Bride

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Which Came First, the Bride or the Bitch?

Bridey, the timing of this article is not an accident. With stupid Valentine's Day just around the corner (not to mention the millions of girls who were engaged over the holidays), several once well-behaved girlfriends will turn into entitled, bitchy brides-to-be. I'm not quite sure where the transition from nice, sweet girlfriend to crazy, bitch bride (aka: Bridaldemia) takes place, but there is a serious fucking breakdown somewhere, and it needs to stop. And, I, Bitchless Bride, am determined to put an end to using your newly achieved bridal status as an excuse for shit behavior. 

But, here's the thing? Which came first, the bride or the bitch? Seriously, did these new brides start off as bitches or were they given an excuse; a free pass to be a bitch simply for being a bride? Are the newly engaged (girls) just owning up to the expected behavior that society has justified? I was thinking about this the other day when I was engaged (forgive the pun) in a super awkward conversation with a woman who knows I don't like her. Of course, my mind immediately went to, "Damn, I bet she was a real beast while planning her wedding," but, then I immediately decided that she wasn't salvageable. I'm positive that she was a bitch from the get-go. And, some of you brides start off as bitches, but I find it hard to believe that all of you do!

Let's talk more about this "expected behavior". I believe that it all starts innocently enough. Bridey, you're engaged! YAY! It's super exciting, and the beginning of a new stage in your life. But, with that stage comes uncertainty, and with uncertainty comes fear and stress. And, when the fear and stress kick in, the little girl inside of us begins to rage. And, that is when the bitch is cut loose. However, instead of putting a leash on that crazy bitch, she's celebrated. Right? I mean, there are fucking television shows which follow this crazy bitch around, just to see how rude she'll be to the next person in her path, and that makes it okay somehow. So, why cage the animal? Right? It's okay... She's a bride... Well, you know what? Fuck that!

It reminds me of how I was when I was pregnant. I wasn't a bitch, but I was eating for 25. I swear, I was on the cupcake and mac-n-cheese diet (and it was awesome). I mean, wasn't that expected of me? I was creating a human being for Gods sake, and needed the endurance to make him strong, right? Wrong. In reality, all I really needed was an extra 300 calories a day (like a glass of whole milk), not a whole fucking cow! But, I was pregnant, and every time I turned around somebody was excusing my behavior. Similar to how we excuse the heinous behavior so many brides. But, my cupcake addiction was a hurdle that I had to overcome once I had the baby; I wasn't hurting anybody else except myself. But, as a bride behaving badly? You're actually hurting people. 

I know it sounds dramatic, but it's true. Bridey, you have no idea how your behavior can change the course of somebody else's day, week, year or even life. I started Bitchless Bride because of how one bride made me feel. ONE BRIDE. That bitch made me question everything I had ever known professionally, and I worked with her for 16 months. SIXTEEN FUCKING MONTHS. And, based on the conversations I have had with other professionals in the wedding industry, I'm not alone. We have all had at least one bride who made us doubt how good we really are.

So, bridey... Which bride are you going to be? Are you going to see what you can get away with because it's expected of you, or are you going to harness the bitch, and be kind? Surprisingly, it's your choice.

Image via Wedding Bee

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, Please Don't Throw an Engagement Party Only for the Presents...

Not gonna lie... This story horrified me. Like H.O.R.R.I.F.I.E.D. me. One of my esteemed colleagues in the industry told me about a bride who actually asked her to help her plan an engagement party for the sole purpose of receiving presents from her guests. I know! WHAT the fuck is that all about? I mean, I don't know this bride, but I already hate the bitch... What are we, five years old? You only want the party for the presents? Wow. Really, bridey? Talk about not respecting your guests... And, it gets worse... Just wait for it.

Well, not only did this crazy chick want to host an engagement "party" specifically for the loot, she was only looking to spend, drumroll please.... $15/per person. OMFG! REALLY? So, in case you're not clear, this bitch was going to host a "party" with minimal food, obviously a cash bar, and no entertainment so that she and her fiancé could completely take advantage of the poor people invited to this shitty little shindig. This is an all time low for me, bridey, and it wasn't even my bride! Because if it were? I'd tell her to find a new wedding planner. 

