The Truth Hurts Tuesday

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ The BEST Advice from the BEST Wedding Vendors in Boston!

Bridey, today's post is like hitting the jackpot of wedding planning. SERIOUSLY. If you are recently engaged or are in the midst of planning your wedding, stop what you're doing, and focus because you are about to be educated by the BEST in the wedding biz! I asked some of my absolute FAVORITE vendors in the Boston area to share the best piece of advice about planning a wedding, and these peeps? Well, they completely spilled the beans. I mean... There is so much wedding planning goodness in this post, that I could fucking chew it!!!

I rarely say cheesy shit like this, but this is a must read!! So, are you ready to learn? Ready to say, "Thank you, Bitchless Bride!!" Good! You're welcome! 

Wedding Planners:

When you are newly engaged, you tend to become inundated with information overload and it can be daunting to say the least.  My advice to newly-engaged couples is to forgo the route of hiring all of your vendors until you’ve secured the right, professional, experienced wedding planner. Some couples feel it’s best to hire a “day of” coordinator and do the rest themselves, only to learn how much money could have been easily saved by avoiding costly mistakes and uneducated decisions along the way. The right planner should be your guide, your educator, your confidant, your representative along the way and you need to put your trust into this person as they do this every day and truly look out for your best interests from the start. 

Paula Marrero ~ Marrero Events 

My advice to new brides: Don't panic, it's all overwhelming at first but it's important to book the top 3 first-top priorities (if you're not working with a planner) are to find your venue, photographer and band--then breathe!  I also advise brides to wait to design the space until about 6 months before the wedding... You'll be able to have a couple months thinking about ideas, pinning on Pinterest , etc... I find that so many of my clients go in with one idea and once they've relaxed and see what is out there or trending in their wedding year they change their idea of what their wedding looks like--so ultimately they get what they want instead of what they thought they wanted--big difference! 

Amy Kimball ~ Amy Kimball Events 

Invitations:

Invitations are the introduction of your wedding to your friends and family; they set the tone for the event. You can’t just get a quote as there are a lot of factors to consider such as quantity, quality, type of inserts, type of print, etc. There is a lot more involved then most people realize. So, plan accordingly.

Mara Weiner ~ Allure Invitations

Cake:

Be your own "bride" ...don't worry about what family, in-laws, friends & co-workers want for YOUR WEDDING. Follow what YOU have wanted & dreamed about. 

Paula Kirrane ~ Icing on the Cake

Entertainment:

Once your venue is booked, the next step is to lock in your entertainment. In order to get the best DJ or band out there, you have to book well in advance. Remember, first and foremost? Your guests are going to remember if they had a good  time. That’s why good entertainment is vital.

Always ask your entertainment vendor about their other recommended services. This is how you get the best deals without making a laundry list of phone calls. They may already have what you need and could save you time and money without sacrificing quality.

Mike Amado ~ Entertainment Specialists

Photographers:

Lately couples are asking me if they should do the "first look". My answer is always YES! The first reveal is always so sweet. The moment is far more emotion and allows for a more intimate/private moment with just the couple. 

Some brides envision this grand moment when they are walking down the aisle, and the groom is sobbing… However, in reality, in a traditional formal setting with 200 people looking at you… The groom often looks like a deer in head lights. Not at all the magical moment you think it will be! So yes, do a first look! 

Lauren Killian ~ Person + Killian Photography

Don’t do a winter e-session! People look freezing, and are super uncomfortable. Nothing like having dirty snow and branches coming out of everyone's heads! Wait until the spring when the temperatures are higher, and the trees start to bloom. I highly suggest April-November.

~ Anonymous Photographer

Cinematography:

1. Make sure that your photographer and videographer work well as a team. Even better, choose a team where your photographer and videographer have worked together and enjoy the experience.

2. Ask your prospective wedding film maker how they operate during the wedding day. Will they have lights on their cameras? Will they be on the dance floor circling the couple during the first dance? Will they stand behind the officiant during the ceremony - Or will they stake out spots based on experience and fade into the decor?

3. Ask your toasters to limit toasts to under 5 minutes. 3 is even better. There’s not much they can say (that won’t be dumb or embarrassing) after a couple of minutes.

4. Invite your guests to leave their phones and cameras in their pockets or purses. You’re paying for pros to document your wedding - don’t let the amateurs get in the way!

5. When considering wedding cinematography, check out the sound  as well as the images of potential pros. Capturing pristine sound of your grandfather’s blessing and knowing how to integrate it with music and image, is a complex art form. Don’t settle for pretty pictures if you already have a photographer you love. When it comes to film making, sound is 60% or more.

6. If you desperately want a top notch film maker to capture your wedding, and have a limited budget, consider one of the following:

a. Grab pics from the HD / 24 Frames per second of the video capture and forego the photographer.

b. Hire the film maker you want and see if you can work out a payment plan that works for you.

c. Opt for the best film maker you can afford, ask them to produce a short highlights now, and wait until you’ve financially recovered to have them edit the feature film.

Naomi Raiselle ~ Generations Cinemastories 

Florist:

The Best way to trim your budget is to trim you guest list (it literally makes every line item more affordable - period, the end)! (AMEN!!!!!!)

If you "absolutely love and have to have peonies" - know that you absolutely MUST select a wedding date in May or early-June!

Bring as few people to each and every appointment that you book ... the less opinions, the less stressed out you will be!

~ Anonymous Florist

And there you have it... You're welcome, bridey!!! Now, all you have to do is listen to the professionals trying to help you.

Image via The Perfect Job

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ 10 Ways Your Mom Can Ruin Your Wedding Day

A few years ago, I wrote this this piece for the Huffington Post, and the reason I'm reposting it today is that I heard a horriffic MOB story and felt an overwhelming need to post this article. Bridey, there is a ton of shit that you will have to overcome during your wedding planning and sometimes even on your wedding day... Hopefully, your mother won't be one of them.

