Posts in Really??
Fuck You and Your Shit Attitude

I'm fucking pissed off! I feel angry. I feel defensive. I feel sad. But definitely more angry than anything else. Why do YOU get to judge me and the industry that I eat, sleep and breathe?

You see my bride keeps referring my "the industry" as "you people" with a disgusted tone; almost as she is spitting the words at me as she speaks. Whenever one of "us" doesn't respond quickly enough or she doesn't like what we have to say or the price we are offering is "outrageous", suddenly we become "those people" or "that industry".

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Because It's Not Only YOUR Day

Story submitted and written by Dazed and Confused

First, thank you and God bless you for making this site! I am feeling better just reading it.

I absolutely agree that the bride and groom should have their special day be as they wish; more than any narcissistic family members who may try to take over, the bride and groom should be in charge and not be overshadowed or railroaded. However, with that said, OMG I'm going to scream if I hear the phrase "such and such is OUR DAY" when used to justify demands and expectations of family members and in-laws who manipulate others like puppets

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The Circle Jerk Dance
Now I can officially say that I’ve seen it all… You see as a wedding planner, I have the utter joy of being present on what’s supposed to be the best day of your life. It’s truly amazing to see all of our hard work come through to fruition. Watching as the venue comes alive is absolutely incredible. But there’s one thing that I recently saw at a wedding that made me laugh and want to cry all at the same time.
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XXX - You've Been Exposed
I am going fucking crazy. Seriously, you'll probably think I am straight coo coo after this post, but I gotta do it... I have to expose the truth. I’m writing about this topic because I am so frustrated that nobody talks about what REALLY goes on behind the scenes of your wedding. And by “your wedding”, I’m talking about those chicks (and couples) who thrive on drama to point that it's questionable whether or not they are going to make it down the aisle 12 seconds before the fucking ceremony. So if I am getting naked, then so are you. I am exposing you, bridey, and your groom too.
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The B-Team Bridesmaid... Second Choice Sucker?

A quick and dirty story submitted by the "B-Team" Bridesmaid:

My friend is getting married next summer. She and her fiancé are each going to have two attendants. I'm not one of the two she asked, and I'm perfectly fine with that. Attending a wedding is more fun as a guest! But then this weekend she tells me "Emily might not be able to make it to the wedding, so you might have to do it." 

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Cast Off (kstôf, -f): One that Has Been Discarded
So, maybe I woke up on the wrong side of the bed or maybe the "passionate kiss" cocktails I was sipping on last night made for a "hot mess" this morning, but either way I am feeling bitchy. But, no matter what mood I am in, the conversation last night got me all hot and bothered as I was mulling it over while sucking down my morning shot of espresso.
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Will Your Wedding Planning End in Divorce?
Okay... too busy for the fluff today (like I ever sugar coat anything) so here it goes. I can't stand one of my brides to a point that has escalated well above my threshold. And although I am a thick-skinned, tough wedding planner, even I have my fucking limits. And sadly, I can't fire her because I am in way too deep and her wedding is way to close. 
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Fool Me Once, Shame on You; Fool Me Twice, Fuck You
So.... remember that post BB wrote as a my OWN vendor vent? You know, the one about how I got fucked over in front of my client when one of my vendors didn't show up for an appointment? Well, all of the feedback I received on BB and via my personal contacts said to give him another chance. We all agreed that because he was protecting existing business (he had to deal with an issue that would have effected the success of a wedding he had that evening, and therefore he did not make our scheduled meeting), then you HAVE to take care of the business you already have versus potential new business.
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Stay Together... Not Just Forever
I woke up incredibly annoyed this morning. I don’t really know why, but I am, so bear with me as I write what will probably turn out to be more of a rant than a post. You see, I’ve been thinking a lot… too much actually about what I do for a living and how people who are not in “the industry” ALWAYS glorify what my job is really like. People constantly say that I should write a book based on how much crazy shit I have seen and continue to see at weddings. And you know what? Instead of a book, I prefer the Bitchless Bride blog. Because with this blog (I thee wed… HA! Sorry! It was there, so I took it!) I am able to educate you brideys and still reap the cathartic benefits of writing (which I desperately need today). But at the same time, your education is IMMEDIATE and free. And here’s another educational series for you to digest as BB continues to educate you on bitch prevention, and this time it’s about staying together.
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Music and Lyrics

Music and Lyrics... What can I say? I LOVE LOVE LOVE this stupid movie! And of course I LOVE Hugh Grant, but that’s not what I want to write about. However, this movie got me thinking about song lyrics, and about how many weddings have I worked and attended where the first dance music was about divorce, breaking up or death. Right? Oops! Yeah, that’s a serious fuck up.

