the industry

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASHBACK*** Bridey, Five Ways Not to be a Nightmare Disguised as a Daydream

Yup, I totally just stole a line from Taylor Swift, but why come up with another awesome line when one already exists? Right? Anyway, the point is, right now, so many of you are recently engaged, and while I truly believe that you don't think you're a nightmare, inevitably, the majority of you? Yeah, you're going turn into a fucking nightmare, and totally think you're a dreamboat. The fix? Well, leave that to me. Here are five ways to avoid turning into your very own nightmare disguised as a daydream:

1. Bridey, remember that just because you are getting married doesn't mean that everyone else is. All of your friends and family? Well, they're probably in different phases of their lives, and therefore it shouldn't be surprising to you that after the allotted "honeymoon" phase of your engagement, you will lose their undivided attention. Because some friends? Well, some are jealous of what you have, some are having babies, some are getting divorced, and some just don't give a shit about your wedding! So, bridey, remember that this is yourphase, and not everyone is in it with you. 

2. Be a good listener. Those phases I just mentioned? Well, your friends and family will probably want/need some air time once you've finished talking about what's on your mind. Yes, bridey, you're newly engaged and dying to talk and obsess about every painstaking detail of your wedding day, but your friends have shit happening in their lives too. So, listen! And care! Give them the floor once in a while. Breathe. It's not about you all of the time...

3. Uh-oh... The P word! Um, I'm talking about perspective!! Yup! You're wedding is one day out of your entire life, bridey. One.fucking.day. And there's a ton of shit you'll probably have to overcome with your partner after that one day. Personally? I dealt with nearly losing my hus to pulmonary embolisms (less than a year after we were married). And then there was the whole IVF journey. What a shitshow... (Yeah, you spend all of your 20s trying NOT to get pregnant, and when you're finally ready, you can't! WTF?) And then several ups and downs thereafter... So, while I look back at my wedding day fondly, I usually find myself reflecting on the marriage, and our concrete foundation, not the day.

4. You don't know shit. You are new to this whole wedding planning bit, so quit pretending like you know everything. Do your research. And, no that doesn't mean "pin" your research, I mean really do your research, bridey. Research your wedding as if you're going to spend the equivalent of a down payment for a home on one day... Oh wait... You are! So, own it bridey! Own the shit out of your wedding! Know what you're getting yourself into. Make a point of understanding what things cost in the industry. Hire professionals to help you do so. Either way, educate yourself, and do it honestly! Act as though there was a price tag on every pin. 

5. Be fucking nice... to everyone. Because, bridey, in my world? You are a nightmare first, and then, if you're lucky, you become my daydream. And, if you're nice and genuine? Then people (inside of the industry and out) will genuinely want to help you plan your wedding. They will care about the details, they will care how you feel about the linen or food or wedding cake, and most of all, they will care about you! But, if you treat everyone like crap, then you will get crap in return. 

Got it?

Image via magic4walls

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, Don't Go Away Mad, Just Go Away!

Based on the title of this post, and this FAB photograph, you can totally tell that I'm a product of growing up in the late 80s and early 90s. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that some of you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about! I quoted a Mötley Crüe song... Just click on the link if you're curious (and be prepared for some really bad music). Anyway... I was chatting with a friend of mine and we decided that sometimes it's easier to tell the bitch to go away (now) as opposed to suffering through whatever may be in store for the future. I mean... Hopefully she won't go away mad, she'll just go away... Better now than a week before the wedding, right?

My friend went so far as to say that she'd PAY a particularly brutal client to get out of her life, and when I balked, she said something that struck a chord... "You can either buy happiness today, or pay the price for a bad decision in the future." Holy shit! Right? Good point! And in the wedding industry, paying the price for a bad decision can last for a long fucking time.