Let's do a little simple math, shall we? Let's say 75 guests attend the "party" (I can't help but use quotes simply because this is totally not a real party.) So, 75 x $15 = $1,125.00. Hey big spender... Really? So, basically, this girl is willing to waste everybody's time hosting a "party" (that, let's be honest, nobody wants to go to...) with like two passed hors d'oeuvres (if they're lucky) per person + a cash bar simply because she wants the presents. Seriously? What a bitch! Look, I don't care how much money you have to spend or not, bridey, but $15 per person is just not enough to call a party. PERIOD. And, this bride? Well, she clearly knows it! I mean... You're better off putting it towards your wedding and forgoing this lovely affair.

Bridey, if you're desperate enough to pull a stunt like this, then, for the love of God, please go about it differently. Don't punish the very people you're hoping to steal, I mean receive, gifts from. Spoil them. Or at the very least, make them believe that you're spoiling them. Open your house to them, serve them some decent food and wine, and ask a friend to create an awesome playlist to set the mood for the evening. You'll spend less money, gain more respect, and get those damn presents all without offending anybody with a cheap, shitty "party".

One question I'd be asking myself (quite seriously) if I were you, bridey, is why you're so focused on the presents? Could the need for the presents potentially be a mask for a deeper issue? Are they your reward for marrying your sig other? Is focusing on the gifts a way for both of you to receive something that you're not currently getting from each other? I know it sounds crazy, but when I hear shit like this, I have to take a hard look at the couple, and wonder what's missing? Why are they so unfulfilled? Because, the alternative? Well, it's that people really are selfish enough to throw an engagement party simply for the gifts.

Image via Huffington Post

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ FLASH BACK: Gynecologically Speaking

***I needed a good laugh today. Soooo... I thought I would share this post from 2011 not only because it's funny, but because it's educational too. And because my mom was probably the only one reading Bitchless Bride back then, I'm assuming that most of you probably haven't seen this masterpiece. Enjoy and learn, bridey!***

December 22, 2011:

So, I’m just sayin’… I know that we don’t talk about the amount of sex that everybody has on his or her honeymoon, but we should. I know that you will be busy relaxing and reminiscing about your perfect wedding day on that beautiful tropical island you have jetted off to, but you will also be busy getting busy too. So be proactive! Make an appointment with your gynecologist before your trip, and ask him/her to give you a script for a UTI infection (that you fill prior to your trip) to take with you. There is nothing worse then being away from home, especially in a foreign country, and having an issue “down there”. Better safe than sorry!

And on that note… don’t forget to take your pills, insert your birth control, use a condom, etc. You don’t want to come back from your honeymoon with more then a tan.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ When the Bride Knows More Than Her Planner... REALLY??

I had to share this vendor vent with you, bridey. And, I had to put it front and center because I think it's safe to say that pretty much every wedding planner I know gets frustrated when the bride (or the couple) thinks she knows more than her planner. It's irritating. It's annoying. It's fucking grounds for dropping you as a client. Seriously, bridey, don't bother hiring a wedding planner if you're going to challenge her/his every move. Do it yourself. Be a DIY bride, and I'm not talking about making your own centerpieces; I'm talking about planning your own damn wedding.

Written by Mrs. Peacock:

Hello! OK, so, I love your blog. As a planner, I feel like it should be required reading for all my brides and grooms. (Ahem... Me too!!) Thanks for giving us vendors a place to commiserate.

Anyways, one of your posts - Bridey, Don't Go Away Mad, Just Go Away!, really resonated with me.

Yes. So. Many. Times. Yes.

How I wish I followed this advice and my own intuition with my last bride + groom. You know those couples who think that they know how to plan a wedding better than their planner does? They often go hand in hand with the my wedding has to look exactly like this million dollar wedding but at a tiny fraction of the price couple? And so often, throughout the planning, you know that these people are going to find reason to be upset about something, so what's the point in bending over backwards to try to make them happy? The type that treat you like you are their personal assistant that they have always wanted to have just to abuse? The ones who flat out refuse to listen to your (and all the other vendors!) skilled advice, and then when things don't go according to plan (just as you told them it would) precisely BECAUSE of their own ill advised choices, they berate you for it? Yeah, it was one of those couples.