Hmmm… what songs are you talking about Bitchless? I’d sure like to avoid them on my big day. Well, bridey here a few popular first dance songs that could make you cry, and for all of the wrong reasons:

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Trust is NOT a Four Letter Word
I’m still in vacation mode, so this is gonna be short and not so sweet. I am pissed off and ready to FIGHT! I'm pissed because this bitch bride keeps putting my brain back in work mode while I’m supposed to be enjoying some boozy fun in the sun! But mostly I am super annoyed because I am like two shakes away from yelling, “WHY DID YOU HIRE ME IF YOU AREN’T GOING TO TRUST ME AND MY NETWORK OF VENDORS?” Seriously! What the FUCK?
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We the People... Don't Want to Attend Your Wedding
Because today is July 4th, I thought I’d keep it short and somewhat sweet. Somewhat being the key word… No matter what, I hope that you are enjoying yourselves wherever you are and whatever you are doing! There’s the sweet part. Seriously, I really hope that today is about spending time with your families, drinking some fabulous cocktails and watching some cool fireworks instead of attending somebody’s wedding. Yeah, I said it out loud. Nobody is happy about attending a wedding on ANY holiday. Period.
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Family Management 101
I kinda can’t believe that I even have to write about this, but there is a disturbing new trend in fucking wedding la la land that is really bothering me. This message is for you, bridey… Tell your family that they don’t belong at your engagement! Tell them to stop. Right now. Because it is not appropriate for them to be there the MOMENT you get engaged. Literally. The moment. ‘Cause when your man builds up the courage to ask for your hand in marriage, it should not turn into an open forum for your family to take over
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Bitchless Bride's Sex Education "Rule Book"
So, I was working with a young couple, and by young couple I mean like 22 years old young… and with a young couple comes a young crowd. And as much fun as that can be, sometimes I feel more like a fucking chaperone instead of a planner. Seriously. I’ve had to have security confiscate flasks, tell people that “no, you can’t smoke in the bathroom”, and yes you have to wear your shirt. Really? But, because I have sex on my mind (again, sorry dad!) this week, I feel like it is as much my duty as a wedding planner to not only coach the bride on sex education (like in our post yesterday), but the guests too. 
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Bitch, Aren't There Drugs for That?
I consider myself to be an amazingly good judge of character. I’m not bragging I just happen to have a gift. But, when I misjudge somebody, boy do I really fuck it up! When you check out our post for OneWed today (it'll be up shortly), you will read one of the most shockingly atrocious, yet totally juicy stories I have ever heard about some crazy, entitled bitch bride. It’s not MY story, but sadly it is quite true, and my poor friend and fellow wedding planner who had the horror of working with this bitchalicious bride, barely made it through the wedding. While the story I’m about to tell is pretty bad, I’ll let you be the judge as to which is worse...
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Cupcakes: Time to Climb Down from that Tree
Maybe it’s because I want to be alone with a pile of cupcakes at this moment (yeah… BB is nursing a gin hangover, and clearly the best remedy is something sweet and possibly even something greasy), or maybe it’s because I’m currently working with some cool-ass brides and have nothing to share with you this second, but I feel like I owe it to the world to write about cupcakes. You see, Bitchless Bride is absolutely obsessed with cupcakes and anything cake related, and when it comes time for your cake tasting, I (as your planner) always find a way to be present whether my opinion is needed or not. But here’s the thing… BB is not a fan of replacing your wedding cake for a cupcake tree.
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Work Hard, Play... Oh Wait, Work Hard
“The industry” is recovering after working the entire Memorial Day weekend. While most of you were busy barbequing, beaching, Hamptoning, and even attending a few weddings, the peeps in the wedding industry were busy tending to your every need. And man we were busy! You see, a long weekend for us means long hours, long days, and sometimes long faces. We are on our feet creating that beautiful day for you, but you know what? We fucking love it!
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Fifty Shades of... Red
He was gorgeous. Like jaw-droppingly handsome. With piercing blue eyes, dark hair and perfect teeth all I kept thinking at the tasting was how badly I wanted to crawl under the table and… NOOOOAAAA! Gross. I was going with, crawl under the table and HIDE! Get your “Fifty Shades of Grey” minds outta the gutter. Seriously. I’m not E L James (because if I was, the book woulda been written much better… just sayin’).
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Here Comes the (800 Pound) Bride
Bridey’s… you and I have talked a great deal about losing weight before your wedding, which dress is best for you and your body, and extreme weight loss via the nasogastric tube, but this story is one that will shock the shit out of you… Yesterday on the Dr. Phill show, he interviewed a bride to be who was trying to GAIN weight. Yes, you read that correctly.
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