*******

I'm not a mother of the bride (MOB) hater, but even with that disclaimer, I guarantee that this article will not make me very popular amongst you moms. Actually, I'm pretty confident that after I spill these particular beans, I'm probably going to have every MOB emailing me messages stating their disappointment (such a mom word); accusing me of crossing that line of basic respect for our parentals, but based on my experience, I feel like it is my responsibility to share these beans with all of you brides-to-be so that you actually enjoy your wedding day.

Keep in mind, bridey, the only reason I am privy to this list is because I've witnessed it. That said, if you know what to look for, then at least you can consider yourself forewarned, and not let the crazy MOB get you down.

  1. Mom notices the little things that you never would have seen in your euphoric wedding day state, and keeps telling you about them. For instance, your menu cards are not quite center, one of the bridesmaid dresses is too tight, there's a place setting missing at table 24, blah, blah blah.
  2. Mom will not stop talking shit about your dad's new girlfriend. "How could he have brought her here? I mean, on such a special day for the family."
  3. Mom is constantly telling you to reapply your lipstick, "for the sake of the photographs, honey."
  4. Your mom? She's downright hammered. Must have been because of your dad's new girlfriend. Somebody really needs to pry the Chardonnay out of her hands. 
  5. I give you brideys a lot of shit about keeping your wedding planning in perspective, and not being a crazy bitch on your wedding day. But, today? Well, today it's your mom who is the bridezilla. She's an attention whore. She's a diva. She's a total bitch, demanding attention from anybody who will listen. She's out of control.
  6. Mom keeps referring to your wedding as "her day," even at the ceremony.
  7. Mom invited several guests you didn't even want at the wedding, and is off "entertaining" them while your photographer is trying to get a few family shots.
  8. She's a control freak. She keeps telling your vendors what to do, when to do it and basically, how to do their jobs. 
  9. She is following you around reminding you not to drink too much... "You want to remember everything about your wedding day, honey. I'd hate to see you drink too much and have your memories get muddled."
  10. You totally caught her taking a fingerful of the icing on the cake, and all she said is that no one will notice. Whaaaaa??!! (True story!)

Brideys, as a straight shooter, and as somebody who always has your back, consider yourselves forewarned. The best way around a poorly behaved MOB on your wedding day? Simply ignore her bad behavior (don't feed it), enjoy your new husband and have a good time! Got it? Good! Stay Bitchless!

Image via Beauty | High50

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, Five Ways Not to be a Nightmare Disguised as a Daydream

Yup, I totally just stole a line from Taylor Swift, but why come up with another awesome line when one already exists? Right? Anyway, the point is, right now, so many of you are recently engaged (ahem... Christmas), and while I truly believe that you don't think you're a nightmare, inevitably, the majority of you? Yeah, you're going turn into a fucking nightmare, and totally think you're a dreamboat. The fix? Well, leave that to me. Here are five ways to avoid turning into your very own nightmare disguised as a daydream:

1. Bridey, remember that just because you are getting married doesn't mean that everyone else is. All of your friends and family? Well, they're probably in different phases of their lives, and therefore it shouldn't be surprising to you that after the allotted "honeymoon" phase of your engagement, you will lose their undivided attention. Because some friends? Well, some are jealous of what you have, some are having babies, some are getting divorced, and some just don't give a shit about your wedding! So, bridey, remember that this is your phase, and not everyone is in it with you. 

2. Be a good listener. Those phases I just mentioned? Well, your friends and family will probably want/need some air time once you've finished talking about what's on your mind. Yes, bridey, you're newly engaged and dying to talk and obsess about every painstaking detail of your wedding day, but your friends have shit happening in their lives too. So, listen! And care! Give them the floor once in a while. Breathe. It's not about you all of the time...

3. Uh-oh... The P word! Um, I'm talking about perspective!! Yup! You're wedding is one day out of your entire life, bridey. One.fucking.day. And there's a ton of shit you'll probably have to overcome with your partner after that one day. Personally? I dealt with nearly losing my hus to pulmonary embolisms (less than a year after we were married). And then there was the whole IVF journey. What a shitshow... (Yeah, you spend all of your 20s trying NOT to get pregnant, and when you're finally ready, you can't! WTF?) And then several ups and downs thereafter... So, while I look back at my wedding day fondly, I usually find myself reflecting on the marriage, and our concrete foundation, not the day.

4. You don't know shit. You are new to this whole wedding planning bit, so quit pretending like you know everything. Do your research. And, no that doesn't mean "pin" your research, I mean really do your research, bridey. Research your wedding as if you're going to spend the equivalent of a down payment for a home on one day... Oh wait... You are! So, own it bridey! Own the shit out of your wedding! Know what you're getting yourself into. Make a point of understanding what things cost in the industry. Hire professionals to help you do so. Either way, educate yourself, and do it honestly! Act as though there was a price tag on every pin. 

5. Be fucking nice... to everyone. Because, bridey, in my world? You are a nightmare first, and then, if you're lucky, you become my daydream. And, if you're nice and genuine? Then people (inside of the industry and out) will genuinely want to help you plan your wedding. They will care about the details, they will care how you feel about the linen or food or wedding cake, and most of all, they will care about you! But, if you treat everyone like crap, then you will get crap in return. 

Got it?

Image via magic4walls

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, Please Don't Throw an Engagement Party Only for the Presents...

Not gonna lie... This story horrified me. Like H.O.R.R.I.F.I.E.D. me. One of my esteemed colleagues in the industry told me about a bride who actually asked her to help her plan an engagement party for the sole purpose of receiving presents from her guests. I know! WHAT the fuck is that all about? I mean, I don't know this bride, but I already hate the bitch... What are we, five years old? You only want the party for the presents? Wow. Really, bridey? Talk about not respecting your guests... And, it gets worse... Just wait for it.

Well, not only did this crazy chick want to host an engagement "party" specifically for the loot, she was only looking to spend, drumroll please.... $15/per person. OMFG! REALLY? So, in case you're not clear, this bitch was going to host a "party" with minimal food, obviously a cash bar, and no entertainment so that she and her fiancé could completely take advantage of the poor people invited to this shitty little shindig. This is an all time low for me, bridey, and it wasn't even my bride! Because if it were? I'd tell her to find a new wedding planner. 

