Wedding Planners

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** A Heartfelt Confession from Your Overly Dedicated Wedding Planner

Sometimes I feel guilty when I post a FLASHBACK, but then I realize that if I already have a fantastic post, why reinvent the wheel? Right? I'm still getting my point across, and some of you haven't taken the time to go back and read everything I've ever written, so why the hell not? Anyway, bridey, absorb this one... This is like the worst thing you can do to a wedding planner, event manager (at a venue), etc. Everything worked out in the end (regarding my situation), but I still think back, and resent the hell out of the bride who asked me to jump through hoops when I was down for the count. Don't forget to check out the comments too!

May 26, 2015:

Perspective. There's that fucking word again. Ugh. Perspective. Sometimes even I hate that word because it really does shake the bullshit out of a situation and forces you to see the truth. And, as we all know, the truth really does hurt sometimes. Without giving too much away about myself, recently I went through somewhat of a difficult time, and although the dust has settled, I had the opportunity to reevaluate what's important in my life, and also, what's important your life too, bridey. Because as I was trying to get through my "situation", there was this one bride (who was aware of what I was up against), didn't care and nearly made me throw in the towel, quit wedding planning and search for what's next.

The most fucked up part of the story? This chick was done. Finito! She was married! She had her wedding, came back from her honeymoon and was "checking in" with me. Lovely, right? Well... No. It should have been, but it wasn't. And the crazy thing, is that her wedding day kicked ass. Every detail was executed perfectly, the family dynamics we were concerned about did not present themselves, and she (and her sig other) were quite thrilled with how the day went. So, why was she torturing me? What the fuck did she want? Well, the venue misplaced a few items. SMALL items. Easily replaceable items. And of course, she wanted me to go hunting and fight the fight. 

Really? You want ME to call the venue for you, and have them search for the cake knife and remaining ceremony programs (even though you have an extra box of them at your house)? Really? Bridey, you KNOW that I am in the middle of a personal crisis, and yet, you want me to follow up with the venue? WOW. Listen, I get that I orchestrated your event, handled all of the details and held your hand before sending you down the aisle. But, today, please... Either hold my fucking hand or call the chick at the venue yourself. It's not like you need me to get you thousands of dollars back for a shitty experience. You're asking me to care about a fucking cake knife, that you received as a gift... I mean... It's not a family heirloom, it's a gift from your registry. Deal with it... YOURSELF!

It was all I could do not to lose my shit and say exactly what I was thinking without exercising self control and filtering the bitch out of my voice. But, I did. And it was hard. Because, bridey, I hate to say it, but half of you will end up in divorce court, and you'll want to use that fucking cake knife to stab your sig other in the balls. And the other half of you? Well, you'll have your fair share of shit to deal with too. Real shit. Life or death shit. And that cake knife? You think you will still care about that stupid fucking cake knife? No, you won't. You will care about each other. You'll fight for each other. You'll fight the fights that are worth fighting for. You'll sleep on a chair next to hospital bed, and pray. Or maybe you'll sleep in a hospital bed, and pray for a brighter future. You'll learn that anything can happen at any moment, so appreciate what you have TODAY. Right? Kinda puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

Bridey, your wedding day is nothing more than a symbol of what's to come. I've thrown extravagant, over the top weddings, and I've thrown super simple weddings... And the ones I love the most? The weddings that represent the couple. The weddings that are heartfelt and see beyond the bullshit of "the day". These B+Gs get that their wedding day is only the first step towards whatever future they make of it together. Right?? So, now do you understand how little I care about that fucking cake knife? Can you see why that phone call had me thinking about what else I could possibly do with my life that didn't involve taking care of anybody else besides the people I love and myself?

Bridey, please... Let my confession be food for thought when you find yourself stressing over the stupid shit. In the end? It really doesn't matter. All that matters are the two of you...

Image via EngravingShop.com

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ When the Bride Knows More Than Her Planner... REALLY??

