Attitude

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ The Truth About Your Wedding...

We've been told throughout our entire lives that honesty is the best policy. It begins in kindergarten and morphs into something much deeper as we age. I mean, just look at Pinterest. Seriously, there are millions of quotes littered on Pinterest about honesty and truth... "Children and fools speak true," by John Lyly or "A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal," by Oscar Wilde. And, honesty really is the best policy, right? RIGHT, bridey?? Well, it should be, although in so many cases, it's not. And, 99% of the time, when it comes to our friends getting married, we sugarcoat the truth or simply lie. And, it's time to discuss WHY.

If you think about it, our lying and sincerity about being in a wedding (and sometimes even attending a wedding) is entirely widespread and universal. (Remember this video?): 

We talk about it all of the time... Just not to the person who desperately needs to hear it, the bride! I've spent over three years educating brides on how not to be a bitch while planning her wedding, and when I saw, "If Bridesmaids Were Honest", I felt justified. I felt like chicks are finally starting to talk about the bullshit behavior and expectations that weddings tend to draw out in even the most lovely bride. So, enough sugarcoating! Talk about how you feel with the bride! Tell her you can't afford the dress or the bachelorette party! Ladies, bridesmaids lose friends because of weddings, and it's not because they were fucking the groom. It's because they resent the bride. They resent her attitude, they resent her entitlement and they resent her complete obliviousness to how they are feeling.

Please learn something from this bridesmaids video. Yes, it's funny, but more than that, it's true! So, stop letting your bridey friend get away with her shit attitude, and for the love of God, tell the truth! 

Video via Kelsey Darragh, BuzzFeed

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ FLASHBACK: Either Listen to Your Heart or Listen to Your Divorce Attorney!

***Because wedding planning is hard enough... Bridey, don't go through the motions if your emotions are pulling you in the opposite direction. Seriously, if you think wedding planning is tough, then marriage is going to rock your precious little world. Take it from us, your vendors... And don't forget to read the comments.***

January 13, 2013:

Okay… The Truth Hurts Tuesday is back with a bang! Seriously brideys, I am not messing around today. Here’s the bottom line… If you are being taunted by that little voice inside your head, you know, the one that is saying something like, “Run, bridey, run! WHAT am I doing, and how do I get out of this?” then perhaps you should take a step back and listen to what the voice is trying to tell you. If it ain’t right, then don’t get married. Period. Because it’s a hell of a lot easier to call off the wedding before it takes place than to go through with it and settle for a life you don’t want. And I know it’s scary, bridey, and I know it’s embarrassing, but you know what’s much scarier than calling off a wedding? The realization that when the party is over, and all of the guests have gone home, that you just married to the wrong person.

As a wedding planner I see a lot of shit. I mean, Bitchless Bride STARTED because of the craziness I see, and have to deal with way too often. But, the worst part for me and probably for any wedding planner? Is watching the couples who are clearly not meant for each other, spending a ton of time and money making decisions about the stupid linen and flowers, when the biggest decision they should be focusing on is if they are actually right for each other. It’s painful knowing that the couple you are working with aren’t going to make it… I mean, if I can see it, then why can’t they? Or, do they and they’re just to afraid to do something about it?

Obviously, I am especially fired up today. The wedding industry is small, and the word on the street is that a couple I worked with recently is getting divorced; four months after they got married. And although we (industry peeps) all knew it was inevitable, I don’t think that any of us thought it was going to happen quite so soon. And not to sound completely selfish, but planning this wedding wasn’t particularly easy. It was a destination wedding, there were some seriously wacked family dynamics, and the bride was a super selfish, super self-important bitch. Thank goodness we all worked so hard on the details (she says sarcastically). Thank goodness all of US saw the signs, but the bride and groom missed them; or decided to miss them.

Seriously brideys, people don’t change, so don’t expect your relationships to change either. Is your soon to be mother-in-law a giant pain in the ass; always causing complications between you and your man? Then she will always get the best of you. Is your man is extremely possessive? Then he will always be extremely possessive. And you know that thing you two always fight about? Yeah, that won’t change either. It will ALWAYS make its way into your next argument.

Maybe it’s simpler than all of that. Perhaps you just aren’t positive about the man. But, one thing’s for sure, bridey, if you are already dealing with some fundamental problems or doubts, it’s not going to change and most likely it’ll probably escalate. So if it’s not something you can fix now, you will never fix it. And if sucks now, it will suck later.

The moral of the story? Listen to your heart. Listen to that voice screaming its head off inside of you. Because I promise you, bridey, you are strong enough to make the right decision no matter how much it scares you. Got it?

Do you feel stuck in a relationship you know isn't right for you? Maybe BB can help! Leave your story here!

{Image via Hercampus.com}

Real Wedding Wednesday ~ A Warm, Gorgeously Romantic, Washington Wedding

And they're nice too... Can you believe it, bridey? Can you believe that a couple so handsome and so loving with each other (and everyone who is lucky enough to make their acquaintance) can be so nice too? I mean, holy shit... Some people just have it all, don't they? Well, good for them! Because in my experience, the peeps who have it all, usually are simply getting back what they give. And Geneva and Kellen must give a whole hell of a lot! I cannot tell you how refreshing it is to hear a statement like this in my industry, "It’s really hard to accurately describe how wonderful it is to photograph a couple that are simply SO NICE that it blows you away." This from Geneva and Kellen's photographer, Jenn of Jenn Ireland Photography.