Let's do a little simple math, shall we? Let's say 75 guests attend the "party" (I can't help but use quotes simply because this is totally not a real party.) So, 75 x $15 = $1,125.00. Hey big spender... Really? So, basically, this girl is willing to waste everybody's time hosting a "party" (that, let's be honest, nobody wants to go to...) with like two passed hors d'oeuvres (if they're lucky) per person + a cash bar simply because she wants the presents. Seriously? What a bitch! Look, I don't care how much money you have to spend or not, bridey, but $15 per person is just not enough to call a party. PERIOD. And, this bride? Well, she clearly knows it! I mean... You're better off putting it towards your wedding and forgoing this lovely affair.

Bridey, if you're desperate enough to pull a stunt like this, then, for the love of God, please go about it differently. Don't punish the very people you're hoping to steal, I mean receive, gifts from. Spoil them. Or at the very least, make them believe that you're spoiling them. Open your house to them, serve them some decent food and wine, and ask a friend to create an awesome playlist to set the mood for the evening. You'll spend less money, gain more respect, and get those damn presents all without offending anybody with a cheap, shitty "party".

One question I'd be asking myself (quite seriously) if I were you, bridey, is why you're so focused on the presents? Could the need for the presents potentially be a mask for a deeper issue? Are they your reward for marrying your sig other? Is focusing on the gifts a way for both of you to receive something that you're not currently getting from each other? I know it sounds crazy, but when I hear shit like this, I have to take a hard look at the couple, and wonder what's missing? Why are they so unfulfilled? Because, the alternative? Well, it's that people really are selfish enough to throw an engagement party simply for the gifts.

Image via Huffington Post

The Truth Hurts Tuesday Why Each Day After Your Wedding Is a Gift... Perspective Is a Bitch!

***In case any of you missed my article on Huffington Post last week... Even my mother commented that this post tapped into "the deeper side" of BB. ***

I am absolutely heartbroken and angry as I read about the most current shooting in San Bernardino. Actually, more like fucking pissed off and on the verge of hysteria, and I know I'm not alone. The statistics are staggering, the loss of life, absolutely heart-wrenching. This type of shit is becoming commonplace, almost expected, and it's frightening. And, if you're like me, you squeeze your hus and your kids a little bit tighter after each of these horrific events, praying that it doesn't continue to metastasize and spread to you and your loved ones.

What does the San Bernardino shooting have to do with planning your wedding? Quite a bit, bridey. It's called perspective. And, as I have said a million times, perspective is a bitch! Perspective sucks. Perspective hurts. But, perspective is necessary. And unfortunately, it's times like these where perspective comes in, shakes us to our core and (hopefully) snaps us the fuck out of our selfish little worlds, forcing us to appreciate what we have been given. Life. Marriage. Family. Friends. Notice how I didn't say "wedding"? I said marriage. And, marriage is a whole hell of a lot more than one day. It's work, it's difficult, and it's wonderful all wrapped into one.

Bridey, contrary to what some may think, I love weddings. I love everything about planning a wedding and seeing it come through to fruition. I love what weddings represent. I love that outside of your funeral, your wedding day is probably the only time in your life that everybody you love will be under the same roof (morbid, but true). But, what I hate about weddings? Narrow-minded bullshit. Bitchy brides who completely lose sight of why they are getting married in the first place. Brides who get so wrapped up in the wedding day, that they forget about life afterward (and during)! There IS life afterward, remember?

It's disgusting that shit like a soulless, cowardly shooting forces us to take a hard look at our lives and reevaluate our priorities, but that's usually when our greatest epiphany presents itself.  And planning your wedding? Well, it should be fun and exciting, but your epiphany should be the person you are going to marry. Each day after your wedding is a gift! I mean, how cool is it that you have a partner for life? Right? It's fucking amazing! It's exhilarating! It's awesome! And, you're amazingly lucky because sadly, fourteen people died on Wednesday, and many lost their partners. Feel that? That pit in your stomach? Focus on that, not your "perfect" wedding day. Your wedding day doesn't really matter in the scheme of things, it's how you live each day after your wedding that counts.

So, bridey, the next time wedding planning feels overwhelming or things get stressful, remember the outcome. Remember that at the end of the (wedding) day, you have a partner for life. So, cherish it. Enjoy it. Hold on to it. Because the day itself represents the future, and we are all incredibly lucky to still have one.

Image via DeviantArt

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, Don't Let the Bar Bill Drive You Ballistic... Budget Accordingly!

Bridey, if you know me at all, then you know that I'm a huge fan of open bar at weddings. Don't get me wrong, I totally respect your budgetary restraints, however if you are able to provide cocktails for your guests, then do it! Because, I'm not the only one who digs a few free cocktails (okay, maybe more than a few) in exchange for my presence at your wedding. But, I must warn you, bridey... Should you decide to have an open bar, then plan your budget accordingly. And, plan big! Actually, plan HUGE! Because, an open bar will undoubtedly cost more than you think!

Why? Why will the open bar cost more than you think? Well, bridey, people in general like all things that are free. And an open bar? It's like winning the free jackpot! Right? Do you think your guests give a shit that the bar is costing you money? Nope! As long as it's not costing them money, then they are going to drink their fucking faces off! Isn't that what you do while attending a wedding with an open bar? I do! And, I totally know better, but I can't help it. It's like there is a magnetic pull to the bar that is so powerful it cannot be stopped. 

Rule of thumb? The first hour is when your guests will drink the heaviest. I would estimate anywhere between 2-3 drinks per person. Some will drink less, and some will drink more, but either way, cocktail hour? Yeah, it's all about the cocktails! And, after that? Plan on a drink an hour per person. PERIOD. So, simple math for 100 guests? 5-6 drinks per person. Depending on where you are in the country, this could cost you anywhere between $50-75 per person plus tax and gratuity. No, I am not lying or exaggerating. The numbers are staggering, which is why I am telling you this before your wedding so that you can build it into your budget. 

