding me”? Brides, are you so desperate to lose weight before your wedding that you are sticking a fucking tube down your throat? Really? REALLY?
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From Strapless to Fabulous
Girls… sorry to say, but not all of you should wear a strapless dress on your wedding day. Yeah, yeah I know I’m a bitch, but listen to me! I am pro woman, and pro all of that shit, but truth be told, YOU will be at your best on your wedding day if you listen to your instincts (or to me). If those bridal boot camp classes never happened or if you didn’t lose the weight you wanted to before the big day, it’s okay… just be sure to get the right wedding dress for your figure.
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Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle, Wiggle
So… I once knew a bride who gained ten pounds in ten days on her honeymoon… Right? Why? And more importantly, how? How could any “normal” girl gain ten pounds in ten days? Well, I know this will shock you, but… she lost so much weight for her wedding (by not eating of course), that when she got on that Hawaiian Airlines flight to paradise, it was like somebody attached a feedbag to that skinny face of hers, and she never stopped eating. You know why? Because she was fucking hungry!
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