I had to share this vendor vent with you, bridey. And, I had to put it front and center because I think it's safe to say that pretty much every wedding planner I know gets frustrated when the bride (or the couple) thinks she knows more than her planner. It's irritating. It's annoying. It's fucking grounds for dropping you as a client. Seriously, bridey, don't bother hiring a wedding planner if you're going to challenge her/his every move. Do it yourself. Be a DIY bride, and I'm not talking about making your own centerpieces; I'm talking about planning your own damn wedding.

Written by Mrs. Peacock:

Hello! OK, so, I love your blog. As a planner, I feel like it should be required reading for all my brides and grooms. (Ahem... Me too!!) Thanks for giving us vendors a place to commiserate.

Anyways, one of your posts - Bridey, Don't Go Away Mad, Just Go Away!, really resonated with me.

Yes. So. Many. Times. Yes.

How I wish I followed this advice and my own intuition with my last bride + groom. You know those couples who think that they know how to plan a wedding better than their planner does? They often go hand in hand with the my wedding has to look exactly like this million dollar wedding but at a tiny fraction of the price couple? And so often, throughout the planning, you know that these people are going to find reason to be upset about something, so what's the point in bending over backwards to try to make them happy? The type that treat you like you are their personal assistant that they have always wanted to have just to abuse? The ones who flat out refuse to listen to your (and all the other vendors!) skilled advice, and then when things don't go according to plan (just as you told them it would) precisely BECAUSE of their own ill advised choices, they berate you for it? Yeah, it was one of those couples.

I knew I should've walked away in the early stages but I didn't because -and here's the kicker- they were friends of mine. Friends of mine who had hidden the entitled vicious privileged brat side of them very well over the years. Friends of mine who clearly viewed the roles of Bride and Groom as tyrannical King and Queen. And yes, I've learned my lesson working with friends now. But the point is, had I just walked away from what was clearly going to be a losing situation, I could've saved myself a lot of stress, time, heartache, and unfortunately, a friendship.

- Mrs. Peacock

***

Basically, bridey? If you hire a wedding planner, then it's up to you to decide to trust her/him. Make a conscious choice to trust her/him, just as you would with any other professional you hire in any other aspect of your life. If not, then plan it yourself.

Image via Friar Tux Shop

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ A Heartfelt Confession from Your Overly Dedicated Wedding Planner

Perspective. There's that fucking word again. Ugh. Perspective. Sometimes even I hate that word because it really does shake the bullshit out of a situation and forces you to see the truth. And, as we all know, the truth really does hurt sometimes. Without giving too much away about myself, recently I went through somewhat of a difficult time, and although the dust has settled, I had the opportunity to reevaluate what's important in my life, and also, what's important your life too, bridey. Because as I was trying to get through my "situation", there was this one bride (who was aware of what I was up against), didn't care and nearly made me throw in the towel, quit wedding planning and search for what's next.

The most fucked up part of the story? This chick was done. Finito! She was married! She had her wedding, came back from her honeymoon and was "checking in" with me. Lovely, right? Well... No. It should have been, but it wasn't. And the crazy thing, is that her wedding day kicked ass. Every detail was executed perfectly, the family dynamics we were concerned about did not present themselves, and she (and her sig other) were quite thrilled with how the day went. So, why was she torturing me? What the fuck did she want? Well, the venue misplaced a few items. SMALL items. Easily replaceable items. And of course, she wanted me to go hunting and fight the fight. 

Really? You want ME to call the venue for you, and have them search for the cake knife and remaining ceremony programs (even though you have an extra box of them at your house)? Really? Bridey, you KNOW that I am in the middle of a personal crisis, and yet, you want me to follow up with the venue? WOW. Listen, I get that I orchestrated your event, handled all of the details and held your hand before sending you down the aisle. But, today, please... Either hold my fucking hand or call the chick at the venue yourself. It's not like you need me to get you thousands of dollars back for a shitty experience. You're asking me to care about a fucking cake knife, that you received as a gift... I mean... It's not a family heirloom, it's a gift from your registry. Deal with it... YOURSELF!

