And they're nice too... Can you believe it, bridey? Can you believe that a couple so handsome and so loving with each other (and everyone who is lucky enough to make their acquaintance) can be so nice too? I mean, holy shit... Some people just have it all, don't they? Well, good for them! Because in my experience, the peeps who have it all, usually are simply getting back what they give. And Geneva and Kellen must give a whole hell of a lot! I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to hear a statement like this in my industry, "It’s really hard to accurately describe how wonderful it is to photograph a couple that are simply SO NICE that it blows you away." This from Geneva and Kellen's photographer, Jenn of Jenn Ireland Photography.
This coupled with the extraordinary details like sparkly red shoes, a deliciously warm and almost intoxicating ambiance and the love that these two have for each other made me feel like I have been getting through to you, bridey!! It's fucking working!! Bitchless Bride works! Anyway... Enjoy the beautiful details and the beautiful couple.
Um... I need those shoes! (Suddenly, I keep chanting, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home.")Phew, we did it!! Got those FAB shoes on!Def one of my fave first looks!What a fine looking group of maids and men!Love the personalized flasks! Put them to good use boys!
I've written quite a bit about how to not be a bitch while planning your wedding, but it dawned on me that I haven't really touched on why it's so important not to be a bitch on your wedding day. Bridey, I think it's safe to say that your wedding day is filled with a tangled web of emotions; happiness, elation, excitement, fear, anxiety, etc.... All perfectly normal... And, sometimes when we're filled with that kind of emotion, it's easy to go one of two ways... Euphoria or bridaldemia, and it's up to you to choose the better of the two.
The reason I'm mentioning this? Well, after an extremely busy weekend filled with two weddings, and everything you can think of in between, I realized that my very lovely brides each took on one of the two aforementioned emotions. And, frankly, I was shocked. Both were super detailed oriented, although easy to work with during the wedding planning (they must be avid readers of BB), and both had relatively supportive families. So, what made one bride go batshit crazy on her wedding day and one continue to be her fabulous self? THAT is a good fucking question!
And while I don't have the answer, I can tell you who had a better wedding day experience. If you guessed bridey B, then you guessed right. Bridey B was relaxed and happy. She took in each and every moment of the day, totally let go of "wedding planning mode", and slipped into something much more comfortable, her wedding day. While Bridey A was argumentative with anybody who dared crossed her path. Honestly? It was strange; something I didn't see coming based on our planning experience.
So, bridey, I got to thinking about what can we do to alleviate Bridey A from presenting herself on your wedding day, and here's what I came up with:
1. Alcohol. Just kidding!! Well, sort of... I hate to admit that it was the first thing that came to mind! However, if you are careful not to get piss drunk, then there is nothing wrong with a cocktail as you are getting ready to walk down the aisle. Just be sure to nourish yourself with delicious food and plenty of water, and surround yourself with your favorite ladies!
2. Timing is everything. As a planner, I build a TON of extra time into the getting ready piece of the wedding day. I do this because inevitably there is always something (or someone) who will throw you off track, and there is nothing more stress inducing than being late. So, give yourself a lot of extra time.
3. Breathe. Seriously. What's done is done, bridey, so freaking out about the details on the day of your wedding will get you nowhere. Simply relax and breathe. Remember, that at the end of the day (quite literally), you will have gotten married to the man (or woman) you are going to spend the rest of your life with, right? How awesome is that? YAHOO! So, don't allow your anxiety and nerves to win. It will show through in your photographs, and for what? Shit that won't matter...
4. Let it go. Oh dear God. UGH! I just started singing that fucking song...
The other day, I tweeted that I've been brunching so much that I really think I am subconsciously aspiring to be a "lady who lunches". But, how could I leave all of this? (I say super sarcastically...) Leave all of you? I mean, what would my life be like without you crazy bitch brideys? The truth is, I couldn't leave planning (and know how to function). And, that fact became brutally clear to me during brunch yesterday as I was surrounded by some of my favorite peeps in the whole wide world. Actually, not the whole wide world, but in my world; "the industry". You see, all of us work in hotels or private planning and deal with the craziness of the hospitality culture, the constant need to say "yes", and the brutal hours. But, as we got to talking it became clear to me what I needed to write about today. You! And, your cray cray attitude.
