bridey

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Five Basic Ways to be The Best Bride EVER!

Mind if I skip the bullshit and get right to it today? Seriously, I want to tell all of you brideys how to the be the best bride you can be, but I would like to do it without sugar coating the truth. Can I do that, please? Cool, thank you. Because lately I feel like I am working with some "newbies" (as in, newly engaged), and you girls aren't quite as well versed in your bridal manners as you could be, so here it goes...

Let's start with the basics, shall we?:

1. Manage your expectations. I've said it a million times, and I'll say it again. Bridey, don't forget to manage your expectations (and your manners) during the wedding planning process. Right now, you are eating, sleeping and definitely drinking all things wedding. It's all you can think (and talk) about, and oftentimes you find yourself super frustrated when you reach out to one of your wedding vendors and they don't get back to you fast enough. Like, ten minutes after you hit "send". Or when you're out with your girlfriends and thirty minutes go by and nobody else has said a word except you. When you finally come up for air, they are SLEEPING. Be respectful. Because, bridey, nobody cares as much as you do. So, MANAGE your expectations if you want to get through the process unscathed.

2. Quit being a bitch. To your vendors, to your fiance, to your friends, to your mother, and to the holy ghost! I know that wedding planning is like taking on a second job. And it's fucking stressful. TRUST ME, I KNOW! You're basically moonlighting, and it's a lot to take on, but get your 'tude in check. Bridey, the nicer you are, the more people want to help you through the process. Right? So, quit being a bitch.

3. Drop the holier than thou attitude. Along the same lines of "quit being a bitch", rockin' a holier than thou attitude because you're the bride is just as annoying, and you know what? NOBODY CARES! Bridey, you know how many brides there have been before you? And how many brides there are going to be after you? Getting married is nothing new. And when you treat people shit because you're the bride, yeah... It's bullshit. 

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ 5 Tips on How to Not be a Bridey Bitch

You remember in grade school or high school or wherever when one chick in your class would get the rest of you in trouble? And it was, like, totally unfair because, like, you didn't do anything wrong, but you got in trouble anyway? Well, this is one of those fucking times. All because of one chick, one bridey bitch... Well, she just ruined it for the rest of you lovely brides to be. Her entitled, cunty ways just threw me over the edge. Yup! You read that right. I just used a really bad word (one I've never used on Bitchless Bride for the record), but when there is no other way to explain it and still get my point across, I felt forced to use a word that stings a bit... Anyway, allow me to elaborate.

Here's the gist... I am not your servant. I am not your bitch. I am your experienced wedding planner who you hired to get shit done. I'm somebody who knows people to get shit done. I'm not some little "yes" girl. Seriously, sometimes I wish you brideys would treat me like an attorney instead of a wedding planner who's expected to smile every time you make a decision all by your little self. If I were an attorney, you'd give me the facts, tell me your thoughts and LISTEN to my PROFESSIONAL opinion based on my experience. But, because I am in the "bend over and take it industry", sorry, the service industry, I'm forced to smile through my gritted teeth. 

So, let's get to it... Back to the Basics ~ 5 Tips on How to Not be a Bridey Bitch:

1. Fucking... be nice.

Either Listen to Your Heart or Listen to Your Divorce Attorney!

Okay… The Truth Hurts Tuesday is back with a bang! Seriously brideys, I am not messing around today. Here’s the bottom line… If you are being taunted by that little voice inside your head, you know, the one that is saying something like, “Run, bridey, run! WHAT am I doing, and how do I get out of this?” then perhaps you should take a step back and listen to what the voice is trying to tell you. If it ain’t right, then don’t get married. Period.

Happy Wife, Happy Life… Really?

Doesn’t the phrase “happy wife, happy life” seem a bit archaic to you? Perhaps a bit chauvinistic? It’s like this phrase single-handedly justifies a certain crop of women to behave badly. It’s like; “Uh-oh husbands… if your wife is a miserable bitch then you will be too, so you better keep her happy at all costs.” And you know what? You probably will be a miserable husband if your wife is miserable, but it’s not your fault. Well, it’s not all your fault. It’s only your fault if you enable your wife’s bad behavior, and buy into the bullshit that she’s the only one who gets to be happy in your marriage.

Pressure… Pushing down on me…

First of all, please tell me you know that the title of this post are lyrics from David Bowie & Queen’s “Under Pressure”? Well, if you don’t, then we can’t be friends… Just kidding, but definitely click on this link and educate yourself on being cooler. Not to mention a much cooler bride….