This coupled with the extraordinary details like sparkly red shoes, a deliciously warm and almost intoxicating ambiance and the love that these two have for each other made me feel like I have been getting through to you, bridey!! It's fucking working!! Bitchless Bride works! Anyway... Enjoy the beautiful details and the beautiful couple.

Um... I need those shoes! (Suddenly, I keep chanting, "There's no place like home. There's no place like home.")Phew, we did it!! Got those FAB shoes on!Def one of my fave first looks!What a fine looking group of maids and men!Love the personalized flasks! Put them to good use boys!

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Speak Up Now or Forever Hold Your Tongue

Bridey, it's time to speak up! It's time to use that big mouth of yours. It's time to put your pedicured foot down! Huh? WTF BB? Well, it's come to my attention that some of you are... meek. Yikes! OMG! Right? And, while I've done a ton of writing about how not to be a bitch while planning your wedding, I've not focused as much energy on when it's absolutely appropriate to get in touch with that inner bitch of yours and unleash! Maybe not unleash, but definitely stand up for yourself! To whom you ask?? Drumroll please... Your future, opinionated, meddling mother-in-law! Yup! I'm sorry to say that the stereotype exists for a reason, and if you don't stand up for yourself now, then you're essentially allowing her future bad behavior to win in every.single.situation for the rest of your life for as long as you both shall live. So, squash it now, bridey.

I hate to say it, but some of your future mother-in-laws (MILs) have the power to destroy marriages. True story. And if yours is "helping" you and your sig other plan your wedding or worse, paying for it, then you must stand for yourself! I'm lucky... I happen I love my MIL (and I'm not just saying that because she's a fan of BB). But, this lady? She stood back and let us do what we wanted to do, and when we eloped, she was one our few supporters... Unfortunately, she learned the hard way that awful MILs can destroy marriages; that their power is strong enough to rock the foundation of a marriage and fuck it all up. The silver lining? She learned from her own experience, and has been nothing but loving and accepting of me (and my foul mouth) and my relationship with her son. Period. Like it fucking should be!!

The reason I'm bringing this up? Well, outside of the fact that sadly, many of you are currently dealing with this shit, I've learned that if you don't start standing up for yourself as you plan your wedding, then it becomes like a fucking cancer.... And it grows and grows until it ultimately takes over your entire life. However, if you catch it early, then you have a better chance of surviving, and your quality of life improves drastically.

Look, I don't care who's paying for the wedding, bridey, or how much it costs. What I care about is you and your sig other. And if your wedding day is going to mean anything at all or symbolize your glowing future with your hus, then make sure it's actually about the two of you and not your MIL. How? Start small, and fight the fights only worth fighting. Fight loudly enough so that your needs are getting met, but not loudly enough to bring down the precious foundation. Some of you may actually have to unleash depending on the severity of the situation, but do so only if it's a last resort. Because, as I mentioned, this "cancer" does not go away... It gets worse. 

Got it? Good luck, and Godspeed!

Image via Maestrano Blog

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ A Heartfelt Confession from Your Overly Dedicated Wedding Planner

Perspective. There's that fucking word again. Ugh. Perspective. Sometimes even I hate that word because it really does shake the bullshit out of a situation and forces you to see the truth. And, as we all know, the truth really does hurt sometimes. Without giving too much away about myself, recently I went through somewhat of a difficult time, and although the dust has settled, I had the opportunity to reevaluate what's important in my life, and also, what's important your life too, bridey. Because as I was trying to get through my "situation", there was this one bride (who was aware of what I was up against), didn't care and nearly made me throw in the towel, quit wedding planning and search for what's next.

The most fucked up part of the story? This chick was done. Finito! She was married! She had her wedding, came back from her honeymoon and was "checking in" with me. Lovely, right? Well... No. It should have been, but it wasn't. And the crazy thing, is that her wedding day kicked ass. Every detail was executed perfectly, the family dynamics we were concerned about did not present themselves, and she (and her sig other) were quite thrilled with how the day went. So, why was she torturing me? What the fuck did she want? Well, the venue misplaced a few items. SMALL items. Easily replaceable items. And of course, she wanted me to go hunting and fight the fight. 

Really? You want ME to call the venue for you, and have them search for the cake knife and remaining ceremony programs (even though you have an extra box of them at your house)? Really? Bridey, you KNOW that I am in the middle of a personal crisis, and yet, you want me to follow up with the venue? WOW. Listen, I get that I orchestrated your event, handled all of the details and held your hand before sending you down the aisle. But, today, please... Either hold my fucking hand or call the chick at the venue yourself. It's not like you need me to get you thousands of dollars back for a shitty experience. You're asking me to care about a fucking cake knife, that you received as a gift... I mean... It's not a family heirloom, it's a gift from your registry. Deal with it... YOURSELF!