I knew I should've walked away in the early stages but I didn't because -and here's the kicker- they were friends of mine. Friends of mine who had hidden the entitled vicious privileged brat side of them very well over the years. Friends of mine who clearly viewed the roles of Bride and Groom as tyrannical King and Queen. And yes, I've learned my lesson working with friends now. But the point is, had I just walked away from what was clearly going to be a losing situation, I could've saved myself a lot of stress, time, heartache, and unfortunately, a friendship.

- Mrs. Peacock

***

Basically, bridey? If you hire a wedding planner, then it's up to you to decide to trust her/him. Make a conscious choice to trust her/him, just as you would with any other professional you hire in any other aspect of your life. If not, then plan it yourself.

Image via Friar Tux Shop

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bitchless Bride's PSA #2... Be Pleasant While You Plan

In October of 2013, I wrote a post called Bitchless Bride's PSA. It was all about how we as a society (both in "the industry" and outside of it) tend to let the assholes win. It's like, whoever makes the most noise gets the prize simply so that we can shut them up. And while, it still pisses me off that we are so quick to bend over for the dickhead who threatens the precious equilibrium, the other part of my PSA was to give more love and attention to those clients who actually deserve it. The clients who are lovely and respectful, but just need some help with the logistics or design of their wedding. So, today, I thought I would dive into who those people are, rather than focus on the assholes.

Over the last few weeks, I have been lucky enough to have had lunch with a few fellow wedding planners, and as the conversation flowed (as it always does when you put two chatty women together), it came down to rooting for the underdog. Huh? The underdog? Yes!! The underdog, the nice bride (clearly, a bride who reads BB!). The chick who has kept the same persona since the day she hired us. The girl who sometimes starts her emails with, "I'm so sorry to be high maintenance, but...", although she is not high maintenance at all, or the one who feels badly about potentially being needy, but who isn't. Those girls!! "We" as planners, totally root for you! You are the ones we want to bend over backwards to help! You renew our love for what we do, and in a world of assholes, you have no idea how powerful your niceness is!

I have been preaching this for years, bridey. YEARS! And, with each chatty conversation I have with my peers, it's so clear to me that I have been on to something. BE FUCKING NICE! I mean... It's something we all learned in kindergarten and seem to have forgotten as we have aged. Bridey, you will get so much more out of your wedding vendors (and people in general) if you're pleasant while you plan. And you know what? This is universal. Everybody I know feels the same fucking way. 

Around the time I wrote Bitchless Bride's PSA, I had been re-reading a few posts from October 2012, and seriously felt sick. Because in 2012, I was absolutely writhing from the grips of a terrible client I had worked with for over 16 months. She was a fucking beast, and I should have fired her, but I was in way too deep... And, we (wedding planners), have all had one of those clients. The ones we totally bend over for, simply so that she will shut the fuck up, and go away for a bit. After the wedding, I was definitely questioning why I plan weddings for bitches who don't appreciate the hard work that goes into each event (hence why it is so important for the good ones to renew our love for our profession), and I vowed that I will never get in that deep again; that I would fire the next bitch who made me feel as though I am anything but her equal.

Every single wedding planner I know has a story like mine, bridey. And it baffles me. Because, it's so much easier to get what you want (and even get a few things comped) simply by being pleasant while you plan... Got it?

Image via vivanspace

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ A Crazy, Drunk Groom, a Naked Bitch and a Cinco de Mayo Witch

Let me start off by saying that our company must have some sort of magnet for the crazies.

