Posts in Industry Folk
The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Designing My Dream Bride

The other day, a friend of mine asked me who my dream bride would be. Huh? Of course, I immediately asked if she was serious or if she was fucking with me. She assured me that she was dead serious, and then said, "if you could design your dream bride, what would "she" be like?" Oooooooo.... This was getting interesting! Right? If nothing else, it certainly got me thinking... What DOES my dream bride look like? And, with Christmas just a few days away, and millions impending proposals and engagements on the horizon, the timing of her question seemed appropriate. Just think... If even just 90% of you, brideys, read this post right after your engagement, then my job is done! So, here it goes... Bitchless Bride's Dream Bride:

1. My dream bride would remember who she was before she got engaged! Kinda the whole point of my blog, right? Just because you're engaged, doesn't give you the right to be a bitch. Remember, what you put out there is what you'll get back. So, bridey, if you're nice to people (vendors, bridesmaids, etc.), then they will be nice to you. They will do nice things for you. They will go out of their way for you. However, if you are a total bitch, then you'll get the bare minimum from those around you. Seriously, why would your bridesmaids go out of their way for you if they are beginning to hate you? Same goes for your vendors. If you treat them like shit, why should they go above and beyond? Right? Consider this a fact.

2. My dream bride would remember WHY she wanted to get married in the first place... Um, the dude or the chick your want to spend the rest of your life with... Your sig other! PERSPECTIVE!! See the girl in the picture? She's happy! And, you should be too! You're marrying the love of your life!! (And if you're not, then that's a whole other blog post!)

Bridey, I eloped, and I know that eloping isn't for everybody, but all I could think of at the time was that I loved my hus, and we had a shitload of family dynamics that could have presented themselves at the worst possible time. But, no matter what? I wanted to be with the dude. So, even if we had stuck to the plan and had a big wedding, all I wanted was him...

3. My dream bride would treat people with respect (friends, family, vendors). Piggybacking off of number one... Don't be a bitch. Treat people with respect. It's so simple and basic (human decency), and yet oftentimes it gets lost when the wedding planning gets stressful or emotions become extreme. Just remember to breathe, bridey, and be nice. It will be well worth it!

4. My dream bride would trust me (and all of the other professionals she hired) unequivocally. She would trust that if we are working together, that I know what I am doing, and let me do it. Don't get in my way. Don't think that because your maid of honor (MOH) got married a month ago that we should listen to her (or whothefuckever). Just let me take your dream, and run with it (with established boundaries, of course)!

5. My dream bride would skip the micromanaging bullshit. Again, you have to trust me, and let me present you with the applicable details. Bridey, your vendors are not going to share the nitty gritty with you, and honestly, you don't want to know all of the behind the scenes shit that you are missing. Just back off,

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The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bitchless Bride's PSA

Why does the asshole always win? You know what I mean? It's always the asshole who gets a free meal because he was rude to the server. It's the asshole who gets special attention at the fancy hotel because he's scared them with the threat of a bad review (so they concede to his every whim). It's the asshole who is surrounded by "yes men" because people are so afraid of setting him off that it becomes easier to enable the shitty behavior instead of dealing with a disappointing outcome. Seriously, I want to know why this is okay; why this is accepted behavior.

And, frankly, I'm no stranger to it... I always try to please the super bitchy bride/groom so that my life is easier later. Right? Isn't that why we all do it? So we don't suffer the consequences down the road no matter how bumpy the ride may be. I mean, don't get me wrong, BB ain't no pushover, but sometimes it's easier to concede than to fight the fight.

Well, as of today, I quit.

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The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Five Crucial Wedding Appointment Etiquette Guidelines

I feel like I need to piggyback off of our Vendor Vent for today... It's an important topic, so if you haven't read it, bridey, then check it out. It's a touchy subject for the industry because we are really tired of being taken advantage of, particularly when it comes to appointments... Making them, keeping them, and fucking around with our time. Therefore you need to know the rules of engagement (sorry, couldn't help it!). Ready?

Wedding Appointment Etiquette ~ Five Crucial Guidelines to Follow:

1. Here's my absolute favorite... Bridey, don't ever just "walk-in" to a hotel, bakery, dress shop, photography studio, etc. expecting to be seen, and then get pissed off if you have to wait or are turned away because they can't see you. If you've purchased my wedding planning guide, then you know that this is a big no-no. I mean, you would never just "walk-in" to your doctor's office demanding to be seen, would you? No. And if you did, then the nice lady behind the counter would most likely put you in your place. So please, pay us the same courtesy and phone first. Make an appointment so that we can be prepared for your arrival versus feeling annoyed because you assumed that you could be seen simply because you walked in. 