It was all I could do not to lose my shit and say exactly what I was thinking without exercising self control and filtering the bitch out of my voice. But, I did. And it was hard. Because, bridey, I hate to say it, but half of you will end up in divorce court, and you'll want to use that fucking cake knife to stab your sig other in the balls. And the other half of you? Well, you'll have your fair share of shit to deal with too. Real shit. Life or death shit. And that cake knife? You think you will still care about that stupid fucking cake knife? No, you won't. You will care about each other. You'll fight for each other. You'll fight the fights that are worth fighting for. You'll sleep on a chair next to hospital bed, and pray. Or maybe you'll sleep in a hospital bed, and pray for a brighter future. You'll learn that anything can happen at any moment, so appreciate what you have TODAY. Right? Kinda puts things into perspective, doesn't it?

Bridey, your wedding day is nothing more than a symbol of what's to come. I've thrown extravagant, over the top weddings, and I've thrown super simple weddings... And the ones I love the most? The weddings that represent the couple. The weddings that are heartfelt and see beyond the bullshit of "the day". These B+Gs get that their wedding day is only the first step towards whatever future they make of it together. Right?? So, now do you understand how little I care about that fucking cake knife? Can you see why that phone call had me thinking about what else I could possibly do with my life that didn't involve taking care of anybody else besides the people I love and myself?

Bridey, please... Let my confession be food for thought when you find yourself stressing over the stupid shit. In the end? It really doesn't matter. All that matters are the two of you...

Image via EngravingShop.com

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FOLLOW UP POST*** - A Sometimes Sweet, Sometimes Snide Jekyll and Hyde Bride

Bridey, have you found yourself curious as to how the Jekyll and Hyde bride I told you about in December made out? Has she gotten married? Did I fire her? How was her wedding day? You know, the bride who was SUPER sweet and awesome one second, and then a crazy bitch the next? Well, if you weren't you curious, then you should be because it's juicy. It's meaty. It's dirty. Actually, it's fucking nasty. And, the reason why I'm sharing it with you is so you can learn how NOT to behave if you have issues (or imaginary issues) on your wedding day. Because, bridey, how you handle yourself post-wedding is just as important as you you handle yourself during your wedding planning, particularly if you're looking for compensation.

Unfortunately (for all of us), this bridey bitch was not in a state of euphoria on her wedding day. Quite the contrary... She was emulating Mr. Hyde with her bitchy, self-important bullshit attitude. So, needless to say that her wedding day didn't end well for anybody; vendors and bride alike. Frankly? It was a shitshow (TOTALLY wished I fired her in December!), and the only one to blame is the bride herself. She single-handedly ruined her wedding day with her crazy 'zilla behavior and demeanor. The worst part is that after all of the hard work that went into planning the specifics for "her day", this bridey will have a skewed perception of how her wedding day actually went down. Because the way I see it, there is nothing I'd have done differently. And, I'm not being defensive (let's just say, I'm not the one who took the brunt of the crazy), just honest.

Which leads us to today. She is looking to be compensated for her "losses" (still trying to figure out exactly what those losses are!), and if she doesn't get her way, she is threatening scathing reviews "all over social media oulets". Come the fuck on! Right? Instead of having a conversation, she's hiding behind email, and threatening everybody in her path! WHAT the fuck? SHE is exactly why I wrote "What if Your Wedding Vendors Reviewed You, Bridey"...

It's not in my nature, but I am dying to "leak" her three page email (somewhere where her employer will hopefully see it) listing how she was "wronged" on her wedding day. Does she really think that threats and her loony antics will get her what she wants? I doubt it. In fact, I think it will have an adverse effect... Or at least, I hope it does. 

Bridey, there you have it... I will write a follow up post, to my follow up post, as the bullshit progresses. Godspeed (for all of us).

Image via Bernie Siegel, M.D.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Sentiment or Selfish?

I am going to hell for this one, bridey. But, not because I’m trying to be a complete asshole… I’m simply trying to defend you and your bridal integrity. Although, I know that no matter how I word this, it’s going to come out in a way that sounds shitty. So fuck it… Here it goes! The other day, I happen to catch one of the more popular wedding dress shows and even though I really wasn’t in the mood to “say yes”; I succumbed to the pressure of the challenge (of finding the right dress), and couldn’t stop watching. And, you know what? I actually learned something. No, really! I did! I learned not to take your whole fucking family wedding dress shopping with you, particularly your ailing, super opinionated grandma. See what I mean? I sound like such a jerk, but the truth hurts, doesn't it?

Anyway… I honestly felt badly for the bride. She was quite young (23 I think), impressionable, and sweet. The problem? She and her grandma had completely different views as to what her wedding gown should be, and nana, squashed just about every dress this girl loved. Wow. Brutal. Look, I am all for respecting your elders, but at what point does that respect start turning into a dictatorship? I mean… This lovely bride moved up her wedding date in an attempt to ensure that nana was going to make it to the wedding, and instead of appreciating the sentiment, nana was on a mission to get her granddaughter to wear the kind of dress that she wanted her to wear versus what the bride (um, the one walking down the aisle) wanted to wear. 