Crazy #1, "The Drunk Groom"

Our company was hired by a bride and groom for their rental items. They requested delivery and set up the day before (nothing out of the ordinary). We arrived late afternoon the day before as promised with every item they rented. Set up was perfect, all good to go. Around 11:00pm that night, my phone rings. It's the groom. He's screaming that we were late and that the color is not at all what he wanted. It took us a while to actually make out what he was saying between the screams and slurred speech. My husband takes the phone and tries to explain that it is impossible for us to be late...everything was already set up and your wedding is tomorrow. And as far as the color, what are you talking about you saw the swatch beforehand. Somehow this man thought that it was going to look different in the room. He then demands that we switch out everything for a different color, which is impossible since it is now 11:30pm on a Friday. 

We try to explain that this is the color they ordered, we even send pictures of our linen swatches to show him. This only infuriates him more; he claims that he wants my husband to go there right now so he can kick his ass. Yes, this man on the night before his wedding is trying to fight us. My husband tells him to calm down, he's getting married tomorrow, and everything they ordered is there and ready to be used. The groom goes ballistic saying "How dare you f***ing threaten me?! You piece of sh**! You scumbag! I'm going to find you RIGHT NOW!” My husband responded, "Ok then, see you soon." We never heard from him again. 

The day after their wedding this man is supposed to be on his honeymoon (it was a destination wedding) enjoying his new bride, but no. He takes to the internet viciously bashing us everywhere he could, claiming the owner threatened him, we refused to help them, we were late to their wedding, and that everything was filthy. This was in 2012.

It is now 2014 and the man continues to stalk our company. Every few months we will receive notifications that he is updating his review or publishing reviews on companies that he thinks are related to us. 

Crazy #2, "Crazy Naked Bitch"

We were hired by a woman for a party at her home.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ REALLY? A Bride Ties a Baby to her Wedding Dress?

OMG? WHAT the fuck? I had a whole other THT prepared (which you will see next Tuesday), but after I read this story on Buzzfeed, I literally dropped everything so that I could weigh in on this ridiculousness. Bridey, in case you missed it, check out this link. Yeah, apparently, the bride wanted her one month old baby girl to be part of the wedding ceremony; to be with her as she went down the aisle, so instead of I don't know, CARRYING her, she tied the baby to the train of her wedding dress, and dragged her down the aisle. Can I get an OMG, WHAT THE FUCK?! Right???

Look, I'm not trying to be a hater. You know that's not how I roll. In fact, I spend a ton of time writing about how to make your wedding your own, how to ignore the "noise" and the bullshit and I truly try to push you, bridey, to do what's important to the two of you on your wedding day. And, for those of you who already have children together (or from another relationship), awesome! It's a fabulous idea to include them in your wedding ceremony or even have them walk you down the aisle! But, adhering your children to your wedding dress? I'm sorry, but that's all sorts of fucked up. Not only that, but it's dangerous! Your wedding dress is long, and your shoes are high. And sometimes, shit happens and a girl can lose her balance. Yeah, that alone is not pretty, but at least you're not putting anybody else's safety at risk; certainly not a four week old baby.

Some people are suggesting that the authorities ought to get involved, but I disagree. While I think it was an incredibly stupid idea, I don't automatically connect the dots, point my finger at the bride and deem her as an unfit parent. Perhaps the hormones got the best of her and she really believed that the baby was "covered by Christ". Or perhaps she really, really thought it was a good idea to drag her newborn behind her. Whatever the case may be, it was not a good idea; it was a terrible idea. And I don't think I am the only one who thought so...

If you look at the pic on Buzzfeed, there is a gentleman on the edge of the aisle who clearly looks horrified... You can definitely see "what the fuck" written all over his face. So, my question (or two) is why the hell didn't anybody suggest that the bride carry the child with or instead of her bouquet? Why didn't anybody mention to the bride that the baby may get injured, or that it would be plain stupid and fucking weird to drag her down the aisle? I dunno, but having a very young child behind you (instead of in front of you or next to you) in any situation seems dangerous. But, to do it intentionally? That's fucked up.

What do you think? Haters gonna hate? Or just a really stupid idea?

Image via The Bridal Bar

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Can I Get a HOLYSHITGODDAMN?