Bridey, based on the anecdotes and sheer hilarity that took place during brunch, I thought I would give you a few tips on how not to be mental while planning your wedding! So, here it goes...:
10 Behavioral Characteristics to Avoid While Planning Your Wedding:
1. Entitlement: Bitch, please... I don't work for you; I am attempting to work with you. I am your vendor. I am the chick busting my ass at a fancy hotel, or country club or I'm a private event planner, photographer, DJ or or or... And all I am trying to do is help you achieve "the dream". So, knock off the bullshit, drop the entitlement, and let me do my job... Without hating you. Trust me, nothing pisses us off more than some bitch who thinks she is better than the rest of the world. You'll get more out of your vendors if you're nice. PERIOD.
2. Moodiness: Look, we're women... And, I've heard that we tend to get a bit moody when we're stressed. Right? But, as your vendor, I am not your punching bag or your Xanax. And you know what? I can be just as moody as you, bridey, but I have mastered the concept of "faking until I make it". Have you?
3. Perfectionism: I strive for perfection too (um, I'm what they call super detail oriented), bridey, but I also know when my best is good enough. And, I suggest you start learning how to do the same. It's really amazing, but you can have the "perfect" wedding day, and still have shit go wrong. Seriously, I think every single recently married bride will tell you the same thing. And, I know that with the amount of money you're spending, comes pressure for perfection, but please remember, above everything else, comes the person you are marrying...
4. Irrationalism: Do I really need to say more? Bridey, when you feel yourself starting to go off of the deep end, go for a walk, workout, get your nails done or whatever... Basically? Take a break and use the time to think things through. I promise, the craziness will pass if you give it chance. But, you gotta give a little.
5. Procrastination: Procrastination fucks us all up. Your wedding vendors, that is. Bridey, if you procrastinate, then it slows down the entire process for all of your wedding vendors. It's a total domino effect, and it all starts with you. For instance, if you need to make a decision regarding your floral arrangements, do it. Now. If not, you may not get what you want on your wedding day. And, then you put your florist in the position to rush an order or feel as though she is harassing the bride. Not good. (And, not for nothing, but, if you're renting linen, a lot will depend on your arrangements, etc., hence the domino effect...)
6. Indecisiveness: Indecisiveness can be just as annoying as procrastination. It's like you're procrastinating because you're indecisive, and, that's fucking annoying.
"Your prices are outrageous!" Yeah, that's how the conversation began with this potential bride. (Told you I am losing faith in humanity.) Nice way to start, huh? She had called a day prior requesting information about wedding packages, etc., although without the willingness to share a bit about herself, her "dream" and most importantly, her budget. So, I got as much as I possibly could get out of her before she abruptly ended the call. I hesitated, but then said, "Fuck it", and emailed the wedding packages and pricing for her to review.
Which brings us back to the beginning... "Your prices are outrageous!" Yeah, this bitch called back the next fucking day to share her feelings with me. Know what? I totally should have sent her the PITA wedding packages (they're ones which incorporate the Pain In The Ass fee). No, I don't actually have those, but it sure is tempting! OMG... I can only imagine how outrageous she would have thought my pricing was if I emailed those! Again, not that I have them...
Anyway, here's the thing... Some of you may find certain wedding vendor pricing "outrageous", and that's perfectly fine. Don't use them. Choose somebody else. But, please, bridey, do us all a favor and keep your bullshit opinions to yourself! I mean... There's really no need to call back and preach your outrage. Just move on. But, keep this in mind... Most vendors who rank on the pricey side of the spectrum? Yeah, they got there because they're fucking worth it.
I want you to do me a favor, bridey. I dare you to walk into Louis Vuitton and tell the chick helping you select the "perfect" bag that LV's prices are outrageous.
They say that a picture is worth a 1000 words. And, I never really thought about what that really means, until now; until this very moment. Because I suspect that that when they came up with the phrase, they were talking about this picture. Meet Rachael and Eric, the B+G photographed above. Bridey, if I told you nothing else about them or their wedding, wouldn't you say that you kinda "get" them. That just by simply taking in the enormity of this photograph, you can get a feel for who they are and how they are together?