Because the most annoying thing ever? Fighting with the venue/caterer (after the fact) about the bar bill. Seriously. It's not the fault of the venue that your guests drank more than you anticipated. It's your fault for not planning on it in advance. I mean, I've had clients go so far as to ask each and every guest how much they drank. REALLY? Yes. True story. And, do you think their guests told them they had 8 fucking drinks, puked their guts out, and couldn't get out of bed for two days? Of course not!! They told the bride that they only had 2-3, because people are assholes and people lie. And frankly, bridey, you shouldn't be such a cheap ass and ask your guests how much they drank at your wedding.

Moral of the story? Your guests have no morals. So, if you are planning on providing an open bar for the evening, then plan on your guests living on nothing except booze (and maybe some food) for five hours. Got it? Good! Now, go budget that open bar!

Image via Amanda Douglas Events 

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ ***FLASH BACK*** There is No Better Friend Than a Sister...

I wrote this post three years ago, and to this day, it's one of my favorites! And as I frantically pack the fam up for our trip to Chicago, I can't help but remember sitting at my sister's kitchen table writing this post, super hung over, and waiting to hear back from the police. Yeah... Three years ago, my car was stolen out of my driveway... Something we discovered as we were about to leave for the airport!! But, that's a whole other story! Anyway... I can't wait to just get there and hang with my family! And, bridey, remember, your family? Well, it's the only one you got, so don't allow petty bullshit (that may or may not happen over the holidays) to ruin relationships. Got it? Good!

Thanksgiving 2012:

Happy Thanksgiving brideys!! I hope you all made it to where you're supposed to be and are enjoying some time with family and friends. But, wherever you are I hope you are happy to be there... Me? I am quite happy. Yeah, my fucking car might have been stolen (Is There Really Always Something to be Thankful for?) with no word from the police, but I still managed to make it home (Chicago), and have been enjoying myself ever since. Plus, I have an awesome Thanksgiving story to tell these days...

The best part? Hanging with my sister. She is truly my bestie, and getting some time to chill out, and even do nothing with her is fun (seriously, we both passed out in her bed while watching Homeland). But, better than doing nothing or feeling comfortable enough to fall asleep basically spooning each other? Going out for dinner with our husbands, having a few dreamy cocktails and enjoying some real time together. And I am truly grateful for it. 

After so many rushed phone calls and being too busy to really catch up, as hung over as I might be as I write this, I am so happy to be sitting at her kitchen table watching her make sweet potato soufflé. I am happy to be exactly where I am. It doesn't happen as often as I would like, so just being here, living in the moment and not planning every detail (of my life and the lives of my brides) is simply lovely.

And because she's my sister, she asked me what this post has to do with weddings and brides, and all I said is "Nothing. It has to do with you. I hope my readers like seeing the softer side of BB."

That's all I got. Happy Thanksgiving Brideys!

XO,

BB

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Monkey in the Middle... It's a Real Bitch!

Bridey, I gotta ask you a question... Who's in charge? Who's wearing the pants? And, I'm not talking about your relationship with your sig other. Not only is it none of my business, but I don't give a shit. (I mean... For the sake of womankind, I hope it's an equal partnership, but again, none of my biz.) How you manage your relationship is your business, but what is my business is managing the details of your wedding. So, when your soon-to-be MIL calls me (or the venue, or the florist, or DJ, or the band, or the caterer... you see where I'm going with this), and wants to make significant changes to items we've worked hard putting in place, I get a li'l nervous. Therefore, I need to know, who's in charge?

Yesterday, I was boozy brunching with a friend of mine (God I missed mimosas while I was pregnant!), and when I told her about Bitchless Bride, she starting sharing some crazy-ass stories with me (that's usually the reaction I get when I tell people about BB). Anyway, she told me how a friend of hers had some serious issues with her MIL as she was planning her wedding. You're gonna want to sit down, bridey... Trust me.

So, this poor woman's MIL had the audacity to call the bakery and change the flavor and design of the fucking wedding cake. OMG! What the fuck is that about? Right? And, for some of you, the cake is like Holy Grail. It's the one thing you care about the most. You've invested tons of time and energy selecting the particulars, and then this bitch makes a single call and ruins it.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, Did You Know You're My Only Client? Oh Wait...

Why don't you just lift your leg and pee on me? Huh? What the fuck are you talking about BB? Well, I'm talking about how territorial brides become once they secure their wedding vendors. Seriously, it's like they literally become bitches (in the doggie sense of the word), claim you as their possession once they pay the deposit, and piss all over you. I swear, the wedding industry is the only industry where this seems to be the case, and where vendors work super fucking hard to make brides feel like they are in fact their only client...

I mean, can you imagine if this was acceptable or the norm in any other industry? Clients becoming jealous or needy because their hairdresser has cuts hair for some other chick, or that their real estate agent shows houses to other potential buyers or their project manager manages other projects? Yeah... wouldn't happen. It needs to stop. And now. And, the more I thought about it, the more it bugged me that this is the norm, so I thought I'd try to get to the bottom of why most brides seem to hate the idea of their wedding vendors having other clients... So, here are the three big ideas I had as to the reasons behind this craziness, and some ideas as to how we can fix it. Ready?

1. Exclusivity... Or lack thereof... Bridey, your wedding vendors have other clients, and you feel as though it somehow minimizes the enormity of your day. You're not the only one getting married. Yikes! Did I hit a nerve? In fairness, we all love the idea of exclusivity, and you are no different. So, if your vendors have other clients who have hired them to do the same thing, then you are not feeling the exclusivity you want and need to feel. Am I getting warmer, bridey? Look, I get it, I really do, but at the same time, bridey, your vendors having other clients won't make your wedding day any less special. You hired them because they are fantastic, so knock off the cray cray and let go of the drama.

