Ceremony

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ 10 Ways Your Mom Can Ruin Your Wedding Day

A few years ago, I wrote this this piece for the Huffington Post, and the reason I'm reposting it today is that I heard a horriffic MOB story and felt an overwhelming need to post this article. Bridey, there is a ton of shit that you will have to overcome during your wedding planning and sometimes even on your wedding day... Hopefully, your mother won't be one of them.

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I'm not a mother of the bride (MOB) hater, but even with that disclaimer, I guarantee that this article will not make me very popular amongst you moms. Actually, I'm pretty confident that after I spill these particular beans, I'm probably going to have every MOB emailing me messages stating their disappointment (such a mom word); accusing me of crossing that line of basic respect for our parentals, but based on my experience, I feel like it is my responsibility to share these beans with all of you brides-to-be so that you actually enjoy your wedding day.

Keep in mind, bridey, the only reason I am privy to this list is because I've witnessed it. That said, if you know what to look for, then at least you can consider yourself forewarned, and not let the crazy MOB get you down.

  1. Mom notices the little things that you never would have seen in your euphoric wedding day state, and keeps telling you about them. For instance, your menu cards are not quite center, one of the bridesmaid dresses is too tight, there's a place setting missing at table 24, blah, blah blah.
  2. Mom will not stop talking shit about your dad's new girlfriend. "How could he have brought her here? I mean, on such a special day for the family."
  3. Mom is constantly telling you to reapply your lipstick, "for the sake of the photographs, honey."
  4. Your mom? She's downright hammered. Must have been because of your dad's new girlfriend. Somebody really needs to pry the Chardonnay out of her hands. 
  5. I give you brideys a lot of shit about keeping your wedding planning in perspective, and not being a crazy bitch on your wedding day. But, today? Well, today it's your mom who is the bridezilla. She's an attention whore. She's a diva. She's a total bitch, demanding attention from anybody who will listen. She's out of control.
  6. Mom keeps referring to your wedding as "her day," even at the ceremony.
  7. Mom invited several guests you didn't even want at the wedding, and is off "entertaining" them while your photographer is trying to get a few family shots.
  8. She's a control freak. She keeps telling your vendors what to do, when to do it and basically, how to do their jobs. 
  9. She is following you around reminding you not to drink too much... "You want to remember everything about your wedding day, honey. I'd hate to see you drink too much and have your memories get muddled."
  10. You totally caught her taking a fingerful of the icing on the cake, and all she said is that no one will notice. Whaaaaa??!! (True story!)

Brideys, as a straight shooter, and as somebody who always has your back, consider yourselves forewarned. The best way around a poorly behaved MOB on your wedding day? Simply ignore her bad behavior (don't feed it), enjoy your new husband and have a good time! Got it? Good! Stay Bitchless!

Image via Beauty | High50

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Why Sharing the Wedding Plans with the Groom is Super Important

Grrrrrr..... I'm so annoyed. I am knee deep in the throws of wedding and wedding planning season, and suddenly I get a furious phone call from a diva groom who crawled so far up my ass that I actually thought he was gonna come out my mouth. How's THAT for a visual? Ewwwww... But, the crazy thing? I don't blame him, I blame you, bridey, for not sharing all of the pertinent information that you and I have been discussing for months with the most important person in your life!

Bridey, you had MONTHS to tell the dude you're gonna marry some pretty important shit, oh, like I dunno... How you would prefer that he wait for you at the altar instead of walking down the aisle with his parents, or how we completely changed one of the entrée selections (because he'll understand), etc., etc., etc., and now it's up to me to fill him in during a surprise phone call and about four panic attacks later. Thanks. Thanks for putting me in the position of "breaking the news" to him. Bridey, I'm not the one marrying him, you are! And frankly, it's not my job to make sure that you are sharing the decisions we make regarding your wedding with your fiancé! It's yours.

Look, I'm not naive, I know that the grooms carry less weight when it comes to the wedding plans, but for the love of God, bridey, you have to SHARE the plans with the poor guy; especially when it comes to the ceremony! Seriously, the groom I spoke to (for the first time, BTW... yeah, it was a lovely first impression for both of us) was practically reaching for a brown paper bag

Super SLIMEY Sunday ~ A Bride's Plea for Help

Hey BB!