It was all I could do not to lose my shit and say exactly what I was thinking without exercising self control and filtering the bitch out of my voice. But, I did. And it was hard. Because, bridey, I hate to say it, but half of you will end up in divorce court, and you'll want to use that fucking cake knife to stab your sig other in the balls. And the other half of you? Well, you'll have your fair share of shit to deal with too. Real shit. Life or death shit. And that cake knife? You think you will still care about that stupid fucking cake knife? No, you won't. You will care about each other. You'll fight for each other. You'll fight the fights that are worth fighting for. You'll sleep on a chair next to hospital bed, and pray. Or maybe you'll sleep in a hospital bed, and pray for a brighter future. You'll learn that anything can happen at any moment, so appreciate what you have TODAY. Right? Kinda puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

Bridey, your wedding day is nothing more than a symbol of what's to come. I've thrown extravagant, over the top weddings, and I've thrown super simple weddings... And the ones I love the most? The weddings that represent the couple. The weddings that are heartfelt and see beyond the bullshit of "the day". These B+Gs get that their wedding day is only the first step towards whatever future they make of it together. Right?? So, now do you understand how little I care about that fucking cake knife? Can you see why that phone call had me thinking about what else I could possibly do with my life that didn't involve taking care of anybody else besides the people I love and myself?

Bridey, please... Let my confession be food for thought when you find yourself stressing over the stupid shit. In the end? It really doesn't matter. All that matters are the two of you...

Image via EngravingShop.com

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bitchless Bride's PSA #2... Be Pleasant While You Plan

In October of 2013, I wrote a post called Bitchless Bride's PSA. It was all about how we as a society (both in "the industry" and outside of it) tend to let the assholes win. It's like, whoever makes the most noise gets the prize simply so that we can shut them up. And while, it still pisses me off that we are so quick to bend over for the dickhead who threatens the precious equilibrium, the other part of my PSA was to give more love and attention to those clients who actually deserve it. The clients who are lovely and respectful, but just need some help with the logistics or design of their wedding. So, today, I thought I would dive into who those people are, rather than focus on the assholes.

Over the last few weeks, I have been lucky enough to have had lunch with a few fellow wedding planners, and as the conversation flowed (as it always does when you put two chatty women together), it came down to rooting for the underdog. Huh? The underdog? Yes!! The underdog, the nice bride (clearly, a bride who reads BB!). The chick who has kept the same persona since the day she hired us. The girl who sometimes starts her emails with, "I'm so sorry to be high maintenance, but...", although she is not high maintenance at all, or the one who feels badly about potentially being needy, but who isn't. Those girls!! "We" as planners, totally root for you! You are the ones we want to bend over backwards to help! You renew our love for what we do, and in a world of assholes, you have no idea how powerful your niceness is!

I have been preaching this for years, bridey. YEARS! And, with each chatty conversation I have with my peers, it's so clear to me that I have been on to something. BE FUCKING NICE! I mean... It's something we all learned in kindergarten and seem to have forgotten as we have aged. Bridey, you will get so much more out of your wedding vendors (and people in general) if you're pleasant while you plan. And you know what? This is universal. Everybody I know feels the same fucking way. 

Around the time I wrote Bitchless Bride's PSA, I had been re-reading a few posts from October 2012, and seriously felt sick. Because in 2012, I was absolutely writhing from the grips of a terrible client I had worked with for over 16 months. She was a fucking beast, and I should have fired her, but I was in way too deep... And, we (wedding planners), have all had one of those clients. The ones we totally bend over for, simply so that she will shut the fuck up, and go away for a bit. After the wedding, I was definitely questioning why I plan weddings for bitches who don't appreciate the hard work that goes into each event (hence why it is so important for the good ones to renew our love for our profession), and I vowed that I will never get in that deep again; that I would fire the next bitch who made me feel as though I am anything but her equal.