I don’t care how old you are, or what role you hold in the family, pulling shit like that? That’s not sentiment it’s selfish. And it doesn’t matter whether we’re talking about the wedding dress or some other wedding related issue, bridey, you must be strong enough to filter out the bullshit. Filter out the noise. Squash that shit. Tune out the constant stream of opinions. Or else your wedding starts to become about everybody else and not about you making choices that celebrate your life with your future sig other. It becomes about pleasing those who are impossible to please. So tread lightly, but politely tell them to “fuck off”.

Right? So forgive me if I think nana was out of line. At that point, you’d think that perhaps her dying wish would have been to make sure her granddaughter was happy (even if she hated the dress) instead of making the poor girl work so damn hard to find a happy medium. So, am I an asshole for calling a spade a spade simply because of who was calling the shots? Or can we move forward, woman up and stand up for what is important to us without feeling bad about our choices??

Image via The Wedding Specialists

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ What if Your Wedding Vendors Reviewed You, Bridey?

I had the opportunity to work with a truly amazing bride this weekend. She was friendly, organized and considerate of every single person who had a hand in the wedding planning. Totally Bitchless. And as I was placing the final touches at the venue, and bullshitting with the DJ, both of us said how great it was working with her because as we both know, it could go either way. And after a few traded horror stories about crazy, bitchy brides of the past, he said, "Wouldn't it be great if we could review them?" I stopped in my tracks... Holy fucking shit. It would be great if we could review our brides. It might even be life changing, for vendors and brides alike. How?

Well, think about it, bridey... If there was an outlet, similar to Yelp, WeddingWire, etc. where following your wedding, your vendors could write a review about you and your behavior/attitude while planning, would that impact how you conducted yourself? Wait! Before you answer the question, allow me to keep going for a bit... What if this outlet was powerful enough to alter the course of your professional life? Similar to the way a negative review can wreak havoc on our business, a negative review could potentially ruin a fantastic job opportunity for you, bridey (like it does for us), get you fired (as it can for us), and completely soil your reputation as you know it.

Imagine if a potential (or even your current) employer "Googled" you, and could read about how you treated your wedding vendors without hearing "your side of the story". Scary, right? Pretty fucked up? Yes! Because in their eyes? These reviews reveal a lot about how you behave under pressure, and how you treat people in the process... Bridey, if you were a raving lunatic or even had one looney moment, you'd probably have some explaining to do or maybe you'd miss a chance to land the next big career move; pretty damaging for some of you. Right?

Now, bridey, answer the question... If there was a site for vendors to review brides in the same way you very publicly review us, would that change your behavior during wedding planning? Would it change how you treat people knowing that your behavior and conduct could leave a lasting impression not only on your vendors, but on your career too?

Image via Box University Blog

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ I Think I Know Why You're Such a Bitch, Bridey

I've made it no secret that I have a love/hate relationship with the wedding industry, and what it has come to represent. Lately, I feel like it has become SO gaudy, SO overdone, SO overpriced and lacks personality... Seriously, bridey, when I wrote my very first entry, "The Industry", I truly believed that we (industry peeps), your wedding vendors and professionals, were just a bunch of masochistic yes-men who perform a job which allows us to get away with our ADD, and an addiction to action and socialization. An industry which started out innocently enough has turned to shit. With all of the garbage on TV, and million dollar weddings strewn across blogs and magazines, it seems like a bride who simply wants to get married to the love of her life, will have to go broke in the process as she attempts to achieve wedding greatness. Right? I mean... Holy fuck! How'd we get here?

Well, I have an idea... As addicted as I am to Pinterest, I still love to curl up with my favorite bridal magazines and thumb through the pages. I try to picture myself as a newly engaged bride; completely ignorant as to what is about to take over my life for the next year or so. It's one of the ways I stay current, and try to adjust my perspective, which in turn helps me deal with bitchy brides. Besides shoe shopping, it's one of my very favorite girly things to do. And, the other day, as I was enjoying a latte and checking out one of my fave bridal mags... I nearly choked on my epiphany. 

Specifically, I was looking at a "must have" page or some page implying that any bride would have to be crazy to do without the pictured goodies, and I choked. Because after I whipped out my iPhone calculator I realized that if a bride were to purchase all of the "must haves" on the page, it would cost close to $40,000!!! OMG! WHAT the fuck? No wonder why brides lose their minds!! It's stressful enough to plan your wedding, but to feel like you're missing out on a "must have" every time you troll the pretty wedding blogs or wedding magazines? Totally preposterous! No wonder why you're such a bitch!! We all get bitchy when we really want something that we can't have, right? I mean... These mags are dangling the carat, actually the three carat, when you can only afford the simple carat on your hand... That would make me pretty angry too.

Listen, I'm not excusing shitty behavior, bridey. Because if you're nice to the peeps helping you plan your wedding, then you'll be treated better and perhaps land a few perks, but what I AM saying is that I understand your behavior a little more than I did with each turn of the glossy... Words of advice? Sounds trite, but stay true to yourself. Stay true to who you are as a couple. Just because you are overwhelmed (daily) with what "the perfect wedding" represents, doesn't mean you have to follow suit if it's not perfect for you! Seriously! Look at the real weddings I post on Bitchless Bride! They are all completely different, with different budgets and different qualities that are important to each bride and groom, and that is on purpose!! 