Plea for help!

I had a pretty bad experience with our officiant at our wedding... 

We had spoken to him on the phone and felt really good about him, so we went ahead and booked. At that point, he sent us their "suggested ceremonies", none of which we liked at all. His "most popular" one was this weird thing about the 5 needs of men (a wife who puts out, always acts like she's into it, keeps the house nice and "wears her hair in a style that is pleasing to him") and the 5 needs of women (I can't remember any but that she wanted to be financially provided for and get cuddles... seriously).

After seeing that, we decided we'd probably do better to try and draft our own ceremony and ask him to follow it- he said that was totally cool, and actually complimented the ceremony when I first sent it via email as well as 2 weeks before the wedding when we did our sit down planning meeting. We went over the ceremony, he asked us to add some things, cut some things and allow him to improv specific parts, all of which we agreed to. We felt really good about everything when we left. 

However, the day of the wedding it felt like he hadn't looked at our ceremony again after that meeting. He messed up the name of one of my dead grandfathers (my grandmother was obviously pretty upset), included parts of the ceremony he'd wanted us to cut, and in general seemed very uncomfortable and lost (lots of awkward pauses and "umm"s). I'd made a point of explaining that I would be keeping my name and didn't want to be announced as Mr. and Mrs. X.

Why I Love a Fake Wedding Band

Above... The fake wedding bands I carry in my emergency kit. 

I lost my wedding band. Seriously, I can’t find it anywhere. And I have to say that my hus has been pretty cool about it and hasn’t started to freak out (yet) because I tend to leave my “valuables” around the house. But, I was heading out for dinner and drinks with the girls, and felt weird leaving rockin’ only my engagement ring. Soooo… I dug into my emergency bag (you know, THE emergency bag? The one I use on your wedding day bridey…) pulled out a fake wedding band, and wore it with my engagement ring. And you know what? It’s shocking how real it looked next to my diamond. But, that’s not the point… The point is as I was gazing down at my fake wedding band bling, I remembered the story of Tim and Jessica, and the reason why I started packing fake wedding bands in the first place.

A Crazy Mother-in-Law, A Ripped Veil and A Broken Bustle... This is Pattie's Real Wedding Story

It doesn't get more real than this real wedding! A giant THANK YOU to Pattie for submitting her story and pictures of the how her wedding day really went down. Get comfy brideys, this is a juicy one!

Bridey, how did you meet your spouse?

Jeremy and I met in 2004 at Clemson University. Our roommates were dating and decided that we should meet! So we did! The rest is history!

Who Likes to Rock the Party? Six Definite Party Pleasers...

I am basking in the glow of a successful wedding. I just love this feeling. Seriously, I wish I could bottle it and sell it (similar to how I feel after a kickass workout!). THIS is why I do what I do. And sometimes brideys, I need a reminder. And as I watched my two friends tie the knot in their cute, quirky and loveable way, I felt all of the tension and excitement from an awesome, but somewhat intense wedding season just melt away. It's couples like this make me want to throw a parade for all of you good ones out there... And by "good ones", I mean the couples that understand that a wedding is a celebration of two lives forever joined, not a stressful mess of all the pretty details. 

With This Ring Thee Wed… BB’s Helpful Tips on How to Write Your Wedding Vows

{Image via http://www.fanpop.com}

As you probably saw from my last piece on Huff Post Weddings, I eloped. And a huge part of that decision was because my husband wasn’t quite comfortable professing his undying love for me in front of 150 guests. But, more that than our vows were really personal, and he is very private (so am I… HA! There’s certainly nothing private about me!). Definitely not an ideal platform for him to promise to rub my feet following a long weekend of work, or to always open my car door, even though he knows I can do it myself, etc. So, we went a different route.

Because It's Not Only YOUR Day

Story submitted and written by Dazed and Confused

First, thank you and God bless you for making this site! I am feeling better just reading it.

I absolutely agree that the bride and groom should have their special day be as they wish; more than any narcissistic family members who may try to take over, the bride and groom should be in charge and not be overshadowed or railroaded. However, with that said, OMG I'm going to scream if I hear the phrase "such and such is OUR DAY" when used to justify demands and expectations of family members and in-laws who manipulate others like puppets