The other day, a friend of mine asked me who my dream bride would be. Huh? Of course, I immediately asked if she was serious or if she was fucking with me. She assured me that she was dead serious, and then said, "if you could design your dream bride, what would "she" be like?" Oooooooo.... This was getting interesting! Right? If nothing else, it certainly got me thinking... What DOES my dream bride look like? And, with Christmas just a few days away, and millions impending proposals and engagements on the horizon, the timing of her question seemed appropriate. Just think... If even just 90% of you, brideys, read this post right after your engagement, then my job is done! So, here it goes... Bitchless Bride's Dream Bride:
1. My dream bride would remember who she was before she got engaged! Kinda the whole point of my blog, right? Just because you're engaged, doesn't give you the right to be a bitch. Remember, what you put out there is what you'll get back. So, bridey, if you're nice to people (vendors, bridesmaids, etc.), then they will be nice to you. They will do nice things for you. They will go out of their way for you. However, if you are a total bitch, then you'll get the bare minimum from those around you. Seriously, why would your bridesmaids go out of their way for you if they are beginning to hate you? Same goes for your vendors. If you treat them like shit, why should they go above and beyond? Right? Consider this a fact.
2. My dream bride would remember WHY she wanted to get married in the first place... Um, the dude or the chick your want to spend the rest of your life with... Your sig other! PERSPECTIVE!! See the girl in the picture? She's happy! And, you should be too! You're marrying the love of your life!! (And if you're not, then that's a whole other blog post!)
Bridey, I eloped, and I know that eloping isn't for everybody, but all I could think of at the time was that I loved my hus, and we had a shitload of family dynamics that could have presented themselves at the worst possible time. But, no matter what? I wanted to be with the dude. So, even if we had stuck to the plan and had a big wedding, all I wanted was him...
3. My dream bride would treat people with respect (friends, family, vendors). Piggybacking off of number one... Don't be a bitch. Treat people with respect. It's so simple and basic (human decency), and yet oftentimes it gets lost when the wedding planning gets stressful or emotions become extreme. Just remember to breathe, bridey, and be nice. It will be well worth it!
4. My dream bride would trust me (and all of the other professionals she hired) unequivocally. She would trust that if we are working together, that I know what I am doing, and let me do it. Don't get in my way. Don't think that because your maid of honor (MOH) got married a month ago that we should listen to her (or whothefuckever). Just let me take your dream, and run with it (with established boundaries, of course)!
5. My dream bride would skip the micromanaging bullshit. Again, you have to trust me, and let me present you with the applicable details. Bridey, your vendors are not going to share the nitty gritty with you, and honestly, you don't want to know all of the behind the scenes shit that you are missing. Just back off,
Why does the asshole always win? You know what I mean? It's always the asshole who gets a free meal because he was rude to the server. It's the asshole who gets special attention at the fancy hotel because he's scared them with the threat of a bad review (so they concede to his every whim). It's the asshole who is surrounded by "yes men" because people are so afraid of setting him off that it becomes easier to enable the shitty behavior instead of dealing with a disappointing outcome. Seriously, I want to know why this is okay; why this is accepted behavior.
And, frankly, I'm no stranger to it... I always try to please the super bitchy bride/groom so that my life is easier later. Right? Isn't that why we all do it? So we don't suffer the consequences down the road no matter how bumpy the ride may be. I mean, don't get me wrong, BB ain't no pushover, but sometimes it's easier to concede than to fight the fight.
Well, as of today, I quit.
I feel like I need to piggyback off of our Vendor Vent for today... It's an important topic, so if you haven't read it, bridey, then check it out. It's a touchy subject for the industry because we are really tired of being taken advantage of, particularly when it comes to appointments... Making them, keeping them, and fucking around with our time. Therefore you need to know the rules of engagement (sorry, couldn't help it!). Ready?
Wedding Appointment Etiquette ~ Five Crucial Guidelines to Follow:
1. Here's my absolute favorite... Bridey, don't ever just "walk-in" to a hotel, bakery, dress shop, photography studio, etc. expecting to be seen, and then get pissed off if you have to wait or are turned away because they can't see you. If you've purchased my wedding planning guide, then you know that this is a big no-no. I mean, you would never just "walk-in" to your doctor's office demanding to be seen, would you? No. And if you did, then the nice lady behind the counter would most likely put you in your place. So please, pay us the same courtesy and phone first. Make an appointment so that we can be prepared for your arrival versus feeling annoyed because you assumed that you could be seen simply because you walked in.
Happy Labor Day brideys! Who's getting married this weekend? You? Anybody you know? Well, hopefully you are lucky enough to escape the woes of attending a holiday wedding and enjoy some time with your OWN family. But not matter what, I tip my hat to my fellow colleagues who are working this weekend (yours truly included). Because while you, bridey, suck in the last rays of summer, it's a "double double" for us.
Brideys, I need you to retain this post, because it has come to my attention on several occasions that you all are super uninformed on one crucial wedding planning piece. When you read our post on OneWed, you will see that we are dedicated to helping you make your wedding better and different from all of the others. But, right now I really want to dive into our first point on the OneWed post.
From the Desk of "Goldilocks"... Bride AND Vendor:
I’ve peeked behind the curtain and…. Hum, I was really really disappointed. To what am I referring to you ask? In the bridal world, especially on the East coast, there is one spot that is a hands down wedding institution, a place that is a bridal rite of passage for dress shopping: I would say the name, but I don’t want to get in trouble with the ringmaster, so please use your imagination. For now, I will refer to it as “The Institution”.
Warning: This post is for all of the people in "the industry" who get fucked by the public every day and have to smile back at the perp. If you think my blog is generally too racy, then this post is not for you. If you dig our honesty, then read on…
I am fired up. Frankly, I’m fucking pissed off. This topic has been brought to my attention on several occasions, and I feel like every time I turn around another one of my peers has been hit by a bad review. And undeserved bad review. A review from a deranged, crazy bitch that has no business writing about an “irresponsible” or “insensitive” vendor when she herself is a lunatic. You see, just because somebody is insane enough to marry you doesn’t mean that you aren’t a crazy bitch. Crazy people get married too…
I want to know… who married their Mr. Big?
You see, a group of us in “the industry” were talking, and while we’ve all had a Mr. Big in our lives, none of us actually married him. More often than not, Mr. Big seems to represent something to us ladies that until we met him, we didn’t even know we wanted or was missing in the first place.