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Labor Day on the "Double"

Happy Labor Day brideys! Who's getting married this weekend? You? Anybody you know? Well, hopefully you are lucky enough to escape the woes of attending a holiday wedding and enjoy some time with your OWN family. But not matter what, I tip my hat to my fellow colleagues who are working this weekend (yours truly included). Because while you, bridey, suck in the last rays of summer, it's a "double double" for us.

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Fool Me Once, Shame on You; Fool Me Twice, Fuck You
So.... remember that post BB wrote as a my OWN vendor vent? You know, the one about how I got fucked over in front of my client when one of my vendors didn't show up for an appointment? Well, all of the feedback I received on BB and via my personal contacts said to give him another chance. We all agreed that because he was protecting existing business (he had to deal with an issue that would have effected the success of a wedding he had that evening, and therefore he did not make our scheduled meeting), then you HAVE to take care of the business you already have versus potential new business.
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Why the Right Floor Plan Can Rock Your Wedding!

Person + Killian Photography

Brideys, I need you to retain this post, because it has come to my attention on several occasions that you all are super uninformed on one crucial wedding planning piece. When you read our post on OneWed, you will see that we are dedicated to helping you make your wedding better and different from all of the others. But, right now I really want to dive into our first point on the OneWed post.

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All That Glitters Is Not Always Gold

From the Desk of "Goldilocks"... Bride AND Vendor:

I’ve peeked behind the curtain and…. Hum, I was really really disappointed.  To what am I referring to you ask?  In the bridal world, especially on the East coast, there is one spot that is a hands down wedding institution, a place that is a bridal rite of passage for dress shopping: I would say the name, but I don’t want to get in trouble with the ringmaster, so please use your imagination. For now, I will refer to it as “The Institution”.

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Work Hard, Play... Oh Wait, Work Hard
“The industry” is recovering after working the entire Memorial Day weekend. While most of you were busy barbequing, beaching, Hamptoning, and even attending a few weddings, the peeps in the wedding industry were busy tending to your every need. And man we were busy! You see, a long weekend for us means long hours, long days, and sometimes long faces. We are on our feet creating that beautiful day for you, but you know what? We fucking love it!
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Yelp! I've Been Hit


Warning: This post is for all of the people in "the industry" who get fucked by the public every day and have to smile back at the perp. If you think my blog is generally too racy, then this post is not for you. If you dig our honesty, then read on…

I am fired up. Frankly, I’m fucking pissed off. This topic has been brought to my attention on several occasions, and I feel like every time I turn around another one of my peers has been hit by a bad review. And undeserved bad review. A review from a deranged, crazy bitch that has no business writing about an “irresponsible” or “insensitive” vendor when she herself is a lunatic. You see, just because somebody is insane enough to marry you doesn’t mean that you aren’t a crazy bitch. Crazy people get married too…

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Venue Ready?
It’s fucking 9 AM. Why is this day different from all other days? On all other days we go about our business, but today it’s 9 AM on your wedding day (for those of you who caught onto my “spiel” good for you!). You wake up, announce to your bridesmaids sharing your honeymoon suite, “Oh my God! It’s my wedding day! Let’s go check out the space!” STOP. Stop right there.
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Be Smart... Hire a Professional
Remember the phrase “don’t shit where you eat”? I know I am being vulgar right now, but it’s the only way I can think of that will get my point across. How about this… Don’t hire your friends or family to perform a service for your wedding. Don’t have your soon to be brother-in-law photograph your wedding. Don’t have your best friend who enjoys baking make your wedding cake. And don’t have your cousin disc jockey. You know why? Because they will fuck it up…
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Listen Up
So, I’m doin' fucking a freebie… No, I don’t usually do them, and yes I usually hate that I got myself involved, but every once in a while there is a cause you believe in, so you suck it up and “do work” as Big Black would say. The cause… Katherine and Darren. They are friends of mine who met in “the industry” working a tonzillion hours, and fell in love in the process. And because they are so busy planning everybody else’s weddings, there is no time to plan their own. Figures.
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"The Industry"
Throughout the blog, I refer quite a bit to “the industry”. I am talking about the hospitality industry. We are anybody stupid enough to choose a career in a profession where abuse is a common and everyday occurrence. From the time we cross the threshold into the crazy world of hospitality, we are taught that “the customer is always right” (even if they are dead wrong), and to bite our lip or else we can and WILL be replaced by a younger, more eager stupid-ass newbie who desperately wants to get a foot in the door. You see there is no hotline for us to call about getting help,
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