Bridey, try playing hard to get when it comes to planning your wedding. Be inspired and appreciate the blogs and the glossys, but do try to keep it all in perspective... Got it?

Image via mra marketing

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Don't be a Bitch on Your Wedding Day! 6 Tips to Get Rid of the Bridey Bitch!

I've written quite a bit about how to not be a bitch while planning your wedding, but it dawned on me that I haven't really touched on why it's so important not to be a bitch on your wedding day. Bridey, I think it's safe to say that your wedding day is filled with a tangled web of emotions; happiness, elation, excitement, fear, anxiety, etc.... All perfectly normal... And, sometimes when we're filled with that kind of emotion, it's easy to go one of two ways... Euphoria or bridaldemia, and it's up to you to choose the better of the two.

The reason I'm mentioning this? Well, after an extremely busy weekend filled with two weddings, and everything you can think of in between, I realized that my very lovely brides each took on one of the two aforementioned emotions. And, frankly, I was shocked. Both were super detailed oriented, although easy to work with during the wedding planning (they must be avid readers of BB), and both had relatively supportive families. So, what made one bride go batshit crazy on her wedding day and one continue to be her fabulous self? THAT is a good fucking question!

And while I don't have the answer, I can tell you who had a better wedding day experience. If you guessed bridey B, then you guessed right. Bridey B was relaxed and happy. She took in each and every moment of the day, totally let go of "wedding planning mode", and slipped into something much more comfortable, her wedding day. While Bridey A was argumentative with anybody who dared crossed her path. Honestly? It was strange; something I didn't see coming based on our planning experience.

So, bridey, I got to thinking about what can we do to alleviate Bridey A from presenting herself on your wedding day, and here's what I came up with: 

1. Alcohol. Just kidding!! Well, sort of... I hate to admit that it was the first thing that came to mind! However, if you are careful not to get piss drunk, then there is nothing wrong with a cocktail as you are getting ready to walk down the aisle. Just be sure to nourish yourself with delicious food and plenty of water, and surround yourself with your favorite ladies!

2. Timing is everything. As a planner, I build a TON of extra time into the getting ready piece of the wedding day. I do this because inevitably there is always something (or someone) who will throw you off track, and there is nothing more stress inducing than being late. So, give yourself a lot of extra time.

3. Breathe. Seriously. What's done is done, bridey, so freaking out about the details on the day of your wedding will get you nowhere. Simply relax and breathe. Remember, that at the end of the day (quite literally), you will have gotten married to the man (or woman) you are going to spend the rest of your life with, right? How awesome is that? YAHOO! So, don't allow your anxiety and nerves to win. It will show through in your photographs, and for what? Shit that won't matter...

4. Let it go. Oh dear God. UGH! I just started singing that fucking song...

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, Don't be Mental... 10 Behavioral Characteristics to Avoid While Planning Your Wedding

The other day, I tweeted that I've been brunching so much that I really think I am subconsciously aspiring to be a "lady who lunches". But, how could I leave all of this? (I say super sarcastically...) Leave all of you? I mean, what would my life be like without you crazy bitch brideys? The truth is, I couldn't leave planning (and know how to function). And, that fact became brutally clear to me during brunch yesterday as I was surrounded by some of my favorite peeps in the whole wide world. Actually, not the whole wide world, but in my world; "the industry". You see, all of us work in hotels or private planning and deal with the craziness of the hospitality culture, the constant need to say "yes", and the brutal hours. But, as we got to talking it became clear to me what I needed to write about today. You! And, your cray cray attitude.

Bridey, based on the anecdotes and sheer hilarity that took place during brunch, I thought I would give you a few tips on how not to be mental while planning your wedding! So, here it goes...:

10 Behavioral Characteristics to Avoid While Planning Your Wedding:

1. Entitlement: Bitch, please... I don't work for you; I am attempting to work with you. I am your vendor. I am the chick busting my ass at a fancy hotel, or country club or I'm a private event planner, photographer, DJ or or or... And all I am trying to do is help you achieve "the dream". So, knock off the bullshit, drop the entitlement, and let me do my job... Without hating you. Trust me, nothing pisses us off more than some bitch who thinks she is better than the rest of the world. You'll get more out of your vendors if you're nice. PERIOD.

2. Moodiness: Look, we're women... And, I've heard that we tend to get a bit moody when we're stressed. Right? But, as your vendor, I am not your punching bag or your Xanax. And you know what? I can be just as moody as you, bridey, but I have mastered the concept of "faking until I make it". Have you?

3. Perfectionism: I strive for perfection too (um, I'm what they call super detail oriented), bridey, but I also know when my best is good enough. And, I suggest you start learning how to do the same. It's really amazing, but you can have the "perfect" wedding day, and still have shit go wrong. Seriously, I think every single recently married bride will tell you the same thing. And, I know that with the amount of money you're spending, comes pressure for perfection, but please remember, above everything else, comes the person you are marrying...

4. Irrationalism: Do I really need to say more? Bridey, when you feel yourself starting to go off of the deep end, go for a walk, workout, get your nails done or whatever... Basically? Take a break and use the time to think things through. I promise, the craziness will pass if you give it chance. But, you gotta give a little.