2. Jealousy. I think jealousy should be considered a four letter word. Right? I mean, there is nothing worse than a jealous woman (sorry, true story!), and more than that, a jealous bride (oh dear God!)! Bridey, if you're worried that the more clients a vendor has then the less they care about you, you're coo coo. But, it happens! I once had a bride tell me that she felt like I was cheating on her (openly) when I mentioned that I was off to an appointment with another bride after our meeting. REALLY? Bridey, it's amazing, but your vendors do have the capacity to love and adore all of their clients. Well, the ones worth loving and adoring. So BE one of those clients and drop the jealousy routine. It's super annoying. 

3. Entitlement. Bridey, you're spoiled. You're used to being number one all of the time, and you hate it when your vendors have the audacity to put another bride before you. Why can't they make time to talk to you everytime you call? Why can't they meet you as often as you would like? Why don't they seem as enthusiastic as you do? Well, usually it's because they are working with a client (or several clients) whose wedding is before yours. Like, well before yours. Like a fucking year before yours. When you take a step back and look at the big picture, it makes sense, right? The best part? Your time will come too... Just be patient.

So, the message here? The big secret? Bridey, you're not my only client. If I am any good, I have lots of clients. So, please, go pee somewhere else.

Image via Scientific American

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ FLASH BACK: The Bridal Party Breakup

***I was thinking about this crazy chick the other day, so I thought I would share this insane story with you again. The reason I thought about her? Well, I had a moment like, "I wonder whatever happened to whatsherface..." Know what I mean? Then I realized that I didn't give a shit.***

February 5, 2013:

It's the truth hurts Tuesday brideys! And boy do I have a story for you! The best part of this story (actually, more like the worst)? It happened to me. And looking back, I definitely should have and could have handled it better, but frankly I feel like I never should have been in this situation in the first place. Actually, that's why I am choosing to share this story with you so that if you are in a similar position as a bride-to-be, you won't do what this bride did. I mean, she completely put me on the spot and forced a reaction from me that was kind, but not truthful. Any idea where I am going with this brideys?

Here's a hint... Don't ask a very new friend (new as in you've known her for about two months) to be your MAID OF HONOR! It's a hell of an honor and a huge responsibility, so if you don't know somebody well enough, then you might not realize just how much you are asking of them. Instead of the honor that it should be, it may feel more like entrapment to your friend, and not only that, but she'll probably feel very, very uncomfortable.

Perhaps some of you are thinking, "What's wrong with asking a new friend to be in your wedding? Obviously she felt as though she had a strong enough connection with you to even ask." To which I would answer, "Yes, we definitely had a solid connection." But... "I didn't know her the way a friend should know a friend if they are accepting an invitation of such magnitude.  And, she didn't ask me to be in her wedding, she asked me to be her maid of honor!"

So... what'd you do BB?

I have to admit, this happened before I was the well seasoned professional I am now (Bridey, I may have a trashy mouth, but I am definitely a pro!). Sooooo.... I didn't handle it well. I was mortified. I said "yes" initially, and it took me a week to politely decline her maid of honor invitation, and get out of being downgraded to a bridesmaid too... Yeah... I wanted completely out of this wedding. Obviously, this was not a easy conversation to have, but I knew I would ultimately let her down in the long run, so therefore it was important for me to be up front with her before I got in even deeper. 

But, how did you do it? How'd you get out of it?

I took her out for a few cocktails, sucked down a giant martini, and laid it all out there. I know this will surprise you bridey, but I happen to be very blunt... HA! But, really I am. And if she hadn't caught me so off guard initially (at work, and right before we met up with a few girls for lunch), then I would like to think that I would have politely declined and let it go. That said I was absolutely determined to handle the bridal party breakup better than I had handled the proposal. When I told her how I felt, I was careful to explain myself without being a bitch, and to let her know that I had no intention of even being in the wedding. I would certainly be in attendance, but the responsibility of being part of the bridal party was too much, and I didn't think it would be fair to her.

Honestly, she handled it really well. Much better than I had expected, and we ended up having a pleasant evening together. Needless to say, the friendship took a hit, but I felt and still feel strongly that I made the right choice.

So, bridey... if you are in the "la-la love" stage with a new friend, awesome. Have fun and enjoy! But, let me be the one to tell you that if you are thinking about asking her to do the "honor" of being in your wedding, then use caution. I know it seems counterintuitive, but consider the impact on your newborn friendship if her reaction isn't not "yes". Got it?

What do you think? Have you ever been in a similar position? 

Image via Hand Crafted Collectibles

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ FLASH BACK: Gynecologically Speaking

***I needed a good laugh today. Soooo... I thought I would share this post from 2011 not only because it's funny, but because it's educational too. And because my mom was probably the only one reading Bitchless Bride back then, I'm assuming that most of you probably haven't seen this masterpiece. Enjoy and learn, bridey!***

December 22, 2011:

So, I’m just sayin’… I know that we don’t talk about the amount of sex that everybody has on his or her honeymoon, but we should. I know that you will be busy relaxing and reminiscing about your perfect wedding day on that beautiful tropical island you have jetted off to, but you will also be busy getting busy too. So be proactive! Make an appointment with your gynecologist before your trip, and ask him/her to give you a script for a UTI infection (that you fill prior to your trip) to take with you. There is nothing worse then being away from home, especially in a foreign country, and having an issue “down there”. Better safe than sorry!

And on that note… don’t forget to take your pills, insert your birth control, use a condom, etc. You don’t want to come back from your honeymoon with more then a tan.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ When the Bride Knows More Than Her Planner... REALLY??

I had to share this vendor vent with you, bridey. And, I had to put it front and center because I think it's safe to say that pretty much every wedding planner I know gets frustrated when the bride (or the couple) thinks she knows more than her planner. It's irritating. It's annoying. It's fucking grounds for dropping you as a client. Seriously, bridey, don't bother hiring a wedding planner if you're going to challenge her/his every move. Do it yourself. Be a DIY bride, and I'm not talking about making your own centerpieces; I'm talking about planning your own damn wedding.

Written by Mrs. Peacock:

Hello! OK, so, I love your blog. As a planner, I feel like it should be required reading for all my brides and grooms. (Ahem... Me too!!) Thanks for giving us vendors a place to commiserate.

Anyways, one of your posts - Bridey, Don't Go Away Mad, Just Go Away!, really resonated with me.