***Guest Post: Story by Heavy Cross***

Bitchless Beauty reporting for duty - though this time, as a super irate and fed up bride-to-be. And I think I know one way that brides can cut down on their stress, frustration, anger and the ensuing red mist that can only mean we're approaching Bitchzilla territory.

It's by saying 'fuck off' to those who REALLY need to hear it. NOT your wedding planner, NOT your make up artist, and NOT your caterer (i.e. the people you're paying, so thefore you feel some sort of entitlement). Your vendors know what they are doing, and you're paying them based on your own educated decision.

Say it to whomever has truly earned it. The people you're NOT paying. The people who DON'T know what they're doing. Yes - the people on your guest list, family members or old friends that you by now 'have' to get along with, so they know damned well they can throw tact to the wind and give you all sorts of advice about how they did it, how they would do it, and how you should do it.

I've been working in this industry for years, and I can safely say that I'm a pretty laidback bride - as in, close to horizontal. All I really care about is that the people I love are in the same place for the day, and that at the end of it I am married to my favourite person. If that happens, I've kicked a goal. I have swallowed and digested all manner of advice, recommendations, insinuations and ideas.

I get that everyone involved feels they have some sort of stake in or ownership of the wedding, and I know that it ultimately comes from a place of love and excitement. But, HOLYSHITGODDAMN.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ The Bridal Party Breakup

It's the truth hurts Tuesday brideys! And boy do I have a story for you! The best part of this story (actually, more like the worst)? It happened to me. And looking back, I definitely should have and could have handled it better, but frankly I feel like I never should have been in this situation in the first place. Actually, that's why I am choosing to share this story with you so that if you are in a similar position as a bride-to-be, you won't do what this bride did. I mean, she completely put me on the spot and forced a reaction from me that was kind, but not truthful. Any idea where I am going with this brideys?

Here's a hint... Don't ask a very new friend (new as in you've known her for about two months) to be your MAID OF HONOR! It's a hell of an honor and a huge responsibility, so if you don't know somebody well enough, then you might not realize just how much you are asking of them. Instead of the honor that it should be, it may feel more like entrapment to your friend

Happy Wife, Happy Life… Really?

Doesn’t the phrase “happy wife, happy life” seem a bit archaic to you? Perhaps a bit chauvinistic? It’s like this phrase single-handedly justifies a certain crop of women to behave badly. It’s like; “Uh-oh husbands… if your wife is a miserable bitch then you will be too, so you better keep her happy at all costs.” And you know what? You probably will be a miserable husband if your wife is miserable, but it’s not your fault. Well, it’s not all your fault. It’s only your fault if you enable your wife’s bad behavior, and buy into the bullshit that she’s the only one who gets to be happy in your marriage.

She's a True Bitchless Bride, Nominated for Her Elegance and Grace

Hello brideys.... I didn't even know I wanted to do this. I mean, it wasn't on the radar or even near the radar, but as Bitchless Bride continues to grow, I am learning that it's not always about what I plan to do, it's about providing excellent content. And this, is excellent content.

I feel like it is my duty to share the following Bitchless Bride nomination with you. This story was submitted to me by a fellow wedding vendor, and it's so fucking fantastic, that I not only needed to show it to you, but it begs the question... Is there anybody you'd like to nominate as a true Bitchless Bride? 

Here We Go Again... Vendors Afraid of Being Hit on Weddingwire and Yelp!

**STORY SUBMITTED BY AN INVITATION PROFESSIONAL**

Hey BB,

I have to share a story with you. I know this bride who complained about everything (I know this is a huge shocker for you). Seriously, nobody could make this bride happy. Of course, her poor fiancé was a doll, and we all just wanted to say, “Why are you with her?! Run while can, please!." Yes, she was on a tight budget, I get that but…

How to Be Hot & Spicy Minus the Bitchy

{Image: Victor's Photojournalism via http://www.maharaniweddings.com}

I run a small Indian restaurant in a fairly large city. A huge part of our business if catering for weddings which mean I get to deal with crazy brides at least a couple times a week, if not more. 