5. Procrastination: Procrastination fucks us all up. Your wedding vendors, that is. Bridey, if you procrastinate, then it slows down the entire process for all of your wedding vendors. It's a total domino effect, and it all starts with you. For instance, if you need to make a decision regarding your floral arrangements, do it. Now. If not, you may not get what you want on your wedding day. And, then you put your florist in the position to rush an order or feel as though she is harassing the bride. Not good. (And, not for nothing, but, if you're renting linen, a lot will depend on your arrangements, etc., hence the domino effect...)

6. Indecisiveness: Indecisiveness can be just as annoying as procrastination. It's like you're procrastinating because you're indecisive, and, that's fucking annoying.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bitchless Bride's PSA #2... Be Pleasant While You Plan

In October of 2013, I wrote a post called Bitchless Bride's PSA. It was all about how we as a society (both in "the industry" and outside of it) tend to let the assholes win. It's like, whoever makes the most noise gets the prize simply so that we can shut them up. And while, it still pisses me off that we are so quick to bend over for the dickhead who threatens the precious equilibrium, the other part of my PSA was to give more love and attention to those clients who actually deserve it. The clients who are lovely and respectful, but just need some help with the logistics or design of their wedding. So, today, I thought I would dive into who those people are, rather than focus on the assholes.

Over the last few weeks, I have been lucky enough to have had lunch with a few fellow wedding planners, and as the conversation flowed (as it always does when you put two chatty women together), it came down to rooting for the underdog. Huh? The underdog? Yes!! The underdog, the nice bride (clearly, a bride who reads BB!). The chick who has kept the same persona since the day she hired us. The girl who sometimes starts her emails with, "I'm so sorry to be high maintenance, but...", although she is not high maintenance at all, or the one who feels badly about potentially being needy, but who isn't. Those girls!! "We" as planners, totally root for you! You are the ones we want to bend over backwards to help! You renew our love for what we do, and in a world of assholes, you have no idea how powerful your niceness is!

I have been preaching this for years, bridey. YEARS! And, with each chatty conversation I have with my peers, it's so clear to me that I have been on to something. BE FUCKING NICE! I mean... It's something we all learned in kindergarten and seem to have forgotten as we have aged. Bridey, you will get so much more out of your wedding vendors (and people in general) if you're pleasant while you plan. And you know what? This is universal. Everybody I know feels the same fucking way. 

Around the time I wrote Bitchless Bride's PSA, I had been re-reading a few posts from October 2012, and seriously felt sick. Because in 2012, I was absolutely writhing from the grips of a terrible client I had worked with for over 16 months. She was a fucking beast, and I should have fired her, but I was in way too deep... And, we (wedding planners), have all had one of those clients. The ones we totally bend over for, simply so that she will shut the fuck up, and go away for a bit. After the wedding, I was definitely questioning why I plan weddings for bitches who don't appreciate the hard work that goes into each event (hence why it is so important for the good ones to renew our love for our profession), and I vowed that I will never get in that deep again; that I would fire the next bitch who made me feel as though I am anything but her equal.

Every single wedding planner I know has a story like mine, bridey. And it baffles me. Because, it's so much easier to get what you want (and even get a few things comped) simply by being pleasant while you plan... Got it?

Image via vivanspace

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Hey Bridey! Keep Your Bullshit Opinions to Yourself!

"Your prices are outrageous!" Yeah, that's how the conversation began with this potential bride. (Told you I am losing faith in humanity.) Nice way to start, huh? She had called a day prior requesting information about wedding packages, etc., although without the willingness to share a bit about herself, her "dream" and most importantly, her budget. So, I got as much as I possibly could get out of her before she abruptly ended the call. I hesitated, but then said, "Fuck it", and emailed the wedding packages and pricing for her to review.

Which brings us back to the beginning... "Your prices are outrageous!" Yeah, this bitch called back the next fucking day to share her feelings with me. Know what? I totally should have sent her the PITA wedding packages (they're ones which incorporate the Pain In The Ass fee). No, I don't actually have those, but it sure is tempting! OMG... I can only imagine how outrageous she would have thought my pricing was if I emailed those! Again, not that I have them...

Anyway, here's the thing... Some of you may find certain wedding vendor pricing "outrageous", and that's perfectly fine. Don't use them. Choose somebody else. But, please, bridey, do us all a favor and keep your bullshit opinions to yourself! I mean... There's really no need to call back and preach your outrage. Just move on. But, keep this in mind... Most vendors who rank on the pricey side of the spectrum? Yeah, they got there because they're fucking worth it.

I want you to do me a favor, bridey. I dare you to walk into Louis Vuitton and tell the chick helping you select the "perfect" bag that LV's prices are outrageous.

Fantasy Friday ~ A Picture is Worth 1000 Words

They say that a picture is worth a 1000 words. And, I never really thought about what that really means, until now; until this very moment. Because I suspect that that when they came up with the phrase, they were talking about this picture. Meet Rachael and Eric, the B+G photographed above. Bridey, if I told you nothing else about them or their wedding, wouldn't you say that you kinda "get" them. That just by simply taking in the enormity of this photograph, you can get a feel for who they are and how they are together? 