When Tony Gambino of Tony Gambino Photography submitted this wedding, he said, "They have the most tender and genuine love for one another - the kind that makes you want to be a better person, the kind that reminds you to tell the people you love how much you care about them." I mean... Holy shit, that's deep. And true. Bridey, there are gorgeous details captured in this wedding (just check out this insanely moving video), but I want you to walk away after viewing it, and strive to have a photograph which encapsulates you and your sig other just like this one does of Rachael & Eric.
Rachael, you're unbelievably stunning!Love this shot!Mama....Don't you just want to eat this kid??Sniff... Sniff...I love how Rachael's veil is blowing in the wind.
Clearly some of you, brideys, just don't get it. Actually, you STILL don't get it because I've been trying to teach you how to avoid this behavior since BB's inception. You just go on your entitled way, copping your bullshit attitude with the people who are trying to help you. And, it's pissing me off. But, more than that, I'm getting frustrated and annoyed. With every five clients, there is always one who makes you question why you help people in the first place; why you still play in "the industry" and why you care so much about somebody else's wedding.
Because it's the same shit, different bride. And, this time, it nearly through me over the fucking edge. Seriously, when I received her panicked message about how "her" venue had the audacity to host another party prior to her wedding, "and how could they do that?" and "there is no way there is going to be enough time for them to turn over the space to make my wedding perfect", I literally jumped up and down in frustration in my office. Nice mental picture, huh? BB, throwing a fit... And then, I became super grateful that I didn't answer the phone simply because she probably would have fired me for the tongue lashing I most likely would have spewed at her. Here's the thing, bridey. Based on her simple decor, minimal equipment and sheer number of guests, the venue could have booked twelve parties prior to her wedding, and it wouldn't have mattered.
The crazy thing? It all comes down to trust. Yup, it's a trust issue. Had this bride taken a step back and thought about the situation, she might have come to the realization that not only would I not let her down, but neither would the venue; an establishment who has been hosting events, parties and weddings for years. Because the one thing about those of us who have been around this industry for some time is that no piece of business is worth jeopardizing reputation and unleashing the wrath of a bride. Especially now with all of the outlets for public reviews (like Yelp!, etc.) and potential for a bride to chastise her vendors.
As I was laying in bed last night, my cat, Olivia, was all over me. She was headbutting my face, pawing my shoulder when I wasn't responding quickly enough for her advancements and then completely ignoring me when I was ready to give her my full attention. And then it dawned on me... My cat is just like a few of my clients! Holy shit! These brideys represent some of the best and the worst behavior of my feline. While I'm not suggesting that these girls poop in a box, I am suggesting that every interaction they have is on their terms... Meaning that you, bridey, can be a bitch, just like my 'lil furry beast! Seriously, it was a midnight fucking epiphany! For instance:
1. Cats are selfish. Right? Pretty much every single thing they do is self-serving. Some of my clients? The EXACT same way! They're selfish. Really, it's incredible how self absorbed and rude a bride can be when she feels a tiny bit ignored or if she feels as though her needs are not being met. Perhaps it more of a self preservation mechanism, but whatever it is, it can be painful.
The fix? Remember that while your needs are important, bridey, the needs of those around you count too. So, just breathe, and know that people care about you and will take care of you. Just like a cat! No need to panic!
2. Cats need immediate attention... On their terms. I've had a client get angry that I did not return her a call within an hour of receiving a message. Once I explained that I was in a meeting with a client (who was tying the knot in 48 hours), she simmered down, but... REALLY?
The fix? Bridey, you are important to me, and I promise to take care of you. Remember this when I don't respond within 60 minutes.
3. Cats ignore you. It's funny, I am about to contradict myself based on what I said in #2, but
This is an unbelievable story. Seriously. Even I can't believe it... But, bridey, listen... I have to change a few of the details or else this client will absolutely know that I am talking about her. And considering what a crazy fucking bitch she is, I wouldn't be surprised if she hunted my ass down if she accidentally stumbled across this post! Cool? Great. Here it goes...