The one thing I don't understand is why brides won't listen to me when I'm explaining the spice levels of the dishes they want. We are a authentic Indian restaurant, and our food is spicy though we do give you a choice on just how spicy you'd like for it to be. If I, someone who's been doing this for 5 years now, am telling you that its not a good idea to order Chicken Curry hot, it probably isn't. It doesn't matter if you can eat it hot, chances are 99% of your guests can't and are crying after eating two bites.

This is How It's Done... Writing a Glowing Letter to Management

Good afternoon Mr. General Manager,

Please excuse the tardiness of this note; however it's taken me a while to determine exactly how I wanted to praise an absolutely incredible manager I had the pleasure of working with at your venue. Ms. Sarah Smith and I began our journey together last August 2011 upon signing the wedding contract of Ms. Amanda Frank and Mr. Samuel Counter to be married at your venue on October 13, 2012. We signed the contract with your sales team after much back and forth finally agreeing on the terms and conditions presented to us.

Sarah was quick to reach out and introduce herself. I immediately found her to be extremely knowledgeable, friendly and encouraging. And that was just the beginning...

Life is not Fair; Get Used to It

Hello my name is Bitchless Bride and it’s been nine days since I was last used. It’s been nine days since I felt such an incredible high as I was showered with praise and gratitude from the vendors involved in “her” wedding, and at the same time experienced such an amazing crash as I thought about all of the times that my bride should have been smiling and wasn’t. This mess of feelings all within a fourteen-hour span... And I can’t seem to let it go. I can’t move on. I keep replaying the evening over and over again in my head. It’s like this bitch and her wedding are stuck on me. And after all of these years that I’ve “used”, I think the reason I can’t seem to move forward is because I refuse to accept that maybe this time, I got used. And you know what? I don’t like it.

I'm Still in Recovery

Today I feel sick. Today I feel sad. And I know what this is all about... I have the after-wedding hangover. Irregardless of how much I fucking hated this bride, I worked my ass off for over a year making all of the details fit perfectly into this colossal event. I mean, I worked with her for sixteen months. SIXTEEN MONTHS! And even though she was a total bitch and pretty much every moment I spent with her was excruciating,

Sorry, But It Ain't Kosher...

As I am preparing for the "big one" this weekend, I've been reflecting on the wedding I produced this past Saturday, and if I do say so myself, it was absolutely spectacular! I don't know if it was the full moon or what, but the decor was out of this world, the bride was stunning and sweet (totally one of the good ones), the food... OMG... the food was absolutely incredible (and that cake... holy shit! I had some alone time with the red velvet heaven, and boy was I a happy camper!), but there was one little annoying aspect that only two people knew about; the cranky old man, and me.

Don't be Fooled by the "Rocks" That I Got

You know what I am getting so sick of hearing? (I bet you'll never guess based on the picture...)

"Oh my God! You're a wedding planner? How EXCITING? Are you like, JLo?" REALLY? C'mon people. When did that movie even come out?

Besides, is my job really that exciting? Because to me it's actually quite stressful, super aggravating, and oftentimes has me thinking about why I couldn't have more of a "normal" job like everybody else. And you know what? No you can't call me fucking JLo. I mean if you really think about it, JLo's character in that movie is kinda of depressing. Let's strip down the "glamorous" wedding planning part for just a sec... Does anybody else find it a bit melancholy that she comes home after her event, eats by herself, and ultimately falls in love with one of her grooms? And you know what? The ending NEVER would have been that amicable... Fists would have been a flyin'...

But anyway... Similar to the Rainbows and Unicorns post I wrote (you know, the one about the young aspiring wedding planners with a giant hard-on for "the industry"? The ones who email me their resume every fucking day?), this post is along the same vein, but these people don't actually want to do my job. Instead, they usually just have super boring jobs, like in finance or something, and attack me with questions because obviously what I do is much more exciting. And I get it, but if you reallly want to take something away from being a wedding planner, then I'll fill you in on what I tell myself when the going gets rough and tough. (Brideys, pay close attention because if you want to be remembered like this, by all of your vendors, then quickly evaluate if you deserve it by educating yourselves via BB.)