When Tony Gambino of Tony Gambino Photography submitted this wedding, he said, "They have the most tender and genuine love for one another - the kind that makes you want to be a better person, the kind that reminds you to tell the people you love how much you care about them." I mean... Holy shit, that's deep. And true. Bridey, there are gorgeous details captured in this wedding (just check out this insanely moving video), but I want you to walk away after viewing it, and strive to have a photograph which encapsulates you and your sig other just like this one does of Rachael & Eric. 

Rachael, you're unbelievably stunning!Love this shot!Mama....Don't you just want to eat this kid??Sniff... Sniff...I love how Rachael's veil is blowing in the wind.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Same Shit, Different Bride

Clearly some of you, brideys, just don't get it. Actually, you STILL don't get it because I've been trying to teach you how to avoid this behavior since BB's inception. You just go on your entitled way, copping your bullshit attitude with the people who are trying to help you. And, it's pissing me off. But, more than that, I'm getting frustrated and annoyed. With every five clients, there is always one who makes you question why you help people in the first place; why you still play in "the industry" and why you care so much about somebody else's wedding.

Because it's the same shit, different bride. And, this time, it nearly through me over the fucking edge. Seriously, when I received her panicked message about how "her" venue had the audacity to host another party prior to her wedding, "and how could they do that?" and "there is no way there is going to be enough time for them to turn over the space to make my wedding perfect", I literally jumped up and down in frustration in my office. Nice mental picture, huh? BB, throwing a fit... And then, I became super grateful that I didn't answer the phone simply because she probably would have fired me for the tongue lashing I most likely would have spewed at her. Here's the thing, bridey. Based on her simple decor, minimal equipment and sheer number of guests, the venue could have booked twelve parties prior to her wedding, and it wouldn't have mattered. 

The crazy thing? It all comes down to trust. Yup, it's a trust issue. Had this bride taken a step back and thought about the situation, she might have come to the realization that not only would I not let her down, but neither would the venue; an establishment who has been hosting events, parties and weddings for years. Because the one thing about those of us who have been around this industry for some time is that no piece of business is worth jeopardizing reputation and unleashing the wrath of a bride. Especially now with all of the outlets for public reviews (like Yelp!, etc.) and potential for a bride to chastise her vendors.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Enough is Enough! Quit Texting Me, Bridey...

So, I took a brief hiatus from Bitchless Bride because I seriously thought I was going to lose my fucking mind if I had to deal with one.more.thing. I mean, I absolutely LOVE BB, but I just couldn't get my shit together enough to put anything (well, of quality) on my site. Know what I mean, bridey? Sometimes it all adds up, and you just HAVE to let something go. So, that's exactly what I did. I put BB on hold for a week to regroup. And in retrospect, perhaps the tip of the iceberg for me the texting bride. Oh dear God. This one... This bridey... She really IS lovely, but without boundaries. And boundaries, my dear bridey, are important.

It started innocently enough... She said that due to the nature of her work, texting (as opposed to communicating via email/phone) was the best way for us to stay in touch. At first, I had no problem with it. She would text a few quick questions, I would text her the answers and that would be that. But, then it began to morph into an entirely different animal. She would text me at 5 AM, she would text me at 10 PM on a Sunday, she would text me knowing that I was away for a long weekend with my husband. Honestly? I couldn't tell if it was entitlement or complete ignorance. But, considering how much I adored this bride initially, I had to believe that it was pure ignorance. Right?

Right! She wasn't entitled, just ignorant! Which is actually so much better than being entitled (in my humble opinion)! Seriously, thank goodness my first impression wasn't completely skewed! Because I HATE when I misjudge somebody. Totally makes me feel like a rookie. Anyway... What was I going to do? Ignore her! Well, sort of... But, I did get in the habit of only responding to her texts during "business hours". It was the only way I could get the message across without being a bitch (though it was super tempting!), and ultimately, she caught on.

Bridey, you know it's not like me to avoid confrontation. Truly, I wasn't being a wuss and completely avoiding a necessary conversation with my text-crazed bride. I just wanted to try responding to her on my time, instead of hers, before opening a can of quite possibly some messy worms. And, you know what? It worked! No worms required.

Most importantly, what I learned from this experience (that I'm hoping you'll absorb too) is that the next time a client suggests texting as the preferred method of communication, establish boundaries, and immediately.

Image via Elite Daily

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Five Reasons You, Bridey, Can be a Bitch, Just Like My Cat

As I was laying in bed last night, my cat, Olivia, was all over me. She was headbutting my face, pawing my shoulder when I wasn't responding quickly enough for her advancements and then completely ignoring me when I was ready to give her my full attention. And then it dawned on me... My cat is just like a few of my clients! Holy shit! These brideys represent some of the best and the worst behavior of my feline. While I'm not suggesting that these girls poop in a box, I am suggesting that every interaction they have is on their terms... Meaning that you, bridey, can be a bitch, just like my 'lil furry beast! Seriously, it was a midnight fucking epiphany! For instance:

1. Cats are selfish. Right? Pretty much every single thing they do is self-serving. Some of my clients? The EXACT same way! They're selfish. Really, it's incredible how self absorbed and rude a bride can be when she feels a tiny bit ignored or if she feels as though her needs are not being met. Perhaps it more of a self preservation mechanism, but whatever it is, it can be painful.