Yes. So. Many. Times. Yes.

How I wish I followed this advice and my own intuition with my last bride + groom. You know those couples who think that they know how to plan a wedding better than their planner does? They often go hand in hand with the my wedding has to look exactly like this million dollar wedding but at a tiny fraction of the price couple? And so often, throughout the planning, you know that these people are going to find reason to be upset about something, so what's the point in bending over backwards to try to make them happy? The type that treat you like you are their personal assistant that they have always wanted to have just to abuse? The ones who flat out refuse to listen to your (and all the other vendors!) skilled advice, and then when things don't go according to plan (just as you told them it would) precisely BECAUSE of their own ill advised choices, they berate you for it? Yeah, it was one of those couples.

I knew I should've walked away in the early stages but I didn't because -and here's the kicker- they were friends of mine. Friends of mine who had hidden the entitled vicious privileged brat side of them very well over the years. Friends of mine who clearly viewed the roles of Bride and Groom as tyrannical King and Queen. And yes, I've learned my lesson working with friends now. But the point is, had I just walked away from what was clearly going to be a losing situation, I could've saved myself a lot of stress, time, heartache, and unfortunately, a friendship.

- Mrs. Peacock

***

Basically, bridey? If you hire a wedding planner, then it's up to you to decide to trust her/him. Make a conscious choice to trust her/him, just as you would with any other professional you hire in any other aspect of your life. If not, then plan it yourself.

Image via Friar Tux Shop

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ A Bride's Tale of a Sexless, Shitshow of a Marriage... The Grey Area Between Cold Feet & Doubt

Gimme my soapbox because this girl is going to do a li'l bit of preaching today. And bridey, I'm not preaching about being a bitch while planning your wedding or the 5 "must haves" for your perfect wedding day because what I am about to share with you is much, much more important. It's about doubting your way down the aisle; knowing that each step closer to the altar is a step closer to your imminent divorce. Forget Canon in D, bridey... Your head is blaring Beethoven's 5th Symphony. Your head is screaming for you to turn the fuck around and make a run for it because it's much easier to skip the wedding than file for divorce.

Bridey "B", an old friend of mine who I've recently reconnected with, told me a story so juicy, so meaty, so, dare I say, messy (keep reading) that I immediately dropped the plan for today so that I could share her story with you. Our conversation began innocently enough... A few pleasantries, a few compliments, but, when she said that "...after marriage #1, which was a total shitshow for 10 months, I took a break from boys until I met superman", I couldn't shake it. I HAD to know more. Why was her first marriage such a short shitshow? What made the new guy "superman"? So I pressed her, and found out...

BB: "Question... Did you have a big, glamorous wedding with husband #1?"

Bridey "B": "Yes. Ritz Carlton ridiculous." (I KNEW it!! Total mask for the doubt!)

BB: "Did you KNOW it wasn't right when you walked down the aisle?"

Bridey "B": "Absolutely. I was like, 'All marriages have problems. I can handle the ones in store for me. I know this man.' Then he shit on my couch. Literally."

BB: "O Mothafuckin' G!" (Like you wouldn't say the same thing!!)

Bridey "B": "I could go on. He just felt like since he worked from home, clothes were optional, and toilet paper was too." (Brideys, to the outside world, this dude is impeccable! He works for fancy firm as a fancy consultant. Just sayin'... Definitely not the kind of guy one pictures doing what he did to that poor couch!)

**After a few more graphic details about the poop incident, I asked about when/how they met and some details of their relationship.**

Bridey "B": "He asked me for a cigarette. I gave him one... The sex was great. We traveled to far countries and ate at really fancy restaurants, and then one day, he decided that he didn't want to have sex; he was depressed."

BB:"Um, whaaaaaa? Dear God! Sex would have helped!"

Bridey "B": "We were already living together. I was already 30. I thought it was a phase. Turns out, he was having sex, but with strippers." (She didn't find this out until after the divorce.)

BB: "OMG!"

Bridey "B": "So, I married this guy who was my best friend, who wouldn't have sex with me, but that's okay, because sometimes couples don't have a lot of sex, right? My mom said, 'It sucks now, but when you're older, you'll be glad he's not chasing you around with handcuffs and lube.'" (I totally peed a little when she said this!I love funny moms!)

**Bridey, they were together for 6-7 years before they got married. Crazy, right?**

Bridey "B": "But, you know what happened. Brides get caught up in being brides and they're too scared to turn back." (No shit. No pun either.)

BB: "Yup! And then in retrospect... Would have been a lot easier."

Bridey "B": "Hard to tell whether you're going through a cold feet phase, or whether it'll work itself out in time or whether you're marrying a guy who will shit on your couch in six months." (BHHHAAAAAA!!!! I guess you never know!)

Here's the thing, bridey, you must listen to your gut (preferably before walking down the aisle to Canon in D) no matter how uncomfortable it may be. And, it will absolutely suck. And, it will absolutely hurt. But, marrying the wrong person sucks worse. My friend, Bridey "B"? She told me that the man she is with now, "superman", is the complete opposite of the asshole she married. Why she refers to him as superman? Well, "he would rather listen and learn, than fight." Plus, he's not fucking strippers or shitting on the couch... Always a plus!

In September of 2013, I wrote Let's Call the Whole Thing Off... How to Cancel Your Wedding (and Survive), and for good reason... Bridey, if this story is hitting a nerve, then do something about it! Because that pit in your stomach? It's not cold feet, it's doubt. And, I know it's super grey, and sometimes more white or more black, but, bridey? If you don't want to skip your way down the aisle, then it's not forever... TRUST ME! And, I know it's fucking scary. But, you are strong, and better to end it now then waste your life with somebody who you know isn't right for you. 

So, dig deep, read my "how to" on cancelling your wedding, and then go find your superman! Got it?!!