Bridey, this is not limited to vendors firing brides. If you aren't feeling the love with a vendor you've hired, then cut the cord and move on. Fire them. Trust me, the sooner the better. Life is too short and weddings are too expensive for you to be unhappy. I mean... Sometimes it's worth losing a little money to gain a lot of happiness.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ I Think I Know Why You're Such a Bitch, Bridey

I've made it no secret that I have a love/hate relationship with the wedding industry, and what it has come to represent. Lately, I feel like it has become SO gaudy, SO overdone, SO overpriced and lacks personality... Seriously, bridey, when I wrote my very first entry, "The Industry", I truly believed that we (industry peeps), your wedding vendors and professionals, were just a bunch of masochistic yes-men who perform a job which allows us to get away with our ADD, and an addiction to action and socialization. An industry which started out innocently enough has turned to shit. With all of the garbage on TV, and million dollar weddings strewn across blogs and magazines, it seems like a bride who simply wants to get married to the love of her life, will have to go broke in the process as she attempts to achieve wedding greatness. Right? I mean... Holy fuck! How'd we get here?

Well, I have an idea... As addicted as I am to Pinterest, I still love to curl up with my favorite bridal magazines and thumb through the pages. I try to picture myself as a newly engaged bride; completely ignorant as to what is about to take over my life for the next year or so. It's one of the ways I stay current, and try to adjust my perspective, which in turn helps me deal with bitchy brides. Besides shoe shopping, it's one of my very favorite girly things to do. And, the other day, as I was enjoying a latte and checking out one of my fave bridal mags... I nearly choked on my epiphany. 

Specifically, I was looking at a "must have" page or some page implying that any bride would have to be crazy to do without the pictured goodies, and I choked. Because after I whipped out my iPhone calculator I realized that if a bride were to purchase all of the "must haves" on the page, it would cost close to $40,000!!! OMG! WHAT the fuck? No wonder why brides lose their minds!! It's stressful enough to plan your wedding, but to feel like you're missing out on a "must have" every time you troll the pretty wedding blogs or wedding magazines? Totally preposterous! No wonder why you're such a bitch!! We all get bitchy when we really want something that we can't have, right? I mean... These mags are dangling the carat, actually the three carat, when you can only afford the simple carat on your hand... That would make me pretty angry too.

Listen, I'm not excusing shitty behavior, bridey. Because if you're nice to the peeps helping you plan your wedding, then you'll be treated better and perhaps land a few perks, but what I AM saying is that I understand your behavior a little more than I did with each turn of the glossy... Words of advice? Sounds trite, but stay true to yourself. Stay true to who you are as a couple. Just because you are overwhelmed (daily) with what "the perfect wedding" represents, doesn't mean you have to follow suit if it's not perfect for you! Seriously! Look at the real weddings I post on Bitchless Bride! They are all completely different, with different budgets and different qualities that are important to each bride and groom, and that is on purpose!! 

Bridey, try playing hard to get when it comes to planning your wedding. Be inspired and appreciate the blogs and the glossys, but do try to keep it all in perspective... Got it?

Image via mra marketing

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ 5 Amped Up Tips on How to Not be a Bridey Bitch...

Back in March of 2013, I wrote 5 Tips on How to Not be a Bridey Bitch. Damn, was I smart. Seriously, if all of you crazy brides read that post last year, then perhaps we wouldn't have to revisit what it means to be an awesome bride today. Because as I get deeper and deeper into wedding season, it is apparent that some of you need a refresh. And with spring wedding season right around the corner, I feel like it's my duty to educate (more like save you from yourselves) you on how to not be a bridey bitch, get more from your wedding planning, and still have friends after your wedding! So today let's revist these five tips, and perhaps maybe even learn a few more pointers on how to not be a bridey bitch!

Back to the Basics: Here we go again ~ 5 Amped Up Tips on How to Not be a Bridey Bitch:

1. Fucking... be nice. You get more sugar with honey (or however the hell that phrase goes!)... Make people WANT to help you. If you're rude, then you don't get any damn sugar. PERIOD.