The fix? Remember that while your needs are important, bridey, the needs of those around you count too. So, just breathe, and know that people care about you and will take care of you. Just like a cat! No need to panic!

2. Cats need immediate attention... On their terms. I've had a client get angry that I did not return her a call within an hour of receiving a message. Once I explained that I was in a meeting with a client (who was tying the knot in 48 hours), she simmered down, but... REALLY? 

The fix? Bridey, you are important to me, and I promise to take care of you. Remember this when I don't respond within 60 minutes. 

3. Cats ignore you. It's funny, I am about to contradict myself based on what I said in #2, but

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ BB is Losing Faith in Humanity

This is an unbelievable story. Seriously. Even I can't believe it... But, bridey, listen... I have to change a few of the details or else this client will absolutely know that I am talking about her. And considering what a crazy fucking bitch she is, I wouldn't be surprised if she hunted my ass down if she accidentally stumbled across this post! Cool? Great. Here it goes...

So, from inception, this client was somewhat of a pain in the ass. Like, she knew that she needed planning assistance (and, I was the lucky planner... probably because I was the only one to call her back), but raged against the machine from the very beginning. It was like she hated that she needed help. Not only was she was late to appointments, but when she finally did arrive, she wasn't really engaged during conversation. Between that bullshit and he missing scheduled phone calls, this bitch didn't pay me until the day of the event (seriously, I almost didn't show up myself!). So, there are the CliffsNotes. Now let's get to the meat.

Fast forward to the day of the event... I was pacing until I saw her (holding my fucking check!), and when I finally did, she was her usual unemotional, bitchy self. All I kept thinking is that I couldn't wait for the event to be over. And if you've gotten to know me at all, that's not my MO. I love seeing my events come together; all the hard work coming through to fruition is the best feeling in the whole world! Anyway... So, the event is going well, somewhat anticlimactic, and then somebody took a fall and smacked their head. YIKES!

The worst part? It was a kid. Yup. A fucking kid took a digger and smacked the back of her head while getting her groove on... I had hired some fantastic entertainment, and this kid was rockin' hard on the dance floor, and then fell... OYE! So, procedure at the venue was to call 911. Yes, a bit drastic, but considering it was a kid, I really had no objection if the EMTs checked her out, but... my client? This bitch wasn't happy.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Designing My Dream Bride

The other day, a friend of mine asked me who my dream bride would be. Huh? Of course, I immediately asked if she was serious or if she was fucking with me. She assured me that she was dead serious, and then said, "if you could design your dream bride, what would "she" be like?" Oooooooo.... This was getting interesting! Right? If nothing else, it certainly got me thinking... What DOES my dream bride look like? And, with Christmas just a few days away, and millions impending proposals and engagements on the horizon, the timing of her question seemed appropriate. Just think... If even just 90% of you, brideys, read this post right after your engagement, then my job is done! So, here it goes... Bitchless Bride's Dream Bride:

1. My dream bride would remember who she was before she got engaged! Kinda the whole point of my blog, right? Just because you're engaged, doesn't give you the right to be a bitch. Remember, what you put out there is what you'll get back. So, bridey, if you're nice to people (vendors, bridesmaids, etc.), then they will be nice to you. They will do nice things for you. They will go out of their way for you. However, if you are a total bitch, then you'll get the bare minimum from those around you. Seriously, why would your bridesmaids go out of their way for you if they are beginning to hate you? Same goes for your vendors. If you treat them like shit, why should they go above and beyond? Right? Consider this a fact.

2. My dream bride would remember WHY she wanted to get married in the first place... Um, the dude or the chick your want to spend the rest of your life with... Your sig other! PERSPECTIVE!! See the girl in the picture? She's happy! And, you should be too! You're marrying the love of your life!! (And if you're not, then that's a whole other blog post!)

Bridey, I eloped, and I know that eloping isn't for everybody, but all I could think of at the time was that I loved my hus, and we had a shitload of family dynamics that could have presented themselves at the worst possible time. But, no matter what? I wanted to be with the dude. So, even if we had stuck to the plan and had a big wedding, all I wanted was him...

3. My dream bride would treat people with respect (friends, family, vendors). Piggybacking off of number one... Don't be a bitch. Treat people with respect. It's so simple and basic (human decency), and yet oftentimes it gets lost when the wedding planning gets stressful or emotions become extreme. Just remember to breathe, bridey, and be nice. It will be well worth it!

4. My dream bride would trust me (and all of the other professionals she hired) unequivocally. She would trust that if we are working together, that I know what I am doing, and let me do it. Don't get in my way. Don't think that because your maid of honor (MOH) got married a month ago that we should listen to her (or whothefuckever). Just let me take your dream, and run with it (with established boundaries, of course)!

5. My dream bride would skip the micromanaging bullshit. Again, you have to trust me, and let me present you with the applicable details. Bridey, your vendors are not going to share the nitty gritty with you, and honestly, you don't want to know all of the behind the scenes shit that you are missing. Just back off,