Image via KiKi & Tea 

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ FLASHBACK: Ten Things I Hate About "I Do"

***I'm posting this one again because it's one of my favorite Truth Hurts, and because I was recently reminded why people hate being in weddings (see number 6). Not to mention, it's some pretty awesome advice! Enjoy!***

March 24, 2014:

"Oh my God, you have the coolest job! I'm sure you could write a book about all of the stuff you see!" *wink* Since all of my non-wedding industry friends always seem to think that my job is nothing but rainbows and unicorns, I thought I would share ten things I hate about "I do". And since I'm not really into sugar coating, a few of these items may hit a nerve, so brideys, I suggest you listen up and learn from this instead of being offended. Because I swear to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, so help me God. If used correctly, then what I am about to share with you can quite possibly change the entire course of your wedding, if not your life. Okay... a touch dramatic, but...

1. Cheap brides. It's one thing if you don't have the money, and need to scale back. I totally get it!! But, cheap for the sake of being cheap is fucking annoying. I want you to remember something, bridey. You get what you pay for, and if you hire the cheapest vendor or nickel and dime the ones you hire to their breaking point, then most likely you will be disappointed with the outcome. If you're cheap with them, then odds are? They're going to be cheap with you.

2. Two words. Dry weddings. WHAT the fuck? I have planned weddings of all different religions, backgrounds, etc., but imposing your personal tastes and/or beliefs on your guests is rude. At least have a cash bar (cringe) and make your guests pay for their booze. But, not offering it? Inconsiderate.

3. Which leads me to my next point. Vegan weddings. REALLY? Enough! Be vegan! Be healthy! That's awesome, bridey, but pretty please with sugar on top, don't subject your guests to tofu if they aren't interested. Look, I have a lot of vegan friends, but when we're together they certainly don't impose their "stuff" onto me. So, please, bridey, don't do it at your wedding. If meat makes you ill, I totally get it. Just make it a lovely vegetarian wedding, and skip the vegan.

4. Get a grip on your expectations. Drop the fairy tale act. You want magic? Then marry the right man. PERIOD. If you plan well, stay true to yourself (and your budget), and the rest will fall into place. And you know what that is? Magic!

5. Please don't be rude to your fiancé, mother, father, sister, brother, event manager, florist, caterer, etc. in front of anybody else. Because it's painful. It's excruciating. It's uncomfortable. And it makes me want to punch you in the face. If you have an issue with any of the peeps mentioned above, then work it out privately and get off of your soapbox.

6. Unflattering bridesmaids dresses. You heard me. UN FLATT ER ING! And for any of you who say "OMG, don't my girls look amazing?"... You're lying! Because that bottom heavy friend of yours in that stick-straight, super light dress is fucking miserable, and it shows!!

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ When Choosing the Guest List for the Wedding Becomes Emotional... For Somebody Else!

So, I was at the gym the other day, (Ewwww... I have officially become one of those girls who starts off a story by bragging about how I was at the gym! It's not like that, really! I got baby weight to lose, bridey, which is a whole other post for a whole other blog! Anyway...) and I started chatting with the woman, old enough to be my mother, who shared a story about how the guest list for her niece's wedding took an ugly turn. I won't get into all of the gory details, because I although I was focused on the dirt of her story, I was also attempting to burn off the spare tire that loves to present itself in every shirt I own.

Basically, her niece was picking and choosing the guest list for wedding in a way that was extremely hurtful to close family. I believe the cliche I am looking for is 'cherry picking' the guest guest list. And I'm not talking about the family members whose names you forget because you see them once every five years at a funeral, I'm talking CLOSE family members; like, people important to your MIL important. Right? Bridey, while choosing your guest list is among the most difficult tasks of planning your wedding (just wait until you start placing those guests at tables!), remember that this list will stay with you for the rest of your life. It's a fine line between choosing your guest list, and choosing who will stay in your life once the wedding is over. 

Look, I totally get it! Weddings are fucking expensive. The more people the more money. Plain and simple. But, your choices now will have repercussions later. So, if it's not a money thing, then get over it, and invite your soon to be MIL's cousin from Cincinnati, because let me tell you, your MIL won't forget that you didn't invite her. You will, but she won't and when you least expect it, she'll torture you with that choice down the line.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ FLASHBACK: Five Crucial Wedding Appointment Etiquette Guidelines

***You'll never guess why I'm posting this one again, right? Well, I was having a rather heated conversation with an industry friend the other night, and a few cocktails later, we came to the conclusion that brides are just fucking rude when it comes to the unwritten rules of wedding planning. When suddenly, I had an overwhelming sense of déjà vu, and then I remembered that I had written the rules in 2013! Check it out!***

February 12, 2013:

I feel like I need to piggyback off of our Vendor Vent for today... It's an important topic, so if you haven't read it, bridey, then check it out. It's a touchy subject for the industry because we are really tired of being taken advantage of, particularly when it comes to appointments... Making them, keeping them, and fucking around with our time. Therefore you need to know the rules of engagement (sorry, couldn't help it!). Ready?

Wedding Appointment Etiquette ~ Five Crucial Guidelines to Follow:

1. Here's my absolute favorite... Bridey, don't ever just "walk-in" to a hotel, bakery, dress shop, photography studio, etc. expecting to be seen, and then get pissed off if you have to wait or are turned away because they can't see you. If you've purchased my wedding planning guide, then you know that this is a big no-no. I mean, you would never just "walk-in" to your doctor's office demanding to be seen, would you? No. And if you did, then the nice lady behind the counter would most likely put you in your place. So please, pay us the same courtesy and phone first. Make an appointment so that we can be prepared for your arrival versus feeling annoyed because you assumed that you could be seen simply because you walked in. 

2. Once you make an appointment, keep it or cancel it with plenty of notice. Going back to the doctor's office example... In most cases you are required to cancel 24-48 hours ahead of time or else you will be charged. Actually, it's becoming more and more common for restaurants, salons, etc. to charge you for not canceling your reservations, appointments, etc., and honestly, I'm surprised we haven't started following suit! Because if you knew that you'd have to pay for our time lost due to no-showing, then I'm sure you'd call to cancel. Right?