I'm STILL preaching this a year and a half later. Actually, this has been my shtick from BB's inception. Bridey, the secret behind successful wedding planning? Attitude! What you put out comes back... tenfold! So, if you're nice, then the wedding world will be nice to you. 

2. Don't take advantage of the perks of the industry; our industry. What are you talking about BB? Well, a few days ago, I received a short story from a fellow vendor, and part of what she wrote  really resonated with me... She said (referring to a bride), "When you come in for a hair and make-up trial, and then get the stylist to do a complimentary trial on your mom and sister, you just might be taking a tad bit of an advantage. The service is for you, not for your entourage!!" Brideys, this shit happens ALL the time! You must stop assuming that everything is free! If your mom wants her makeup done, well, then she has to pay for it. 

This one still pisses me off. I swear, the hospitality industry is the only industry where everybody somehow thinks that everything is complimentary simply because you are getting married and are partaking in a particular service. It's not... Fuck you. Pay me.

3. Please don't assume... What is that stupid saying? Assume: Makes an ASS out of U and ME. Bridey, if you're getting married at a hotel or restaurant, don't assume that just because you stopped by or you were "in the neighborhood" that a) we can drop everything to see you because you have arrived, and b) that we need to sponsor your cocktails and appetizers in our bar. Several people do business with this establishment. If we treated all of them to freebies, most likely we'd be fired. You are no exception.

I cannot tell you how many times this happened to me at the fancy hotel where I used to plan events. My clients would just drop in, ask for me, and then basically stand there with their hand out.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ When the Event Planner Quits

Sooooo... I almost hesitated writing about this because it's not always a guarantee, but if you've chosen your venue wisely, then frankly, bridey, you need to chill the fuck out. What is "it"? Well, if you're not down with the ins and outs of "the industry", then it can be pretty shocking and upsetting for you, bridey, if the assigned event planner (at the venue where you are getting married) gives notice. Scary, huh? Well, it doesn't have to be...

Some brides have told me that when "their person" leaves, they feel, "completely let down" and now "they can't be sure of anything". I mean, a little bit dramatic, right? RIGHT! Bridey, you KNOW that the decision to leave a job is a very personal one, regardless of the industry and no matter the position. And we all know that staying in a job that you either don't love or have simply outgrown can be toxic... for everybody.

But, in this case, I really need you to step off of your bridal soapbox and recognize that "your" event planner (at the venue) is not deciding to leave YOU, they are deciding to leave the property.

Because There's Always Something to be Thankful for...

So, it's the week of Thanksgiving, and I swear that every time I turn around I see blog posts, FaceBook messages, and tweets about what people are thankful for, and why they are thankful for it. And I get it, I really do. But, as we near the actual day, I find myself getting a little bit eager to share with my readers what BB is grateful and thankful for too...

I know that I have earned a reputation for making the truth hurt, for being a tad bit bitchy and super honest, so I thought that I wouldn't go a changin' my 'tude because everybody else decided to be grateful and thankful for one day (maybe even a week) out of the year. So, I'd like to share a few painfully honest reasons why Bitchless Bride is thankful... I mean, it IS Thanksgiving after all... Mind if I share?

Addicted to "Yes"

My name is Bitchless Bride, and I am an enabler. I am am addicted to "yes". I am a "make it happen" kind of girl no matter what the consequences are later. I will make it happen right now because I can, and if for some reason the task is outside the realm of my capabilities, then I will do whatever is necessary to get the job done because I am addicted to "yes".

Fuck You and Your Shit Attitude

I'm fucking pissed off! I feel angry. I feel defensive. I feel sad. But definitely more angry than anything else. Why do YOU get to judge me and the industry that I eat, sleep and breathe?

You see my bride keeps referring my "the industry" as "you people" with a disgusted tone; almost as she is spitting the words at me as she speaks. Whenever one of "us" doesn't respond quickly enough or she doesn't like what we have to say or the price we are offering is "outrageous", suddenly we become "those people" or "that industry".