Every single wedding planner I know has a story like mine, bridey. And it baffles me. Because, it's so much easier to get what you want (and even get a few things comped) simply by being pleasant while you plan... Got it?

Image via vivanspace

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Hey Bridey! Keep Your Bullshit Opinions to Yourself!

"Your prices are outrageous!" Yeah, that's how the conversation began with this potential bride. (Told you I am losing faith in humanity.) Nice way to start, huh? She had called a day prior requesting information about wedding packages, etc., although without the willingness to share a bit about herself, her "dream" and most importantly, her budget. So, I got as much as I possibly could get out of her before she abruptly ended the call. I hesitated, but then said, "Fuck it", and emailed the wedding packages and pricing for her to review.

Which brings us back to the beginning... "Your prices are outrageous!" Yeah, this bitch called back the next fucking day to share her feelings with me. Know what? I totally should have sent her the PITA wedding packages (they're ones which incorporate the Pain In The Ass fee). No, I don't actually have those, but it sure is tempting! OMG... I can only imagine how outrageous she would have thought my pricing was if I emailed those! Again, not that I have them...

Anyway, here's the thing... Some of you may find certain wedding vendor pricing "outrageous", and that's perfectly fine. Don't use them. Choose somebody else. But, please, bridey, do us all a favor and keep your bullshit opinions to yourself! I mean... There's really no need to call back and preach your outrage. Just move on. But, keep this in mind... Most vendors who rank on the pricey side of the spectrum? Yeah, they got there because they're fucking worth it.

I want you to do me a favor, bridey. I dare you to walk into Louis Vuitton and tell the chick helping you select the "perfect" bag that LV's prices are outrageous.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Sometimes, I Wish I Wasn't a Planner

OMG, bridey... I just don't fucking feel like it! I don't feel like plunging into the fall wedding season pool of drama. I don't wanna. I don't feel like being a shrink, a referee, a "nice guy" and your bitch this fall season. You know why? Because I have some shit that I'm dealing with lately, and while I have learned to put my personal "baggage" aside, so that I can sift through yours, bridey, some days are harder than others. Some days I find it almost impossible to keep my grin plastered on my face.

Honestly? Sometimes I wish I followed in the family footsteps and became an attorney so that a callus, straightforward attitude was the norm; no bullshit required. Just the truth, no rainbows, no unicorns, no fluff, no bullshit... only the truth. Because I'm getting pretty tired of the bullshit, bridey. It's exhausting. And like I said, I don't fucking feel like it. I don't feel like putting on a face when all I want to do is tell you to quit whining about finding the perfect flowers to perfectly match the bridesmaids dresses. Because I don't care... But, what's a girl to do? Seriously? Wedding and event planning is ALL I know how to do! It's all I have ever done. And right this second, I don't want to play anymore.

Some of you will read this, think I'm full of shit and move on to the next pretty, frilly wedding blog.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Why it's Important to Hire a Wedding Planner

You know how I perpetually say that wedding planning always comes together in the end? Well, I lied. Wedding planning always comes together in the end if you have a fucking fabulous wedding planner like me, but if you don't, then you might be in some trouble. So, for all of you "newbies" or newly engaged brides, sit down and listen to me. Actually, why don't all of you, brideys, have a seat. Because after this past weekend, I clearly have some more educating to do.

It's no secret that I am a big fan of hiring a wedding planner to orchestrate your wedding plans. Be it a wedding planner who will help secure all of the details from start to finish or a "day of" wedding planner who jumps in a few weeks to a month prior to the big day, or a something in-between the two, but allow me to say it again. BRIDEY, HIRE A WEDDING PLANNER! Just do it. You know why? Because I single-handedly saved a wedding this past weekend. I did. Go me.