3. If you are running late, then please call to let us know particularly if your appointment is scheduled after normal business hours. If you are running early, fantastic! But, don't expect to be seen just because you are a half hour earlier then expected. We may be with another client or we may just need to clear our desks before the meeting...

4. Don't bring an entourage to your appointment. We are interested in your thoughts, your needs and your expectations. When you bring more people to your appointment, then you bring more opinions. So please, give us the opportunity to hear it from you and not everybody else. Because you are the one we are trying to please.

5. Respect our time. I can tell you right now that no wedding vendor needs to sit with you for three hours during an initial consultation. This is especially true (and quite painful) if your meeting started at 6 PM. I'm not saying that you shouldn't discuss everything that is important to you, I'm simply saying that you don't need to talk about your who's coming to your wedding, how much weight you want to lose, your crazy MOH, etc. We care, but after three hours, our excitement starts to wane.

Bridey, you know that I am a straight shooter, and this information is important when you are planning your wedding. I know you want to be respectful, so if you follows these five rules of engagement, then you should be all set. Got it?

Photo via Blessed Events Fashioned by Adrianne

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bridey, Don't Go Away Mad, Just Go Away!

Based on the title of this post, and this FAB photograph, you can totally tell that I'm a product of growing up in the late 80s and early 90s. In fact, I'd be willing to bet that some of you have no idea what the hell I'm talking about! I quoted a Mötley Crüe song... Just click on the link if you're curious (and be prepared for some really bad music). Anyway... I was chatting with a friend of mine and we decided that sometimes it's easier to tell the bitch to go away (now) as opposed to suffering through whatever may be in store for the future. I mean... Hopefully she won't go away mad, she'll just go away... Better now than a week before the wedding, right?

My friend went so far as to say that she'd PAY a particularly brutal client to get out of her life, and when I balked, she said something that struck a chord... "You can either buy happiness today, or pay the price for a bad decision in the future." Holy shit! Right? Good point! And in the wedding industry, paying the price for a bad decision can last for a long fucking time.

Bridey, this is not limited to vendors firing brides. If you aren't feeling the love with a vendor you've hired, then cut the cord and move on. Fire them. Trust me, the sooner the better. Life is too short and weddings are too expensive for you to be unhappy. I mean... Sometimes it's worth losing a little money to gain a lot of happiness.

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ The Truth About Your Wedding...

We've been told throughout our entire lives that honesty is the best policy. It begins in kindergarten and morphs into something much deeper as we age. I mean, just look at Pinterest. Seriously, there are millions of quotes littered on Pinterest about honesty and truth... "Children and fools speak true," by John Lyly or "A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal," by Oscar Wilde. And, honesty really is the best policy, right? RIGHT, bridey?? Well, it should be, although in so many cases, it's not. And, 99% of the time, when it comes to our friends getting married, we sugarcoat the truth or simply lie. And, it's time to discuss WHY.

If you think about it, our lying and sincerity about being in a wedding (and sometimes even attending a wedding) is entirely widespread and universal. (Remember this video?): 

We talk about it all of the time... Just not to the person who desperately needs to hear it, the bride! I've spent over three years educating brides on how not to be a bitch while planning her wedding, and when I saw, "If Bridesmaids Were Honest", I felt justified. I felt like chicks are finally starting to talk about the bullshit behavior and expectations that weddings tend to draw out in even the most lovely bride. So, enough sugarcoating! Talk about how you feel with the bride! Tell her you can't afford the dress or the bachelorette party! Ladies, bridesmaids lose friends because of weddings, and it's not because they were fucking the groom. It's because they resent the bride. They resent her attitude, they resent her entitlement and they resent her complete obliviousness to how they are feeling.

Please learn something from this bridesmaids video. Yes, it's funny, but more than that, it's true! So, stop letting your bridey friend get away with her shit attitude, and for the love of God, tell the truth! 

Video via Kelsey Darragh, BuzzFeed

The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Bitchless Bride is Having a Baby!!

It's true! My life is about to be rocked, and this time not by a needy, bitchy bride, but by a needy (potentially bitchy) baby. I'm scared and excited, but most of all I feel completely elated. And, just like anything else in life, it was hard work to get to this point (put it this way, bridey, I could write a fertility blog peppered with pregnancy complications!), but here I am; I made it through, and realized that I am stronger than I thought I was... Kind of like you. The wedding planning is a bitch, but totally worth in the end. Well, so is this... And for many of you, pregnancy and babies are the next step in your lives following the wedding.

So, wish me luck! And don't miss me too much... Thinking BB will be back up and running by the end of August. In the meantime, bridey, I have put together a summer reading list (fan faves and my faves) for your reading enjoyment and education:

1. From Strapless to Fabulous! ~ This one kinda pissed some people off...

2. My Very Own Fantasy... Wedding!

3. The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Defending Your Right to Choose... The Guestlist ~ Talk about HEATED & CRAZY! The comments (43 of them) from the Erica & Trevor's Real Wedding were absolutely abhorrent. 

4. The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ 5 Tips on How to Not be a Bridey Bitch ~ The cartoon makes me laugh every time!!

5. The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ Why It's Important to Hire a Wedding Planner ~ Sorry, but, DUH!!!!

6. Real Wedding Wednesday ~ A Rustic, Outdoor, Dinosaur, Tattoo & Kickass Cupcake Wedding 

7. The Truth Hurts Tuesday ~ What if Your Wedding Vendors Review You, Bridey? ~ Probably one of my favorite posts to date... Would you change your attitude if you knew you were being reviewed?

8. Real Wedding Wednesday ~ A Warm, Gorgeously Romantic, Washington Wedding

9. Fantasy Friday ~ A Super Glam & Gorge, Masquerade Themed Styled Shoot ~ This is SO FUCKING COOL!

10. Real Wedding Wednesday ~ I Found Myself in Wonderland... An Alice in Wonderland Inspired Wedding ~ WOW! Just wow!!!

That's all I got, bridey! I'll still be tweeting, pinning and FaceBooking, so feel free to reach out to BB while I'm on hiatus! Got it? Good! Stay Bitchless! 

XO,

BB

Baby Image via Medical Daily