The other day, a friend of mine asked me who my dream bride would be. Huh? Of course, I immediately asked if she was serious or if she was fucking with me. She assured me that she was dead serious, and then said, "if you could design your dream bride, what would "she" be like?" Oooooooo.... This was getting interesting! Right? If nothing else, it certainly got me thinking... What DOES my dream bride look like? And, with Christmas just a few days away, and millions impending proposals and engagements on the horizon, the timing of her question seemed appropriate. Just think... If even just 90% of you, brideys, read this post right after your engagement, then my job is done! So, here it goes... Bitchless Bride's Dream Bride:
1. My dream bride would remember who she was before she got engaged! Kinda the whole point of my blog, right? Just because you're engaged, doesn't give you the right to be a bitch. Remember, what you put out there is what you'll get back. So, bridey, if you're nice to people (vendors, bridesmaids, etc.), then they will be nice to you. They will do nice things for you. They will go out of their way for you. However, if you are a total bitch, then you'll get the bare minimum from those around you. Seriously, why would your bridesmaids go out of their way for you if they are beginning to hate you? Same goes for your vendors. If you treat them like shit, why should they go above and beyond? Right? Consider this a fact.
2. My dream bride would remember WHY she wanted to get married in the first place... Um, the dude or the chick your want to spend the rest of your life with... Your sig other! PERSPECTIVE!! See the girl in the picture? She's happy! And, you should be too! You're marrying the love of your life!! (And if you're not, then that's a whole other blog post!)
Bridey, I eloped, and I know that eloping isn't for everybody, but all I could think of at the time was that I loved my hus, and we had a shitload of family dynamics that could have presented themselves at the worst possible time. But, no matter what? I wanted to be with the dude. So, even if we had stuck to the plan and had a big wedding, all I wanted was him...
3. My dream bride would treat people with respect (friends, family, vendors). Piggybacking off of number one... Don't be a bitch. Treat people with respect. It's so simple and basic (human decency), and yet oftentimes it gets lost when the wedding planning gets stressful or emotions become extreme. Just remember to breathe, bridey, and be nice. It will be well worth it!
4. My dream bride would trust me (and all of the other professionals she hired) unequivocally. She would trust that if we are working together, that I know what I am doing, and let me do it. Don't get in my way. Don't think that because your maid of honor (MOH) got married a month ago that we should listen to her (or whothefuckever). Just let me take your dream, and run with it (with established boundaries, of course)!
5. My dream bride would skip the micromanaging bullshit. Again, you have to trust me, and let me present you with the applicable details. Bridey, your vendors are not going to share the nitty gritty with you, and honestly, you don't want to know all of the behind the scenes shit that you are missing. Just back off,
So, here's what I'm gonna do, I'm going to educate you the best way I know how... Through experience... Here are a few simple reminders about common decency while planning your wedding:
1. First of all, go read the vendor vent from the fussy florist. It'll teach you that we are all fighting a battle, and no matter how much time and money goes into your planning, many of us go well beyond the call of duty to make sure you're happy.
2. Be nice. Even if it's through clenched teeth. Be fucking nice. To everybody involved in your wedding planning. Enough of the entitled bullshit.
Bridey, so I know that you are the one getting married, and you are the one spending a ton of money on your big day, and that you are in charge of the building the perfect bridal party, but let's get one thing straight, okay? Don't be a bitch to the women you are asking to stand at the altar with you. Period. I am getting so tired of witnessing or hearing about bitch-ass brideys behaving like total diva assholes to the women they supposedly love enough to have them share such a personal experience with... So STOP IT.
Yes I am being hard on you, but most of you deserve it. Sorry, but you do. However, because I care about your well being, and in order to help you to avoid creating drama surrounding your wedding day, I have decided to give you five rules to follow to keep you from fucking up your relationships with your maids (possibly forever).
1. Don't even think about asking one, or some of the girls to lose weight before your wedding. Not only are you going to hurt their feelings, but it's just rude. Accept them for who they are and what they look like, but please don't ask them to make such a personal sacrifice for you. If they haven't done it for themselves already, then odds are they are not going to do it for you (although they may try unsuccessfully), and then you've opened up a whole other can of worms. And trust me, your friendship will never be the same. I promise.
**STORY SUBMITTED BY GISELLE F.**
It doesn't get more real than this real wedding! A giant THANK YOU to Pattie for submitting her story and pictures of the how her wedding day really went down. Get comfy brideys, this is a juicy one!
Bridey, how did you meet your spouse?
Jeremy and I met in 2004 at Clemson University. Our roommates were dating and decided that we should meet! So we did! The rest is history!
A quick and dirty story submitted by the "B-Team" Bridesmaid:
My friend is getting married next summer. She and her fiancé are each going to have two attendants. I'm not one of the two she asked, and I'm perfectly fine with that. Attending a wedding is more fun as a guest! But then this weekend she tells me "Emily might not be able to make it to the wedding, so you might have to do it."
Story Submitted by "Misery Maid"
I was very surprised when a friend asked me to be her "Co-Maid of Honor." First of all, at that point we were seeing each other maybe 3 times a year despite living in the same city, and secondly, I'd never heard of a CO-Maid of Honor. Turns out, there's a good reason for that!