Okay... So I am being a touch melodramatic, but here's what happened. I was working with a truly amazing couple. Really, I swear, I'm not writing this with an ounce of sarcasm! Anyway, they were so amazing that several guests wanted to say a few words (or many, many words) about this amazing couple, and as lovely as that was, it was fucking up my perfectly sculpted timeline of events for the evening. And the DJ kept allowing these people to take the mic without clearing it with me first (great guy, but not in my network of trusted vendors)... NOT COOL! 

Most of you probably don't think that this is a big deal. I mean, what's wrong with guests who wish to take the mic for a few? Well, it becomes a chain reaction.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ The Entitled, Part-Time Wedding Planner

This is somewhat of a touchy subject for me because I am a wedding planner, but I gotta get it this story out there because that's what I do; I get shit out there, and sometimes, it isn't just about a bitchy bride. So, here it goes... Ahem... To all of my wedding planner colleagues, quit your bullshit! Okay, I guess it isn't fair for me to include all of you in this broad statement, but there are definitely some of you who are taking advantage of your position (the client), and pissing off a lot of people in your path.

So recently, I was schmoozing with what I like to call my "partners in crime" (a group of venue managers, catering managers at hotels, etc.), and some of what I was hearing was a bit baffling. Story after story of event planners behaving badly. The more I heard, the more embarrassed I became. Although on one level, I felt pretty good because these chicks were comfortable sharing the deets with me (probably because I used to be a catering manager at a fancy hotel), but mostly I felt pissed off because there are wedding and event planners out there who can be just as bad as the bride!

Now I know that as a planner (or bride), we all have our moments. It's frustrating when you're not getting what you need from a venue or catering manager (or any of your vendors), but it's all in how you manage it that matters. Right? What do I always say? Be nice! Whether your a wedding planner or a bride, you get more sugar with honey! It's a really simple concept. People want to help you if you are nice to them!

Here's the story that really stuck out for me. One of the catering managers was telling us about how a certain wedding planner was all over her about obtaining particular details for an upcoming wedding (like nitty gritty shit). And I say upcoming LOOSELY.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Five Ways to Get the Most out of Your Wedding Planner

It seems like every wedding planner I speak to during this insanely busy time tells me the same thing… “OMG, I really love this bride, but…” Or, “This fucking bride is driving me crazy because...” So, because I really, truly want to help YOU, bridey, get the most out of your wedding planner, be it the one you’ve hired independently or the catering manager you’re working with at a hotel or resort, I thought it would be helpful if I shared a few of these… hmmm… “insights” so that you can get the absolute best out of your planner, and not have her (or him) hate you.

Here it goes:

1. Don’t be a micromanager. Just don’t do it. Bridey, I know that some of you have great big jobs that require you to be in control of a large team or an enormous budget, etc., and that’s fantastic. But, please don’t let that spill over into MY domain. The reason I'm in charge is because you don’t know shit about planning a wedding, and I do. Listen, bridey, I'm not telling you something you didn't already know! Right?? So, let me do it! Stop trying to control me! Wedding planning is MY full time job, so please, give me some room to do it. I mean... You are well aware of this fact because you are the one who hired me. So, back off… Let me handle the details without having to run each decision by you first.

2. Don’t be a penny pincher when it comes to paying me! When the penny pinching begins, I seriously want to bang my head against the wall… HARD! It tells me that you clearly have no idea just how much I am doing for you, and dammit, I deserve to get paid for the four hours I spent attending an “emergency planning meeting” with your mother.

3. Don’t confuse me for your therapist. I love to listen. I really do, but

Bitchless Bride Video #16 - We Appreciate Your Business, But We DON'T Consider Ourselves Lucky

Brideys, enough is enough! Stop the entitled insanity! Your vendors are thrilled to work with you, but surprisingly, they expect to be paid for anything additional you want throughout your wedding planning. Don't expect anything for free simply because you've already signed on the dotted line.

BB's video leaving you wanting more? Then check out today's Vendor Vent! "Stop Penny Pinching Me, Bitch!!