Anyway, I want to have an honest conversation with you bridey about the pressure surrounding your wedding planning. If you’re recently engaged or have been in the midst of your wedding plans for some time now, then you are probably coming to realize that there is a ton of pressure encompassing your wedding plans. And you know where the majority of the pressure comes from?

What a Year! BB's Year in Review...

What an incredibly wonderful and crazy year it's been for BB! I was just tidying up my files on my Mac, (something I should do more often) and as I was cleaning up, I started thinking about how much I have accomplished in 2012! I mean between wedding planning, Bitchless Bride and writing for OneWed and HuffPost Weddings, I am absolutely amazed at how much I have done. No wonder why I'm so fucking exhausted! All in good fun though... 

Take a peek at some of my faves of 2012:

There was Tick Tock on the Clock... Yeah, that was before anybody was really reading BB!! Too bad too... This particular post is quite educational for all of you brideys out there! 

 And one about my favorite bride... Oops!! She got lipstick on her dress before her ceremony, and laughed it off! I know, right??

The Bitchless Bride Video Rants began! Here's a link to the first one I did, and I must say that I really, really LOVE wearing that pink wig! It's like I put it on, and my magic powers (of wedding planning) come ALIVE!!

The Huffington Post ran an article I originally wrote for OneWed, "'Bridezillas' Taking Over the Wedding Industry?", about a word I made up called Bridaldemia... It's pretty juicy... Go read it...

OneWed ran BB's 5 Tips for Finding the Right Wedding Planner. I really do love that piece! 

Then BB got a little bit sexy... There were 21 comments on the Give it to Me Brideys post... All about who "did it" on their wedding night... Did you?

It got even hotter on BB when we were discussing To Boudoir or Not to Boudoir... IS There a Question?

In October, I decided that if I really wanted Bitchless Bride to evolve, then I needed to learn how to do it better; to push BB in the right direction. Because, If it Ain't Aweome, Then Why Bother? So, where is a girl to go when she wants to do it the right way? The Blogcademy of course!! And boy, did I learn a lot! After all, I'm just a wedding planner... This blogging stuff is all new to me!!

After Blogcademy, I made a few changes... And one of the biggest, most noticeable changes I made (thanks to the fabulous advice I received during my blogacation) was to be a bit more educational (still with an edge of course!)... I wanted you, bridey, to really learn from my wedding planning experience... To take away the importance of what it means to really be a BITCHLESS BRIDE. And a popular post I wrote following this epiphany was, 5 Important "Bridal Traits" I Learned From my Favorite Bride... 

That was a good one! And finally... BB started putting up Real Weddings... And I mean REAL!! Like the pictures you love, the ones you don't and the story behind the planning... The REAL story. Here are a few pics of the last Real Wedding... Wedding in a Winter Wonderland!

Phew! 2012 was a HUGE year! And that's not even the half of it! But, no matter what... I hope you learned a lot bridey, I know I certainly did!!! Thank you for reading Bitchless Bride... Your bridal health is truly important to me, even if I don't always say it in the most heartwarming way...

BB is going to start 2013 with a BANG! So, stay tuned for some BIG, GIANT, HUGE news! 

It's so BIG that I am going to take a bit of a break... So... I will see you next Wednesday with a new Real Wedding. But, never fear... You can always find me on Twitter, FB and Pinterest!

HAPPY NEW YEAR BRIDEYS!!! 

XO,

BB

Happy Bridey, Happy Wedding (Planning)

Good morning brideys… I must admit I had to take some time off this weekend. I just needed a break. So, I forced myself to go MIA on Twitter, FaceBook and even Pinterest (I know! Can you believe it?). Because sometimes I just need to completely disconnect... And all I really wanted to do this weekend is play all by myself. It’s strange; sometimes you even need a break from the things you love. Like really love, like the way I love everything about Bitchless Bride. And admittedly, there are even some days that I need a break from my reality, my marriage and basically all responsibility. That’s not to say that I go crazy, cheat on my husband or steal shit, but when I feel this way, it’s important to focus on something that it’s important to me. And this weekend it was shopping, reading, catching up with an old friend and working out.

How to Not Be a Bitch When Your Car Gets Stolen & Nobody Tells You It's Been Found

I have to share a story with you brideys, and it has nothing to do with being a better bride, or realistic tips on how to get shit done for your wedding. But, it is entertaining (to say the least), and if I don't write about it and get it off of my chest, then I might actually get really pissed off, and possibly arrested for my trash-talking mouth (shocking, I know).