So, from inception, this client was somewhat of a pain in the ass. Like, she knew that she needed planning assistance (and, I was the lucky planner... probably because I was the only one to call her back), but raged against the machine from the very beginning. It was like she hated that she needed help. Not only was she was late to appointments, but when she finally did arrive, she wasn't really engaged during conversation. Between that bullshit and he missing scheduled phone calls, this bitch didn't pay me until the day of the event (seriously, I almost didn't show up myself!). So, there are the CliffsNotes. Now let's get to the meat.
Fast forward to the day of the event... I was pacing until I saw her (holding my fucking check!), and when I finally did, she was her usual unemotional, bitchy self. All I kept thinking is that I couldn't wait for the event to be over. And if you've gotten to know me at all, that's not my MO. I love seeing my events come together; all the hard work coming through to fruition is the best feeling in the whole world! Anyway... So, the event is going well, somewhat anticlimactic, and then somebody took a fall and smacked their head. YIKES!
The worst part? It was a kid. Yup. A fucking kid took a digger and smacked the back of her head while getting her groove on... I had hired some fantastic entertainment, and this kid was rockin' hard on the dance floor, and then fell... OYE! So, procedure at the venue was to call 911. Yes, a bit drastic, but considering it was a kid, I really had no objection if the EMTs checked her out, but... my client? This bitch wasn't happy.
The other day, a friend of mine asked me who my dream bride would be. Huh? Of course, I immediately asked if she was serious or if she was fucking with me. She assured me that she was dead serious, and then said, "if you could design your dream bride, what would "she" be like?" Oooooooo.... This was getting interesting! Right? If nothing else, it certainly got me thinking... What DOES my dream bride look like? And, with Christmas just a few days away, and millions impending proposals and engagements on the horizon, the timing of her question seemed appropriate. Just think... If even just 90% of you, brideys, read this post right after your engagement, then my job is done! So, here it goes... Bitchless Bride's Dream Bride:
1. My dream bride would remember who she was before she got engaged! Kinda the whole point of my blog, right? Just because you're engaged, doesn't give you the right to be a bitch. Remember, what you put out there is what you'll get back. So, bridey, if you're nice to people (vendors, bridesmaids, etc.), then they will be nice to you. They will do nice things for you. They will go out of their way for you. However, if you are a total bitch, then you'll get the bare minimum from those around you. Seriously, why would your bridesmaids go out of their way for you if they are beginning to hate you? Same goes for your vendors. If you treat them like shit, why should they go above and beyond? Right? Consider this a fact.
2. My dream bride would remember WHY she wanted to get married in the first place... Um, the dude or the chick your want to spend the rest of your life with... Your sig other! PERSPECTIVE!! See the girl in the picture? She's happy! And, you should be too! You're marrying the love of your life!! (And if you're not, then that's a whole other blog post!)
Bridey, I eloped, and I know that eloping isn't for everybody, but all I could think of at the time was that I loved my hus, and we had a shitload of family dynamics that could have presented themselves at the worst possible time. But, no matter what? I wanted to be with the dude. So, even if we had stuck to the plan and had a big wedding, all I wanted was him...
3. My dream bride would treat people with respect (friends, family, vendors). Piggybacking off of number one... Don't be a bitch. Treat people with respect. It's so simple and basic (human decency), and yet oftentimes it gets lost when the wedding planning gets stressful or emotions become extreme. Just remember to breathe, bridey, and be nice. It will be well worth it!
4. My dream bride would trust me (and all of the other professionals she hired) unequivocally. She would trust that if we are working together, that I know what I am doing, and let me do it. Don't get in my way. Don't think that because your maid of honor (MOH) got married a month ago that we should listen to her (or whothefuckever). Just let me take your dream, and run with it (with established boundaries, of course)!
5. My dream bride would skip the micromanaging bullshit. Again, you have to trust me, and let me present you with the applicable details. Bridey, your vendors are not going to share the nitty gritty with you, and honestly, you don't want to know all of the behind the scenes shit that you are missing. Just back off,