Because Clown Make-Up on Your Wedding Day Isn't Cool... Follow Bitchless Beauty's Seven Make-Up Tips

**STORY SUBMITTED BY A MAKE-UP PROFESSIONAL**

I have been in touch before in my position as a bride-to-be, however today I write to you in the capacity of a make-up artist! I have had some doozies I would LOVE to share with you in the hopes that all brides-to-be can learn from these mishaps that have landed in my lap all too often! Hope you and your readers find this helpful!!

1. TRIALS ARE STILL A FULL SERVICE – AS SUCH, THEY ARE NOT FREE:

Bridey, this one is pretty simple. We are trialing a look for your wedding day, so us make-up artists (MUAs) are pulling out all the stops to ensure that not only that you look amazing, but also that we GET THE JOB. If we don’t – you STILL get a full face of make up at your trial. A full face = a full face, period. It does not matter if you’re about to walk down the aisle go get a loaf of bread before heading home. It’s still my time, and your face.

Is There Really Always Something to be Thankful for?

You know how on Sunday I wrote a post about how "There is Always Something to be Thankful for"... Well, I spoke too soon. If you saw my posts on FaceBook and on Twitter yesterday, then you know that I literally had a rude awakening on such a lovely Monday morning. I walked out to my car, coffee in hand, ready to start a busy day before hopping a plane to see my folks, and my car had been stolen. Right? So after the shock wore off, my mind started racing... "Did I drop my keys near the car? Was I targeted? Did I park it somewhere else and forget?" But, then I realized... there was no mistake. My car was gone. 

How Barbie's Evolution Relates to Your Wedding

Barbie, she's the ultimate bitch. Right? Seriously, she's got long, long legs, a rack that won't quit and her hair is always perfect. Actually, everything about her is always perfect. I bet she's even really nice too. The problem? Yeah... she's not real, and if she were human they say that because her boobs are so big, this bitch would be walking on all fours just to support her upper body. So why, ladies, do we continue to compare ourselves to a doll; something that is so completely fake and almost untouchable (without loads of "plastic" surgery)? Kinda reminds me how of often you, bridey, compare yourself and your wedding to those insanely gorgeous yet entirely exaggerated "real" weddings seen on TV.

Tips Are Appreciated, Not Expected... Unless You Tell Me I'm Getting One

I've said this a million times before... Tipping is always appreciated, not expected. If you feel as though somebody has gone above and beyond for you, a tip is a nice way of expressing your appreciation. Gifts are nice too, but let’s be honest... money says it best!

But here's the thing bridey, it's one thing not to tip. Fine. I get it. But, if you request the names and positions of the people who participated in making your day special (AHEAD OF TIME), and then don't follow through... Well, that's just bad form. And frankly, it's rude.

5 Important “Bridal Traits” I Learned from My Favorite Bride

As much as I attempt to educate you brideys with my anecdotes, crazy bitchy bride stories and a few nightmares, I think it’s only fair that I tell you a bit about one of my absolute favorite brides (like ever). Not only was she super cool, gorgeous and fun, but also really smart and trusting… of me, and the vendors we picked TOGETHER! She embraced the wedding planning process; the good the bad and the crazy, and walked around like she had a secret. Like a badass. You know that feeling… It’s like nobody can touch you, you feel almost invincible and awesome (TOTALLY the way I feel in Vegas!).

I Hate Everything About You

I really don’t know how to say this delicately. I fucking hate you. I hate everything about you. I cringe when I see your name in my inbox or on my caller ID. I hate that you cc me on every single email. I hate that you emailed somebody at 4:30 PM on Friday afternoon, and just cc’ed me on your email to them this morning asking why you haven’t heard back. I hate that you refused to use most the vendors in my network, and now I am left to clean up their mess (already) and we haven’t even reached your wedding day yet. I hate that you refuse to let me manage your expectations. To put it simply bridey, I hate you. 

Fuck You and Your Shit Attitude

I'm fucking pissed off! I feel angry. I feel defensive. I feel sad. But definitely more angry than anything else. Why do YOU get to judge me and the industry that I eat, sleep and breathe?

You see my bride keeps referring my "the industry" as "you people" with a disgusted tone; almost as she is spitting the words at me as she speaks. Whenever one of "us" doesn't respond quickly enough or she doesn't like what we have to say or the price we are offering is "outrageous", suddenly we become "those people" or "that industry".